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Where to go?

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Norton72, Aug 22, 2013.

  1. Norton72

    Norton72 Tele-Afflicted

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    I'm not a member of too any forums... pretty much this one and my own motorcycle forum which I own. I'm not one of the popular guys here, in fact I think I may be in the top ten of threadkillers. But where to go to vent? I don't know, I guess you guys draw the short straw tonight. I don't have a blog, I need to vent. I don't give a good rat's ass if anyone wants to hear it or not, I just need to vent a little. "m pretty anal about grammar and such, but I don't fell like paying attention to spelling, grammar, sentence structure, or paragraphs.

    So, I can't vent at my own bike forum because that's part of it. My best friend, the one I created the forum for (long story) has just been diagnosed with stage 4 renal cell carcinoma. He's a tough old SOB, and more stubborn than I am. He has decided he is not ready to die, so he will ride out all the radiation and chemo therapy and long as he is alive and able. He's 61, but if anyone can hang through it, this bastard can. I'm a guy that is not worth a **** if he cannot offer a solution. I have no solution for this, so I find myself with not much to say in the way of support. I tell him that I hope for the best and all that good ****, but words like that ring hollow in my ears. When he first learned of it, I offered one of my kidneys if needed. That's the best I could do I felt. Turns out his left kidney is fine which is a good thing, because I am diabetic and have now learned that I can't donate a kidney. Now it seems it has spread to his right lung. I try to voice my support as best I can, but I just have never seen the point in adding my voice to the cacophony of condolences already raining down on him. I know that he already knows this about me, so I don't know why it bothers me so much.

    Anyway, so I got that going on. But I'm selfish enough that I want to go on and vent my own personal stuff. I had a pretty tumultuous life -- maybe no worse than many, maybe more eventful than some. I have recently become privy to information that many of the bad things that have happened to me in my life, things that I always claimed responsibility for, were actually beyond my control. My uncle is knocking on Death's door and has decided to apprise me of many facts about my father and his wife that I was heretofore unaware. Another long story.

    Left home at a young age, thought it was my decision but have learned that it was actually designed. Went to prison -- totally my fault. But I have to wonder, what if I had led a more "normal" life? So many other things I could go on about but frankly, I'm just too lazy to type that much.

    So why am I here? I don't know. Spilling your guts to a bunch of strangers on the internet seems like the thing to do for some people. Never thought I'd be one of them, and yet here I am. I don't know any of y'all -- never talked to you outside of this forum, never met any of you. Unlike my bike forum, where I have met and talked to almost all. Some may rightfully say "that's what a wife is for". Maybe so, if she were not sometimes part of the problem. Hey, nobody is perfect, least of all me. I have no right to expect her to be. We've known each other since we were 12 years old. Only been married for eight. Like I often tell her, we were better friends before we got married. Not looking for anyone's sympathy, just letting of steam. My apologies.
     
  2. dented

    dented Doctor of Teleocity

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    Man O man. You came to the right place. I mean to let off steam. Many of the members here like to share with the rest of us their trials and tribulations. I think many of us like the fact that it is some place you can vent. Many of the members give their best efforts to offers words of advice, solace and consolation. Some are genuine and others are not. I believe for the most part many of the members take a genuine interest because the subjects hit "home" more than some let on.

    Watching a friend or loved one suffer due to ill health is not something a person wants to do. Sometimes all we can offer is support in many different ways. Sometimes we try to help more and we are stymied by circumstances beyond our control and then we feel like we let someone down. Further from the truth can that be.

    Just maybe this is turning your somewhat history of a tumultuous life right side up. Be positive and help your friend when you can. Maybe you can read up on some of his illness and treatments and then you might better help him. You can only help others if you remain strong. Best wishes for your friend and you.
     
  3. boris bubbanov

    boris bubbanov Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

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    I remember when you joined, you seemed right away like you were "part of the family". Believe me, some of the new guys, you know they're not for real, not gonna be here 6 months. You seemed to me, to fit right away.

    I am sure there's 5,000 guys who are better at killing threads than you, and yours truly is one of them.

