Who is Santa?

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by 1955, Dec 20, 2016.

  1. telleutelleme

    telleutelleme Doctor of Teleocity Silver Supporter

    Posts:
    19,780
    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2010
    Location:
    Houston
    Beam me up Rudolph. Santa had to change his methods when people had to start locking doors and chimneys were replaced with A/C and Heaters. I heard he is tweeting now too. #santaIwasagoodboy
     
  2. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    54,534
    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2009
    Location:
    Kelowna, BC, Canuckistan
    Well, I'm sitting down. Is it the Illuminati?
     
    Obsessed and Toto'sDad like this.
  3. william tele

    william tele Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    19,211
    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2009
    Location:
    Kansas City, MO
    I am Santacus...
     
    DrASATele and flathd like this.
  4. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    46,658
    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2011
    Location:
    Bakersfield
    It dawns on me that I have surely undermined any intentions whatsoever that Mr. Claus might have had as far as mysteriously invading my home in order to bring me something I would probably just return for either a credit or refund anyway.

    Hey Fat Boy in the red suit, GET OFF MY LAWN, AND TAKE THEM MANGY LOOKING CRITTERS WITH YOU! DON'T YOU EVER CLEAN UP AFTER THOSE THINGS?

    Here's a little something for you:

    [​IMG]
     
  5. Frank'n'censed

    Frank'n'censed Doctor of Teleocity

    Posts:
    11,811
    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2011
    Location:
    Parts Unknown
    Santa aint Satan
     
  6. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    46,658
    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2011
    Location:
    Bakersfield
    Worse!
     
  7. charlie chitlin

    charlie chitlin Doctor of Teleocity Silver Supporter

    Age:
    58
    Posts:
    15,645
    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2003
    Location:
    Kimberton
    If you come from a place where weed is legal, he has been warned about baked goods
     
    DrASATele likes this.
  8. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    46,658
    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2011
    Location:
    Bakersfield
    Come back Santo, I was only kidding, we love you Santa, please come back, pretty please, pretty please with sugar on it. You know how much you like sweets.

    [​IMG]
     
  9. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    54,534
    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2009
    Location:
    Kelowna, BC, Canuckistan
    I hate pretending to like the sweaters I get every Christmas.

    [​IMG]
     
    RetroTeleRod, JayFreddy and tery like this.
  10. Hippieway

    Hippieway Tele-Holic

    Posts:
    805
    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2009
    Location:
    virginia
    I'm Santa.
    I know because I ate the cookies.
     
    1955 likes this.
  11. Steerforth

    Steerforth Friend of Leo's

    Posts:
    3,186
    Joined:
    May 17, 2009
    Location:
    Arkansas
    When you have nearly every child on Earth screaming your praises with joy as you lead them down the primrose path of materialism with your annual orgy of consumerism-inducing generosity, people misguidedly begin to think of you as a good guy. After all, the children love you and you make them so very happy as you instill greed and avarice in their tender young hearts.

    And that's why no one thinks of you as a possible suspect if a few of the tykes happen to be devoured in the course of the festivities. "Santa? A cannibal? It's unthinkable!"

    But he's been at it for a long time. He's showing signs of advancing kuru, that's what all the jolliness and "Ho ho ho!" are about. Uncontrollable laughter. You get it with kuru. It's a sign of neurodegeneration. Unless I miss my guess, Santa should succumb to the disease before much longer and this long holiday nightmare will finally be over.
     
    JayFreddy and P Thought like this.
  12. Frank'n'censed

    Frank'n'censed Doctor of Teleocity

    Posts:
    11,811
    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2011
    Location:
    Parts Unknown
    Sure, but not around the children, they'll hear you...
     
  13. Harry Styron

    Harry Styron Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

    Posts:
    2,094
    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2011
    Location:
    Branson, Mo
    Santa, the patron saint of entitlement.
     
