Why is it that our earliest friendships often run the deepest?

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by TheGoodTexan, Feb 15, 2019.

  1. TheGoodTexan

    TheGoodTexan Moderator Staff Member Ad Free Member

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    I haven't seen him in the flesh in 15 years. And even that point was just a few minutes in passing, because we happen to run into each other in Walmart in our home town in Texas. (He nor I have lived there in over 20 years.)

    - We live 14 hours from each other.
    - We have lived different lives.
    - We have made drastically different choices.
    - We believe drastically different things about life and world view.

    But we met in 6th grade, and we bonded. He was already playing guitar. I picked it up with a few months, and bought a no-name guitar and Heath-kit amp from a yard sale in our neighborhood. We jammed all the time. Had our first band together.

    We ended up going to different high schools. And then we moved to different towns after that.

    But we still text each other weekly, and check in. Walk each other through various struggles. We always make plans to get together soon... but it never pans out.

    Yet, I still call him one of my best friends.
     
  2. Nickadermis

    Nickadermis Friend of Leo's

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    They are the “safe” friends. Close to the heart but just far enough away that they don’t judge. They will always accept us for who we are, since we really reveal ourselves pretty early and then not share ourselves with too many people during our most vulnerable years. I have 2 that are amazing! Usually 2000 miles or more away but always right there when you need them :)
     
  3. ndcaster

    ndcaster Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

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    it is because they are bound up with ourselves, and as we age, we embrace them as part of ourselves

    Márgarét, áre you gríeving
    Over Goldengrove unleaving?
    Leáves like the things of man, you
    With your fresh thoughts care for, can you?
    Ah! ás the heart grows older
    It will come to such sights colder
    By and by, nor spare a sigh
    Though worlds of wanwood leafmeal lie;
    And yet you wíll weep and know why.
    Now no matter, child, the name:
    Sórrow’s spríngs áre the same.
    Nor mouth had, no nor mind, expressed
    What heart heard of, ghost guessed:
    It ís the blight man was born for,
    It is Margaret you mourn for.

    hold fast to your friends, they the real ones
     
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  4. Ribsspare

    Ribsspare Tele-Meister

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    It is true and common but for me it’s not the case. I have nothing in common with people who I grew up with. Great people but no desire to hang with them. My one old former best friend is now a registered sex offender so it’s now even less of an insentive to call him.
     
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2019
  5. raysachs

    raysachs Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    I think when we’re kids we haven’t learned how to project an image or “act”. We’re just not very good BS’ers, which most of become sort of decent at to survive the adult world. So the people you bond with when there’ no BS are your true friends, they know you as you REALLY are, or were, and we don’t change all that much. I still have a small group of friends from high school and college, a couple of whom I’ve known since I was 11 or 12 years old. We don’t see each other much, but usually manage to get together every few years one way or another. And it’s like picking up a conversation where it left off. Every time. I have friends I’ve made as an adult who are good friends, good people, but nobody knows me like my old friends do, or vice versa. That’s pretty special stuff...
     
  6. Bones

    Bones Telefied Ad Free Member

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    After years of no contact with my best friend from school, I began searching for him and discovered through his sister, who still lived in our hometown, that this wife had murdered him 5 years earlier. I don't go looking for those old close friends anymore and making new ones doesn't hold much interest for me. Glad you have that kind of buddy in your life.
     
  7. Nickadermis

    Nickadermis Friend of Leo's

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    I’m sorry about your friend Bones ! That’s kind of a kick in the teeth. Friendships do sneak up on us even later in life though, especially if we aren’t looking :) , I have a few new ones that I have absolutely nothing in common with that are trying to make this grumpy old man smile. Oddly enough I still value their efforts, I might not have done that as a younger man :D
     
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  8. Stringbanger

    Stringbanger Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Tis amazing that you guys go back that far. My old friends are from high school, and it’s becoming less and less of a connection with them.
     
  9. Harry Styron

    Harry Styron Tele-Afflicted Silver Supporter

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    It’s hard for me to be confident about any generalizations, except that I enjoy reuniting with friends that I have bonded with playing music.

    There are more people that I have been musically incompatible with, some of whom I like otherwise.

    Those who have sincerely shown appreciation for my playing or songwriting have a special place in my heart forever.