    I'm saying, you came to the right place to spill your guts, and we're willing to listen because next time it could be one of us in your place. Don't be calling us strangers! :^)
     
  4. AndyLowry

    AndyLowry Friend of Leo's

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    I am with you, Mr. Norton, despite geographical distances. I'm grateful to be trusted with such information. PM for a phone number if you just need to talk to somebody, okay?
     
  5. trev333

    trev333 Telefied Ad Free Member

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    This might cheer you up...:D..

    I found this old "Norton board" I started to make way back when.

    I was cleaning out the old mans shed after the property was sold.... I was making it there..

    I was making it for a mate I rode with .. he had the nicest '72 cherry red/chrome fastback 750 I've ever seen.... rode it like a maniac.. kept it in concourse condition... :cool:

    I never finished it...... he died in a simple crash that wasn't his fault... sigh... on a Harley he later brought... after his Norton was stolen out of a bike mechanics business.. who didn't have insurance?... :rolleyes:

    I might make a tele out of it?....:D
     

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  6. Stubee

    Stubee Doctor of Teleocity Gold Supporter

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    Vent away.

    On your friend: got & have had good friends dying & in one case my best friend. IMO they don't need or want your condolences. It may sound strange but they can feel your care. Just keep being a friend, talk about life, be a listener when they want to talk. Humor never hurts IME. Just be there when you can. They know they are sick & will appreciate your friendship.

    On the rest, you know things are a kilter & that's a step in the right direction. Things usually work out OK in the long haul.

    Take care there.
     
  7. studio

    studio Poster Extraordinaire

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    Hey Norton!

    You are not alone.

    There is nothing new under The Sun.

    Your story is just one of many that have gone before you
    and will play out in another life long after we are gone too.

    You are feeling deep emotion for the loss of your friend
    even though he's not gone yet, but heading in that direction.

    Would he change anything if he could about himself?
    Other than dying, probably not much. Sometimes ya don't
    need words to express yourself. To show the love you have
    for your friend by helping others who could use your help.

    Those are the things foundations are based on. Paying it forward
    and all that. You might not be a religious guy, but there's a lot
    of wisdom in the writings of those who have searched for those answers.


    Motorsickles and geetars, yer on the right path buddy.
     
  8. Norton72

    Norton72 Tele-Afflicted

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    The thing is, I AM a religious guy, but I will never be the one to say "I'm praying for you" or any of that. To me actions are more important than words, and words are cheap. (This from a guy that's on here basically soliciting words.) Anyway, there are plenty of others saying those things so I guess I figure it matters more at this point what you do.

    And to Stubee, humor is my way of dealing with things. Even though my friends know that is my way, I cannot help to feel that the line has to be drawn somewhere, even for me.

    Trev -- yeah, make a Tele out of it, that would be the balls.
     
  9. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    In this case I can actually say, I know what you are going through and mean it. My son was diagnosed with esophageal cancer over a year ago. He had major surgery and has undergone a horrendous chemo therapy. He has lost over 100 pounds, but is still hanging tuff. I do pray ever day, I can't help it, it's all I've got.

    Around three months ago, my daughter checked herself into a hospital while she was on a business trip. She was experiencing some weird motor control loss, and found out she had a blood clot in her brain. She's been getting treatment for the condition, and has improved to the point where they have said it was OK to drive and continue her duties at work, but she's still not well. We pray for that too. It's a terrible feeling to be in a position like this for you truly can do nothing but hope.

    I wish you well,

    TD
     
  10. 1955

    1955 Doctor of Teleocity

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    There are few that would offer their kidney for their friend. That is a real friend.

    Sometimes there is nothing you can do, that is very tough to deal with. I'm a solution-oriented person, too.

    There is a lot of pollution and chemicals in the world that humans have created, (and there are other factors as well) that cause bad things to happen to people.

    Some things are out of our control, and it can throw us if we aren't careful. In those times of testing and suffering and challenges, we can stand firm, and know that it will all ultimately work out, though beyond our immediate perception now.

