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Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Jerry_Mountains, Sep 20, 2019.
I would Naruto Run.
'Would you forget and affair from your wife?'
The question makes no sense. Would anybody care to translate it for me?
I’m capable of fairly situational ethics on many fronts - I don’t think there are many moral absolutes. But to me the marriage vow is one thing I treat as absolutely sacred. I mean you’re making a promise to the one person on earth you like and love and care for enough to choose to spend the rest of your life with - if you can’t keep THAT promise, how can anybody trust you with ANYTHING? If you would knowingly and willingly hurt THAT person, who wouldn’t you hurt? To me it’s the ultimate act of selfishness. And it’s never a “mistake”, it’s always a choice.
So based on that strongly held belief, I have never and will never break that vow and would not stay with anyone who would break that vow to me. All trust would be destroyed and I wouldn’t see a way to ever re-establish it. There are extreme situations that could change that like a spouse in a long term coma or vegetative state, or with such severe dementia that the relationship effectively didn’t exist anymore - you might still be taking care of the person, but there’s no relationship any longer. If I was in that situation, I’d want my wife to find some happiness in her remaining healthy years and she’d want the same for me. But short of that kind of extreme, I wouldn’t do it and I wouldn’t stay around if it was done to me.
I know there are people who have gotten through it, who have maintained marriages after adultery - I can’t imagine it personally but I can’t judge them positively or negatively. All I can deal with is my own one marriage and I can’t imagine I’d ever get past it or want to...
If he's not sure what to do, couples counseling good, and individual counseling is a good second-best.
for the rest of my life, i would always wonder if i was getting sloppy seconds... so sad.
I'm separated but not for that reason. Over the last few years I have learned women usually have made up their minds on marital matters way ahead of us guys. Just my supposition.
So, if a woman has an affair, she's not been happy for awhile IMHO. So, if anyone was that way to me,
it would seem clear that the other partner has already made up their mind. Draw your own conclusions and , maybe, move on.
I suspect there are many who also love their wife and may well be inclined to forgive. The real question is how many times?
What if the roles were reversed ??? What if you cheated and your wife showed you the door ???
Would you feel the same way ??? Maybe you would expect or desire another chance...
Double-standard is the old expression ...
If I discovered that the local pizza delivery guy was sticking his junk in the calzone I wouldn't being having it for dinner, forgiving him or doing any business with him again. Calzone would never be the same again after that either.
I'd throw that calzone in the trash just like i'd do with a relationship with cheating partner.
I feel sorry for people that have to deal with things like this.
I have.. twice; stuff happens mature adults can work thru such things as there are often two sides to the story, and both need to be considered.
The story Mike S. told about the dog would give me more pause, an affair is a choice.. one perhaps made under duress but still a choice. Purposely Killing a pet is sadistic..to me that is a serious problem, and I could not live W/ such a person.
Been there... I tried to stay, but it really bothered me. There will be a possibility that it will happen again.
If the guy is not abusive, etc, he does not deserve this.
Don't commit either way. If you tell him get rid of her and he doesn't, your in an awkward spot. If you say stick it out and she does it again..... Don't get involved, other than let him know your there for him.
Short time married and no kids?
She 'divorced' him no problem when she was in bed with the other guy.
If the guy is a Christian and married her in the Catholic Church, there are complicating issues but even so, there are probably grounds for annulment. That is, with cheating so early, there was probably no serious commitment on her part to begin with.
People can and do change, but it usually takes a huge clue bat upside the head for that to happen.
Good luck to the cuckold.
No, It would never be the same ever again, Once the trust goes it's time to move on.
If they are newly married I would say the odds are longer that the marriage can be saved. They certainly need counseling if he thinks he wants to stay with her.
I don't think you can make such generalizations. I've known folks who survived and thrived after an affair. Trust can be restored. People can forgive.
Anyone, and I mean anyone, can have this happen under the "right" circumstances. People become vulnerable or susceptible for a variety of factors. I am not defending the actions, but just reminding folks to careful about being self righteous or think they are above it. Marriages have ups and downs. People have ups and downs. People have vulnerable periods in their lives.
All situations are not the same.
Also, no one can make a judgement about what they would do until they are faced the situation relative to the circumstances, duration of the marriage and the emotional investment of both parties.
Some may walk away and some may want to stay. Maybe a person doesn't want to throw away years of relationship and all the good that came before. (assuming there was good before).
I stayed for the "sake of the kids" and my ex cheated on me again.............and again, and her esteem for me dropped until she didn't have any respect for me. It was like by me accepting it she took it as I was a weak wimp for putting up with her behavior.
I think one slip might be forgivable depending on the circumstances. If more than that, you have to end the relationship. As someone who spent most of his adult life in two different relationships (first was 23 years, second was 14), I can easily look back now and see the points I should have ended each - but didn't. I now know if something happens that one of the people can't get over, time to cut bait.