I'm not a member of too any forums... pretty much this one and my own motorcycle forum which I own. I'm not one of the popular guys here, in fact I think I may be in the top ten of threadkillers. But where to go to vent? I don't know, I guess you guys draw the short straw tonight. I don't have a blog, I need to vent. I don't give a good rat's ass if anyone wants to hear it or not, I just need to vent a little. "m pretty anal about grammar and such, but I don't fell like paying attention to spelling, grammar, sentence structure, or paragraphs. So, I can't vent at my own bike forum because that's part of it. My best friend, the one I created the forum for (long story) has just been diagnosed with stage 4 renal cell carcinoma. He's a tough old SOB, and more stubborn than I am. He has decided he is not ready to die, so he will ride out all the radiation and chemo therapy and long as he is alive and able. He's 61, but if anyone can hang through it, this bastard can. I'm a guy that is not worth a **** if he cannot offer a solution. I have no solution for this, so I find myself with not much to say in the way of support. I tell him that I hope for the best and all that good ****, but words like that ring hollow in my ears. When he first learned of it, I offered one of my kidneys if needed. That's the best I could do I felt. Turns out his left kidney is fine which is a good thing, because I am diabetic and have now learned that I can't donate a kidney. Now it seems it has spread to his right lung. I try to voice my support as best I can, but I just have never seen the point in adding my voice to the cacophony of condolences already raining down on him. I know that he already knows this about me, so I don't know why it bothers me so much. Anyway, so I got that going on. But I'm selfish enough that I want to go on and vent my own personal stuff. I had a pretty tumultuous life -- maybe no worse than many, maybe more eventful than some. I have recently become privy to information that many of the bad things that have happened to me in my life, things that I always claimed responsibility for, were actually beyond my control. My uncle is knocking on Death's door and has decided to apprise me of many facts about my father and his wife that I was heretofore unaware. Another long story. Left home at a young age, thought it was my decision but have learned that it was actually designed. Went to prison -- totally my fault. But I have to wonder, what if I had led a more "normal" life? So many other things I could go on about but frankly, I'm just too lazy to type that much. So why am I here? I don't know. Spilling your guts to a bunch of strangers on the internet seems like the thing to do for some people. Never thought I'd be one of them, and yet here I am. I don't know any of y'all -- never talked to you outside of this forum, never met any of you. Unlike my bike forum, where I have met and talked to almost all. Some may rightfully say "that's what a wife is for". Maybe so, if she were not sometimes part of the problem. Hey, nobody is perfect, least of all me. I have no right to expect her to be. We've known each other since we were 12 years old. Only been married for eight. Like I often tell her, we were better friends before we got married. Not looking for anyone's sympathy, just letting of steam. My apologies.