make up a nonsensical imaginary tele

[tgfmike]

LMAO! Possibly the funniest thread I've read thus far.

Then you might like this thread, too.

 

[cobrat]

The GARBAGE Tele

A tele for all those who love the aroma and ambiance of garbage and garbage dumps. Made with your choice of regional garbage and comes in Sanford & Son, Fat Albert, Heathcliff, Archie Bunker, used car salesman, conman, and the most popular Crooked Politico or Crooked Executive signature series.

The Lovecaster

The tele/strat for those who want a guaranteed means for love. Includes stencils and goodies conducive to the attraction of potential lovers, including the Cupid accessorization kit and excess bowed neck to ensure the attraction of anyone you target with it. Comes in a variety of colors, especially pink and Pfizer blue.

The Noisecaster

The tele/strat for young kids and adolescents looking to get back at those who possess The Grumpy Tele, especially ones with the stenciled "Get off of my lawn" & "Kids these days...". Comes with the most crappy microphonic single coil and/or humbucker pickups guaranteed to squeal to the max. Comes with the additional option of the lowest end static-filled solid state amp which picks up many radio and TV station on the signal spectrum to add to the fun. Guaranteed to annoy others, especially the grumps or your money back.

 

[tgfmike]

for young kids and adolescents looking to get back at those who possess The Grumpy Tele, especially ones with the stenciled "Get off of my lawn" & "Kids these days..."

 

[gguitar55]

How about a Brad Paisley/Adrian Bellew (?) Robocaster. If you give it a beer it will play sonically bent country licks for you while you have one yourself.

 

[Moggl]

The WaffleCaster, in its archetypical bake-your-own layout, comes complete with burnt-to-a-crisp truss rod for added stability. Add sugar to taste.

 

[HoodieMcFoodie]

I've got a feeling this one was made by someone here at TPDRI. Maybe John Kingma :?:

 

[octatonic]

I've got a feeling this one was made by someone here at TPDRI. Maybe John Kingma :?:

I googled "crazy telecaster" and got 3 of those results from tpdri.
You guys are craaaaazy.

How about a no-attenion-to-detail-caster?
Just get a bit of wood and saw it in the general shape of a tele but with no finesse or smooth lines.
Bolt a neck on with drywall screws, maybe 6 of them, with couple poking through the fingerboard.
No string trees and a bridge that is just a rough cut metal plate.

Machine heads all mismatched and pickup selector from a Victorian signal box.
Strap made of heshian, fixed with machine bolts.
Finished with black, blue & brown boot polish for the worst sunburst you've ever seen that leaves residue all over your clothes.

 

[HoodieMcFoodie]

I've got a feeling this one was made by someone here at TPDRI. Maybe John Kingma :?:

Actually I just did a search and it's by another great TDPRI builder Jack Wells, not John Kingma.

Apologies to both...

 

[Dan German]

Little White Kitty Player Pack
for felinus domesticus who play guitar
2006 Squier California Telecaster custom reduced to 1/10th scale,
a special set of .000010 to .000042 strings
includes genuine Fender Mini Deluxe that has been upgraded with point-to-point hand wiring and premium transistors

As a cat owner, may I suggest that this one only come in "Desert Sand"? And that the mini-Fender Deluxe be covered in improbably bright mismatched colours of medium-pile carpet and jute twine?

 

[tgfmike]

As a cat owner, may I suggest that this one only come in "Desert Sand"? And that the mini-Fender Deluxe be covered in improbably bright mismatched colours of medium-pile carpet and jute twine?

Nice add.

Acoustatele
no pickups, no controls, no pickguard
basically a MIM standard with no routing
has a 3 inch diameter hole straight through the center of the body
SCHERTLER DYN-G ELECTRO DYNAMIC ACOUSTIC GUITAR PICKUP mounted in center of the hole
perfect for tele players who love the unplugged acoustic tone of their tele

 

[telleutelleme]

Environtele

Body Made of soybean pressboard
Strings are made from recycled slag from Eastern Europe
Fretboard is made from the hulls of snowpeas used to feed villages in Botswana
Solar powered using a specially made ashtray
Pups are made from recycled sony watchmen cassette players in an economic province in China
Still assembled in Mexico
Sold only on E-Bay

 

[Moggl]

The new, true road-worn: cut it out of a street near you.

 

[tgfmike]

Karen Hua-Qi Signature Ererhucaster
Karen is famous for her erhu playing in Up In The Air and other movies
the Ererhucaster is so named because it has double the scale of a normal erhu
it is fretless
it plays an octave down from an erhu
it has only two strings, the A and D, and their order is reversed
it is played in the traditional erhu manner, i.e. with a bow between the strings
using the bridge pickup is sounds pretty good
using the neck pickup it sounds like a cow in labor
no one ever, ever uses the middle position

 

[elsewhere]

image removed

Remember this thing?

It's missing fretboard lights :/

 

[Key_Of_Off]

Statuscaster

Empty guitar case with Fender Telecaster logo, heavy duty combination lock (won't actually open) and relic'd to look like it's seen a thousand gigs. Carry around town for best effect.

Acid Wash Tele

Only appears after taking LSD. It sounds SO AWESOME, man, what do you mean you can't hear it?

Maybe I'm taking this "imaginary" thing too far...?

 

[Moggl]

bamboo tele
Made completely of bamboo, a sustainable resource, including the hardware and pickups. Its tone can best be described as absolutely awful. Recommended only for guitarists whose tone comes completely from their technique.

Truth is stranger than fiction:

bamboo 1: http://www.acousticguitarcommunity.com/forum/topics/yamaha-bamboo-guitar-fg-b1

bamboo 2: http://www.bambooguitar.com

 

[cobrat]

Karen Hua-Qi Signature Ererhucaster
Karen is famous for her erhu playing in Up In The Air and other movies
the Ererhucaster is so named because it has double the scale of a normal erhu
it is fretless
it plays an octave down from an erhu
it has only two strings, the A and D, and their order is reversed
it is played in the traditional erhu manner, i.e. with a bow between the strings
using the bridge pickup is sounds pretty good
using the neck pickup it sounds like a cow in labor
no one ever, ever uses the middle position

The AUTOTUNECASTER

Here's THE tele/strat which will make you sound good....no matter how clueless you are when it comes to playing the guitar. Have problems finding the right tone? No problem....let the autotune feature do all of that pesky work for ya. Can't play a chord or a note to save your life? No problem....the autotunecaster can practically play itself so there is no longer a need to learn finger positions...or fingering/fretting with your fretting hand. All the hard work is done for ya so YOU can concentrate on looking the part of a cool guitarist/rocker....

 

[PennyCentury]

Albert Collins signature Icecaster

In tribute to the man who gave us such hits as "Icepick" and "Frosty",

Tele body made of Chicago Ice
Maple neck
Lollar pickups
sterling silver pickguard

 

[P-Zilla]

I just want an all aluminum tele.

Traditional telecaster body made from high grade billet aluminum and a neck made from the same material.

traditional vintage bridge plate w/ thread steel saddles (dual loading). with big fat alnico 5 pickups. the aluminum will be polished to a mirror like shine.

 

[PennyCentury]

I just want an all aluminum tele.

Traditional telecaster body made from high grade billet aluminum and a neck made from the same material.

traditional vintage bridge plate w/ thread steel saddles (dual loading). with big fat alnico 5 pickups. the aluminum will be polished to a mirror like shine.

Don't forget the heater coil for the neck, without it you'll end up with arthritic hands.