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Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Jerry_Mountains, Sep 20, 2019.
Your only option is to forgive. It ain't easy. Still working on it, 20 years removed.
If it was a good marriage that had lasted and it seemed like some kind of midlife menopause crisis where some women go off the rails and act irrationally. I might give staying together some thought.
Newish relationship without much history of getting through a bunch of hard times and compromises then forget it.
Yeah, cheating in a new marriage is just setting you up for an entire lifetime of questions and jealousy. It should be over and out for that guy. If they were many years into a relationship, it gets a lot harder to break things off. My own rational, progressive mind tells me that we'd have to do a lot of work and then forgive. But there's a part of me that would never forget, and I don't think I could live that way. You need to be free to love your life partner, and if there are any reservations about trust, you can't.
The fact that she cheated on him and they are newlyweds does not bode well. It is ultimately his call, but I lean towards ending it.
At least one of us would be getting some...
I can take the "hypothetical" out of it -- nuclear option is the only solution after the trust is broken
There are obviously a million different factors at play with this question.
That said, cheating early in the marriage is a particularly bad sign, if she can't resist the urge to cheat now, it's not going to get any easier 5 years down the road. Personally, I'd be looking to move on while it's early and before kids enter the picture. I suppose if your friend is inclined to stay, he's got a heckuva get-out-of-jail-free card in his pocket if he's so inclined.
If he doesn’t leave he is setting himself up for a lifetime of heartache.
Every time she acts the least bit secretive he will be questioning and reliving all the pain. No woman is worth that.
She has shown him who she really is, believe her, and go find someone who will give him a lifetime of love and trust.
A newlywed who cheats isn’t worth a minutes grief, keep her and it’s forever grief.
Here’s the thing about this. The get out of jail free card just means he is set up to manipulate her anyway he wants based on guilt for the transgression. That is not a recipe for a successful relationship either. Eventually the manipulation on top of the original reason(s) for infidelity will be “justification” for more problems and possibly more infidelity. Its the whole “two wrongs don’t make a right”.
Best scenario for all parties involved is to end things asap so the grieving and recovery can begin and hopefully they can move on with their lives sooner. Obviously there are exceptions to the rule but with the emotional investment that goes into a marriage, those instances are so rare, odds are even the most desperate riverboat gambler wouldn’t take that bet.
Kicked her to the curb years ago, haven't regretted it yet.
Yep ... lose the trust and there's not much left, just a superficial shell of a relationship.
You just answered your question.
Can he trust her still, or will he suspect something the first time she is late coming home because she was stuck in traffic? I left my wife after she did that, I just couldn’t trust her anymore.
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Just hit 27 years yesterday. I think cheating would leave a serious trust wound.
Since they are newly married, end it now, end it fast. Hard to see it improving into decades of love, trust and selflessness.
Bummer for him.
Some marriages have weathered worse and been stronger for it and some have floundered for far less.
Only they can understand the circumstances and make their decision. If bad things had been said, if she was feeling rejected and was vulnerable and was taken advantage of, that is different from her setting out to be a regular cheat. Did she admit it when she could have just kept it secret?
The details will decide their fate but I’d agree it’s possibly the worst thing to happen in a marriage other than violence and mental abuse. Very hard early in a relationship.
I’ve never doubted my relationship so I don’t have the experience to comment more but I think many women put up with far far worse from their men.
She was late home with traffic? Harsh.
Trust is the vein of love.
Didn't know her well enough before they married. She's a finished product, she is what she is. No integrity. Husband can draw the line anywhere he chooses. The worst behavior he demonstrates he will tolerate, he should expect to get more of the same.
He'll get more of the same if he stays with her. The first time is a big deal, then she learns that nothing very bad happens. Next time she's tempted, it's easier.