  14. televillian

    televillian Tele-Afflicted

    Posts:
    1,091
    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2013
    Location:
    Clarkdale, AZ
    Edmund Gwenn is his username
     
    JayFreddy likes this.
  15. String Tree

    String Tree Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    15,505
    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2010
    Location:
    Up North
    Put him on the Stand, under Oath.
    We'll see!!!
     
    P Thought likes this.
  16. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    54,534
    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2009
    Location:
    Kelowna, BC, Canuckistan
    Who is Santa? Come to think of it, he's the hardest working man in the business!

     
    Paul in Colorado likes this.
  17. P Thought

    P Thought Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    10,786
    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2009
    Location:
    Plundertown (Gasville) OR
    Time for this:

    A Christmas Eve Gig

    ‘twas the night before Christmas, and down at the bar,
    the Teles were twangin’; that’s how Teles are.
    The wife and the kids were all home, gone to bed,
    and I was out giggin’ with old Drummer Ed.

    There was smoke on the water and beer on the floor,
    and most of the customers went out the door.
    They had presents to wrap and stockings to stuff,
    and if they’d come to hear us, then they’d heard enough.

    So we played “Chestnuts Roasting,” got ready to close.
    I’d cased up my Tele, when old Eddie goes,
    “Hey, do you hear them sirens?” And I said I did
    (in the past, if we’d heard that, we’d’ve run off and hid.)

    And they kept getting louder, there were lots of them, too,
    (too late to run now, if they’re after you,)
    and then we heard a crash, and we heard some glass shatter,
    and we sprang to the door to see what was the matter.

    And there, in the door of this bar, of all bars,
    was a drunk, in a wreck, with eight shiny cop cars!
    The drunk stumbled out, and yelled, “Honey, I’m home!”
    As the cops put the cuffs on, he said, “Lea’ me alone.

    “Don’t you know that it’s Christmas, and it’s time to think
    about headin’ for home? But let’s have a drink!
    “I love Christmas!” he said, with a smile on his face,
    “with these blue and red lights all over the place!”

    The cops were excited, and maybe too rough.
    They reached for their nightsticks and tazers and stuff.
    They all looked like they were in no mood for games.
    And the drunk, cuffed and stumbling, called them all names:

    “Hey Ratfink, and Ninny, and Poopface, and Buzz,
    Yo Do-nut, and Dogbreath, Hey Copper and Fuzz!
    You can’t do this to me, you know that, because
    it’s the night before Christmas, and I’m Santa Claus!”

    The drunk tried his darnedest to raise up a riot,
    but the cops overwhelmed him, and made him be quiet.
    Me and Ed stood and watched as the cops milled around,
    and we tried to keep packing with minimal sound.

    And while one cop was reading the drunkard his rights,
    he said “Merry Christmas to you guys, and Have a Good Night!”.

    --Parrish the Thought
     
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2016
  18. cabra velha

    cabra velha Tele-Afflicted Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    1,203
    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2016
    Location:
    estados unidos
    Saint Nicholas was from Turkey, from there the story gets complicated
     
    MandyMarie and P Thought like this.
  19. LGOberean

    LGOberean Doctor of Teleocity

    Age:
    66
    Posts:
    11,958
    Joined:
    May 31, 2008
    Location:
    Corpus Christi, Texas
    JayFreddy and haggardfan1 like this.
  20. MandyMarie

    MandyMarie Friend of Leo's

    Posts:
    4,855
    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2003
    Location:
    Austin, TX
    Santa being from Turkey made me laugh and reminded me : Strongly recommend "Six to Eight Black Men" by David Sedaris for the best Christmas laugh ever.

    "Apart from a few pleasantries, Santa doesn't *speak* Spanish. He knows enough to get by, but he's not fluent."

    Listen to David read it on YouTube or Google it and read it yourself. So hilarious!
     
    1955 and JayFreddy like this.
IMPORTANT: Treat everyone here with respect, no matter how difficult!
No sex, drug, political, religion or hate discussion permitted here.