    If there is no musical bond, there is no deep bond with me. I guess that for me, music is the gateway to whatever soul I’ve got.
     
  10. brianswindall

    brianswindall Tele-Afflicted

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    Richard Dreyfus said in the movie Stand By Me, "You never have any friends later on like the ones you had when you were 12."
     
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  11. Obsessed

    Obsessed Telefied Ad Free Member

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    I have three, what I have called, "best friend" in my life. Two by the time I was 12 and one at about age 30. At age 63, I keep almost weekly contact with the one from age 30 even though we live 1500 miles apart. The other two have kept contact once in awhile just to check on things I suppose, but we went different directions in life and have little in common.
     
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  12. brookdalebill

    brookdalebill Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

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    I have a half dozen very dear friends.
    I treasure them all.
    Some I’ve known for over 40 years.
    Like all guys my age, I’ve lost a few very dear friends, too.
    I actually “maintain” my old friendships.
    I stay in touch.
    We visit, fish, play music, get lunch, common stuff like that.
    I understand how fragile, and how unlikely some friendships can be.
    Though I am not religious, or spiritual, I feel truly blessed.
     
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  13. Hatfield92

    Hatfield92 Tele-Meister

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    It’s funny you quote this movie. I call my gang of childhood friends my “Stand By Me” guys. I rarely see them. We’ve lived in different states for probably two decades now. Basically no phone or online interaction. I still consider them my closest friends.

    I’ve moved a few times for work, and haven’t had a close male friend in maybe ten years. I just find it hard, at 45, to develop any real deep rapport and trust with someone. I’m also kind of picky.

    But I’d go to war for Paul and Dave (my buddies since Kindergarten) and a handful of other old, old friends.
     
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  14. RodeoTex

    RodeoTex Poster Extraordinaire

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    In childhood I suppose all local kids have a lot of mutual aspirations and dreams, pkus we all knew each other.
    Later on, we are all specialized .
     
  15. dan1952

    dan1952 Friend of Leo's

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    I'm still close with my best friend from childhood, even though we live 1200 miles apart. Sometimes I still pick up the phone to call him, and the phone rings, and guess who! We don't agree on most politics or religion, but it makes no difference. We see each other maybe once a year, and still connect on a level most folks don't. On the other hand, another really close friend I've only known for 10 years or so, but connect on much the same level.
     
  16. william tele

    william tele Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    I'm actually, right now, engineering a fairly large Fandango dedicated to those of us born and raised along about 100 miles of river through about four counties. This is not any kind of "class reunion". It's like a huge ass block party dedicated to musicians of our lifetimes, living and past and how lucky we were to have that environment. Pieces of many old bands will be together.

    The reception has been kind of overwhelming and it's been fantastic to pick up with old pickin' buddies like it was yesterday. It's going to be one hell of night!
     
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  17. adjason

    adjason Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    when you get old you only have old friends
     
  18. ac15

    ac15 Poster Extraordinaire Ad Free Member

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    A lot of reasons old friends are special, but one reason is definitely that very few people were around who can laugh at shared memories from a long time ago. So they’re a part of your history.
     
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  19. Les H

    Les H Tele-Meister

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    Often times those were friendships based on genuine feelings and interests as you were exploring early life together, going through the "firsts" at the exact same time. First girlfriends/boyfriends, first kisses, first winning/losing sports seasons, first instruments, first slow dances etc etc you get the idea. They are the ones who have that personal history with you that shaped you as adults.

    As an older person we have friends at work and its because we relate to loving/hating our jobs but other than what we wear on our sleeves about our personal lives it's all they know and doesn't tend to get much deeper than that. We discover new things with our families now instead of with complete strangers.

    I have had what I called good friends at old jobs to never hear from them again once they or I left. But like others, I have childhood friends I haven't seen in the flesh in years I still talk to on the phone on a regular basis.
     
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2019
  20. John How

    John How Tele-Meister

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    My best friend I met during high school. He lived in a town 15 miles away and went to a different high school...1967, his band (he’s the drummer) had a gig playing Friday night dances all summer for the teen center in his town...they needed a guitar player and they had seen me before at some dance my band was playing for...long story short, they asked me and I said yes...we’ve had several bands since then but not for about 35 or 40 years but we’re still friends though we live hours apart...we still talk often and see each other when we can...last time just a few weeks ago...
     
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