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Why relationships end

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by blowtorch, Feb 27, 2016.

  1. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    "I ended a friendship because the other person had turned into a negative, self-centered jackass. I no long got anything positive out of the relationship, so it certainly supports the original premise of this thread."

    So your concern over his well-being was not sufficient for you to remain his friend, and to be around and support him ? Anyone that we become a friend with, I would think that we have concern for? Or do we truly only get into relationships for what we ourselves can get out of them?

    I am not being sarcastic, I am truly interested.

    I mean, maybe he was going through a rough patch, and was just having a hard time for awhile not being self-involved. It happens, right?
     
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2016
  2. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    It was the man bun! :lol::lol::lol::lol:
     
  3. bloomz

    bloomz Tele-Holic

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    Dr Seuss has a tenet for living and relationships:

    [​IMG]
     
  4. william tele

    william tele Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    Kel didn't go into detail but I can surely understand what he meant. Sometimes we HAVE to be in a relationship with someone we love, but possibly don't like, just because we're family. You can still hold love for someone, but just can't stand to associate with them and don't HAVE to because they aren't family.

    In the other cases Kel mentioned, one of them amounts to telemarketers badgering you...except they are in person...in your home. Wait...both cases amount to that!:)
     
  5. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

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    Some more background tunes to the topic.

     
  6. kelnet

    kelnet Telefied Ad Free Member

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    She wasn't a close friend, so we never had the kind of relationship where we would help each other through life's challenges. She was someone we would invite to gatherings, or occasionally hang out with. We had known her for a long time, but she turned into someone who was always complaining about stuff. According to her, everyone at her job was incompetent. Her sister was a moron. Her mother was a shrew. The gas station attendant was an idiot. The restaurant was too loud. The weather was always bad, and the coffee was always cold. Whenever we got together, the conversation was always about her views of the world, and of course, her views were always right.

    I don't know if she was going through something, but this attitude went on for years and we eventually just stopped calling her.
     
  7. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    That's a red flag, for sure, and sadly a very common complaint
     
  8. pondcaster

    pondcaster Poster Extraordinaire

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    No girl we ever met could stand my exGF. No friends except a couple of high school friends that lived too far away to ever visit so they didn't know her either.

    Oh yeah, and all the people she worked with were idiots.
     
  9. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    I don't stress about people who've drifted out of our lives. Nothing is forever. I am still running the words through my mind at the end of the movie stand by me. "I would never have friends like that again." I've felt that way several times in my life truthfully. When I was a hound hunter, I had adventures in the mountains with other hunters I knew would never happen again. We shared something the vast majority will never know, but in then end, we all drifted on to other lives. When I trained a young driver to haul heavy equipment, he was almost like a third son to me, but I knew the kinship we shared would be gone when his training was complete. Golfing buddies who were extremely close moved on, some to other states. The memories of our tournaments played together all that's left of them.

    I knew when my children were young that even that great relationship was something to be cherished because as they began branching out and living their own lives, soon they would be building their own precious moments. It is good that we have memories of better days that are gone. Who knows, just around the next bend you may meet someone with which to build another great relationship with. Don't count on it lasting forever though.
     
  10. Stingfan73

    Stingfan73 Tele-Afflicted

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    Some end accidentally. And through misunderstanding. Certainly there are purposeful endings, but also some accidental ones.
     
  11. melody4u

    melody4u TDPRI Member

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    "Sometimes people grow apart.

    Sometimes it is the restraining order."

    I would have to assume they had already grown apart once a restraining order is in place.
     
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  12. melody4u

    melody4u TDPRI Member

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    How do you know if it is really over...
     
  13. melody4u

    melody4u TDPRI Member

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    The accidental endings are the one's that will haunt you forever. "You'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you"
     
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  14. Tele-Caster

    Tele-Caster Tele-Holic

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    I think I might be in a unique position to answer your questions.

    I was happily married to a lesbian for 16 years. Mull that over in your mind a minute....

    She knew she was a lesbian when we married. I didn't know. For sixteen years, she didn't give me any reason to suspect that she was one. It was her big secret to hide from me as she essentially used me as a tool to prop up her living lie.

    For the first nine years, I thought I had the perfect marriage. The last eight were not so blissful. In couple's therapy, the clinician asked us when we thought things fell apart. Wife picked the date last December when she committed adultery with another married woman. I said "seven years ago, around her 30th birthday." Wife later admitted that she knew for sure around her 30th birthday that being married to me wasn't making her straight; that her initial idea that it would wasn't working.

    I have definitely not been happily married to a lesbian for the seventeenth and final year of our marriage.

    So, as to the question, "If it all goes to hell, and the other one throws in the towel, would you rather have had her stay, anyway"? In my case, the answer is "No." I would rather that she would have let me in on her "secret" seven years ago when she was certain in her own mind that being married to heterosexual me wasn't making her lesbian self straight. I can vouch from firsthand, practical experience that living a lie is not conducive to marital bliss. And yes, doing so absolutely DOES result in an "awful life for both."
     
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  15. william tele

    william tele Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    Wow...that's a sad one. As long as there are still folks who believe our attractions are something we can choose then there will be people who lie to themselves and try to "will" themselves straight. Sorry to hear she took so long to realize it. Hope you can find better days ahead...
     
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  16. william tele

    william tele Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    Well, if the one you're with says "I'm not happy being with you anymore"...it's probably over for sure.
     
  17. jannodude

    jannodude Tele-Afflicted

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    I had an ex gf whom my whole family hated and her own(not necessarily hate but couldn't stand). My main motivation in staying was she was legally blind and envisioned myself taking care of her. I gave my best and still ended up being cheated on. I strongly believe from my own experience that a person can only take so much abuse before walking away from it all. I walked away from it tear free realizing how much I missed in life. Some dark and crazy years I had..! Defintely dodge a bullet!

    I bet some of you gents/lads have similar experiences?!
     
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2016
  18. melody4u

    melody4u TDPRI Member

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    Yes, maybe... But maybe not. Perhaps you, or your partner are just not happy in life for various reasons. The easiest person to blame or take it out on is the one closest to you.
     
  19. RedRock

    RedRock Tele-Holic

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    People change.
     
  20. bowman

    bowman Friend of Leo's

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    My two band mates are at the polar opposite of my political opinions. They love to talk about the latest outrage in their world, and they make no concessions to me about spouting what they think. I find their politics objectionable, and some of their opinions and statements are downright offensive - and not just to me. However - they are my friends. We make great music together. We laugh and joke and get along on most other levels. I'm not going to terminate the friendships because they seem (to me) to have gone off the rails in some areas. Do they piss me off sometimes? Absolutely. But I just take a deep breath, get over myself, and move on.
    Of course, I'm not married to them - in that case, things might be different...
     
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