Would you forget and affair from your wife?

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Jerry_Mountains, Sep 20, 2019.

  1. EsquireOK

    EsquireOK Friend of Leo's

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    This is not a question that can be answered by anyone but the person in question.

    It's easy to say tough things and make absolute statements about the cheater and about these sorts of situations in general. But nobody but those directly involved know every detail of the relationship and the situation. There are no absolutes here, and it's almost never a "simple" situation IMO/IME. Best not to generalize, and not to speak in absolutes, about other people's relationships.

    Best to just keep your damned mouth shut if it's not you. Don't offer advice or opinions, just sympathy. Sure, you'll have opinions, but they aren't meaningful or helpful to anyone else in that situation. If you must offer any advice at all, simply refer them to a marriage and family counselor, so they can figure it out with a professional.
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2019
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  2. Mike Simpson

    Mike Simpson Doctor of Teleocity

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    What if you found out she killed your dog right after you got married and didn't find out till after you were married 15 or 20 years?
    We got a puppy shorty after we were married and she told me it got out and ran away... She did help me look for it...
    Years later she admitted killing it.
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2019
  3. Mike Eskimo

    Mike Eskimo Telefied Ad Free Member

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    ^^^^ :eek::eek::eek:
     
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  4. reckless toboggan

    reckless toboggan Tele-Holic

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    It's so easy a cave man could do it (TM).
    [​IMG]
     
  5. Obsessed

    Obsessed Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Marriage over. Be it now or later, it is over. End it and move on.
     
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  6. Junkyard Dog

    Junkyard Dog Tele-Afflicted

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    I can’t advise your friend. But I love my wife. I would forgive her.
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2019
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  7. G.Rotten

    G.Rotten Tele-Holic

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    I don't need the hypothetical. Been there. Anyone who can justify to themselves those kind of actions & look you right in the eye like nothing is wrong can never be trusted for anything again.
     
  8. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    You know what? If the guy has to ask someone what to do, there is probably not going to be much you can do for him.
     
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  9. Chief101

    Chief101 Tele-Meister

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    Everyone is different but if I was in his shoes I would likely never fully trust her again. A marriage without full commitment and trust is destined to fail. I’d personally get out now. Better now than 10 years from now with 2 kids, child support, a mortgage, pension/investment balances, assets, etc.
     
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  10. Shuster

    Shuster Poster Extraordinaire

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    If he can forgive her, tell him to play this for her,,,

     
  11. Sax-son

    Sax-son Tele-Meister

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    For me, the point goes further than just a bruised ego. One thing your wife is supposed to be is a partner that you should be able to trust your lives in their hands. If she is so easily tempted by having a affair with another man, what good is she? Men and women have problems and disagreements all the time. If she is so cowardly or sneaky to confront issues that she has with your behavior or respect for her before having an affair, your are left with absolutely nothing to hang your relationship on. Once that trust is broken, it's never the same. This applies equally to both men and women.
     
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  12. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    The problem with cheating is if the participants take precautions for their health it no longer falls under the heat of the moment, it's planned for. If they don't, well lots of bad things can come from that.
     
  13. beagle

    beagle Friend of Leo's

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    I wouldn't ask a friend, colleague or people on a guitar forum for advice, nor would I give advice to someone that asked me.
     
  14. Torren61

    Torren61 Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    I would certainly forgive my wife for an affair she had... at her funeral. Kidding. Seriously. Kidding. Seriously.

    To the OP, maybe she loves her husband but he doesn't give her everything she needs. For whatever reason. It's hard to say what I would do and it's even harder to say what someone else should do. I'd prefer to stay out of it except for the part when I was in it.

    A man and his wife were having troubles and he suspected she might be cheating on him so he acts like he's going to work but goes to a cafe instead. He comes back to their apartment building a couple of hours later. He rushes up the stairs and bursts into the apartment. He runs into the bedroom to find his wife in bed, sitting upright naked and clutching the sheets with a surprised look on her face.

    He KNOWS something is up and he begins to search the apartment. "WHERE IS HE??!!" he shouts. Then he hears the front door to the building shut. He runs to the balcony and sees a half naked man running across the parking lot trying to put on his shirt.

    "AHA!!!" the cuckolded husband exclaims. He looks around and grabs the first thing he sees. The apartment refrigerator. He drags it to the balcony and in a fit of adrenaline-fueled rage, he throws the fridge off the balcony and it lands on the running man, killing him. "GOTCHA!!!" he yells... and dies from a heart attack brought on by the exertion of heaving the fridge.

    The next thing he knows, he's standing in line at the gates of heaven. The half naked man is standing in front of him. Saint Peter has a list and he's deciding if people get in or go to hell. He asks the half naked man, "How did you die?". "I don't know. I had just moved into a new apartment but I had overslept and was late for work. I didn't have time to dress so I was running for my car and was putting on a shirt when everything went black." Saint Peter says, "Weird. Okay, you can come in." and he lets the half naked man into heaven.

    "How did YOU die," Saint Peter asks the fridge-throwing husband. "Oh my gosh!" says the husband. "I think I killed that guy. I thought he was sleeping with my wife and I threw a refrigerator on him and KILLED him. I feel TERRIBLE!!" Saint Peter can see the genuine remorse and he decides to let the husband into heaven too.

    Saint Peter asks the next guy in line, "So, how did YOU die?"

    The next guy says "I dunno. You see, there I was, sitting in this refrigerator, minding my own business..."
     
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  15. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Poster Extraordinaire

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    I don’t know her personality as it could stem from insecurity and fear of how you might have reacted.

    Assuming it was a total accident, she was perhaps so wracked with guilt, worried how you might think of her and scared about losing you, that she lied. She’s obviously lived with the guilt for a couple of decades. Unless she admitted it in a moment of spite and was not upset, I’d give her a huge 15 - 20 year late hug and say why did she wait so long for my support. Did she really think that badly of me.

    Of course, if it was anything else...

    D76A77D3-B1AE-4E69-A2F9-F518EE57CFFE.jpeg

    How did it work out?
     
  16. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Poster Extraordinaire

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    Actually, thinking about, I think my friend is having an affair with my wife.

    He just seems so miserable these days.
     
  17. bender66

    bender66 Poster Extraordinaire

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    Been there fairly recently. I found out what a self loathing partner will continue to do too late. 3 years on I'm still working on the physical & emotional toll it took on me.

    That kind of behavior didn't start with him. It's a pattern in people that cheat & will continue at the first signs of stress in a relationship.

    Learn from my mistake. I wished i'd gotten out sooner in hindsight.

    He won't though.
     
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  18. chet again

    chet again Tele-Afflicted

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    He may only know about the one incident. Could be more he doesn't know about.

    She broke the vows so walk away.
     
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  19. claes

    claes Tele-Holic

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    I know people that have moved on after a single one time affair (both sexes)...

    That's about all I can say. You can't advice anyone what to do.
     
  20. Chunkocaster

    Chunkocaster Poster Extraordinaire

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    People ask for advice in situations like this because they are messed up and can't think straight due to the stress and toxicity of it all. That alone is enough reason to get out of the relationship. Overthinking a situation like that is damaging to your health and wellbeing and if you stay you will be overthinking everything for years to come or possibly the rest of your days spent together.

    If someone takes a dump in the well I would be seeking a fresh supply of water. Not trying to justify ways of continuing to drink from it.
     
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2019
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