    The feeling you feel when you care for someone who is in pain, that is the real person, I believe. That goes beyond our body, our flesh. That friendship, the love, the desire to want to help, that is all you can do sometimes, and it is enough. It inspires.

    Compassion is the hallmark of people who are more than this very short physical life.

    I'd be very honored to have you as a friend, and here on TDPRI, I feel I do.
     
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2013
  11. AussieAndrew

    AussieAndrew Friend of Leo's

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    Done it again. Type for 1/2 an hour, hit the backspace to delete a letter and land on the new posts forum. "Everything" deleted [​IMG]
    I'll try again.
     
  12. 1955

    1955 Doctor of Teleocity

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    "Select all" & "copy," only way to go! I have to frequently do it. I've lost a lot of stuff when I forgot.
     
  13. String Tree

    String Tree Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    Norton72

    It is now Beer:30.

    Sorry to hear about your friend.
    Sitting back, watching things spin out of control isn't any fun.
     
  14. tpaul

    tpaul Poster Extraordinaire

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    Man, offering a kidney is the most amazingly loving thing you could do.

    Since that's not an option, maybe find something else meaningful to offer? Your time, maybe. Or your skills. Or your ears. Only you know what would be appreciated on his part, and possible on your part.

    As for your wife, don't feel you have to unburden yourself to her, but do let her know if you're hurting. She'll know anyway but she'll appreciate that you tell her.

    Oh, and you can come here to vent any time.
     
  15. AussieAndrew

    AussieAndrew Friend of Leo's

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    Done it again.
    Venting your spleen is perfectly acceptible as far as I'm concerned.
    Humour cures all ills (emotionally) most 'o times.
    For those of us that care and have an active conscience - we judge ourselves more harshly than others do. Don't beat yourself up needlessly, you haven't done anything wrong to your friend.

    I have some sad stories of my own family but I can't type it a 3rd time, and upon thinking about it, perhaps it was a little self absorbtion on my behalf.
    We all have sad and tragic stories and experiences. And it's not my thread.

    Try as we do, we cannot fight the thunder & lightening.
    Getting long in the tooth is not so much fun (pity youth is wasted on the young) and soon enough we all pass on [​IMG]
    All we can really do is try to keep a bright perspective and do the best we can.
    In this case I think all you can do is be yourself and be there for your friend.
    Showing that you are feeling sorry for your friend wll not help him, in fact it may annoy & irritate him.
    By the way, I too am a believer. My trust in Him.
    (I hope you are not annoyed with my post)
     
  16. AussieAndrew

    AussieAndrew Friend of Leo's

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    I am very very hungry, maybe not thinking straight. Thanks !
     
  17. kevoz

    kevoz Tele-Holic

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    Hey, nothing wrong with venting, many kindred souls here. i don't go to pubs or clubs anymore (don't drink, so not much use in it really), this is a good place to let off a bit of steam.
     
  18. trev333

    trev333 Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Fire away.... ;)

    I live on my own... most days I don't see anyone, let alone talk to anyone... yet, the internet/forums allows you to be a part of "something" .. have a thing that lets you have your say by posting thoughts and feelings sometimes.... watch streaming surf comps, skype.... all sorts of connections...;)

    most will never be realised face to face.... someday they might....:cool:

    many interest forums become more than the posts typed in.... they become a community of sorts between the regular users/posters... people find a place to share "life" stuff going on... we should all respect that...

    through this forum in a roundabout way , I've helped people from all over the globe in some way..... never thinking they couldn't be "just the bloke down the road"....

    we all talk guitars... and other stuff.. mmkkk..;)
     
  19. uriah1

    uriah1 Telefied Gold Supporter

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    Sorry about your bud... and yes, this is a good place to vent sometimes...everyone
    has been there and done that,..and, that helps...comradery, etc, etc.

    hang loose...just typing here, has you on a better road...
     
  20. guitarzan13

    guitarzan13 Friend of Leo's

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    This is why this is the BEST forum ever.

    Sorry for your friend's situation. Vent away anytime...
     
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