Would you forget and affair from your wife?

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Jerry_Mountains, Sep 20, 2019.

  1. Jerry_Mountains

    Jerry_Mountains Tele-Meister

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    This is for the married guys here.

    I have a folk that is having a very difficult time, he confessed me that his wife had an affair with some dude he said that it was like a one night stand or something, and he (dumbly) ask me what to do... I didn't knew what to say, its a very difficult question.

    So I thought, I have a bunch of experienced guys in the TDPRI, let me ask them.

    Well guys... hypothetically, what would you do if your wife cheated on you? Stay or leave?
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2019
  2. Jackroadkill

    Jackroadkill Tele-Meister

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    There was a time when I thought that staying would be the only option.

    Now I'd kick a cheating partner out.
     
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  3. jannodude

    jannodude Tele-Afflicted

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    I’ve been with my wife for seven years. Having an affair is probably the most disrespectul thing you can do you your spouse. I don’t believe in the, “it only happened once/it was just casual sex with no feelings involved”.

    Apparently, they didn’t have you in their mind when they are having an affair. That’s where it gets nasty.

    If my wife were to have an affair, I’d walk away. No excuses!

    Edit: Tell your friend if that’s something he can look past, it can be worked out albeit most folks forgive and not necessarily forget.
     
  4. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

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    A few weeks ago I posted how my B-I-L found out his wife was two years into an affair with a "friend" of his. That's a whole different thing.

    As for your hypothetical Q:

    -- if she tried to hide it => leave. The trust is gone.
    -- if she told me about it... we'd need to talk. We'd need couples therapy, at the least, but we all make mistakes. The challenge is how you go forward from those mistakes.
     
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  5. mistermikev

    mistermikev Tele-Holic

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    only you (by you I mean the person in the sit) know what it's worth... if it was genuinely a mistake, how long and what you've been thru together. I will say that I don't think it's a foregone conclusion either way. Only you can decide what the ramifications of it are, and what it's going to take for you to live with it (for instance, this girl is going to suspect this guy of cheating at every turn for a long time if it goes forward... is this guy confident in himself enough to want to move fwd? does he need to even the score to feel right about it?)

    edit: veteran of 25yrs here.
     
  6. PlainAllman

    PlainAllman Tele-Afflicted

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    Kick her to the curb asap. No reason to put up with that. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
     
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  7. 24 track

    24 track Doctor of Teleocity Silver Supporter

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    wiered one to answer because not every one is the same , so in short there is no correct answer only opinion and that will no doubt vary from each member who answers,

    My take on it is :

    if the marrage is strong they will survive it , if the marrage is worth saving they will find away to do so. But again THEY need to work this out with out 3rd party interference. all of this gets complicated by kids , property and now broken trust, and the scale can tip either way, they need to figure it out , and in the event they cant find a solution ... they become statistical.

    there are alot more Experienced members in this matter and how they broached the subject ,
    best of wishes to an amicable solution!
     
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  8. Jerry_Mountains

    Jerry_Mountains Tele-Meister

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    I forgot to say this guys are newly married... Personally I'd walk away, the only solid foundation of the marriage is trust, everything else is just a nice accessory.
     
  9. AlbertaGriff

    AlbertaGriff Tele-Afflicted

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    Newly married and a cheater? Yeah, I'd probably walk away and start fresh.
     
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  10. Wally

    Wally Telefied Ad Free Member

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    +1 with Big Daddy, but there only two people who should be involved and who might be able to salvage something from the disaster.
    That said....and since this is the TDPRI..here is cut with some wisdom and killer telecaster picking.

     
  11. LutherBurger

    LutherBurger Friend of Leo's

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    He should throw her out and start dating her friends.
     
  12. basher

    basher Tele-Afflicted Silver Supporter

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    This is my answer as well. The dishonesty would concern me much more than the cheating itself.

    And the "once a cheater, always a cheater" thing just isn't true IME. People do learn and grow up and develop better relationship skills.
     
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  13. kingofdogs1950

    kingofdogs1950 Tele-Holic

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    I left.
    I walked in on my wife and a convicted pedophile in bed. The guy worked at a store I managed and I knew his back story. (And no, I didn't hire him. The store owner was 'giving him a chance.')
    Two teenage step-daughters in the household.
    I was, as could be expected, apoplectic.
    And I left.

    Mark
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2019
  14. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

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    That makes me leave more towards walk away. No kids, short history...
     
  15. 24 track

    24 track Doctor of Teleocity Silver Supporter

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    a newly married couple have not established the respect, trust , and unity experience together to stablize along term solution , trust is gone , prognosis not good!

    I've been married for 37 years , we've been together for 44 years , we have seen the horror of holding our child as they took their last breath , and the odds are against you at that point, but if its worth saving you will find a way and damn I would not throw it all away for a strange piece, no matter what circumstances
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2019
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  16. WireLine

    WireLine Tele-Afflicted

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    Tough question...I think the circumstances around said affair need to be deeply and fully understood before either decision could be made
     
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  17. RatBug

    RatBug Tele-Meister

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    I'm apparently a very small and insecure man.
    I couldn't live with it. No matter how much I thought it was the right thing to do it would eat at me until I destroyed what was left, so I might as well just skip to the end and save everyone the trouble.
     
  18. dogmeat

    dogmeat Tele-Afflicted

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    is she rich???
     
  19. Uncle Bob

    Uncle Bob Tele-Holic

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    Age could make a difference - are they old enough to know better or young stupid kids?

    I did something very stupid when I was first married, and 37 years later I am thankful every day that my wife was able to live with it.
     
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  20. lammie200

    lammie200 Friend of Leo's

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    I would ask Dear Abby. She still alive? I would also get her take on maple vs. rosewood fingerboards.
     
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