When did you know it was over?

Dennyf

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"Yeah...we could do that. We'd be good and it would be fun. Then it would start to go downhill. We'd lose a member or 2 and we'd have a hard time replacing them. People would get on each other's nerves and it would start to suck. Then it would fizzle. I just don't have it in me to get started. No thanks."
This is where I was a couple years ago, and still am. I had a good run of almost 50 years of gigging in bands, and while it was mostly fun and rewarding, I also encountered just about every negative aspect related by y'all in that time. For a long time, it was still worth it.

But not anymore. Don't regret for one minute any of it, and enjoyed the hell out of most of it. But eventually, there's not enough fun left in it to put up with the inevitable hassles.
 

Fret Wilkes

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what was it about?

We rehearsed at one of two home studios that band members have. The one we used had issues with the PA, it was hissing like crazy for some reason. I mentioned it, the gent that owns the place tried fixing it. It took some time and was reduced some, but he still fiddled with it trying to get it gone. Another band member said "That's good enough, let's just get to practicing as we've only got two hours". Seemed like a fair statement, presented in an urgent, but not ugly way, and true. Well, it didn't go over well at all, and it just got a little weird there for a while. These guys really like each other too, but what I saw I must admit I found disturbing. But, as I said, it was smoother over and when we left all was right in the world. I've just never seen that harsh a response from this one person ever, and I've known him for years. Perhaps there was "other things" in his life going on that gave him a short fuse, dunno. Hope I don't see it again.
 

Flat6Driver

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We rehearsed at one of two home studios that band members have. The one we used had issues with the PA, it was hissing like crazy for some reason. I mentioned it, the gent that owns the place tried fixing it. It took some time and was reduced some, but he still fiddled with it trying to get it gone. Another band member said "That's good enough, let's just get to practicing as we've only got two hours". Seemed like a fair statement, presented in an urgent, but not ugly way, and true. Well, it didn't go over well at all, and it just got a little weird there for a while. These guys really like each other too, but what I saw I must admit I found disturbing. But, as I said, it was smoother over and when we left all was right in the world. I've just never seen that harsh a response from this one person ever, and I've known him for years. Perhaps there was "other things" in his life going on that gave him a short fuse, dunno. Hope I don't see it again.
When I'm tired and the equipment is failing a little and it's noisy cause the drummer never stops pounding away, I get irritated. Esp when setting up for a gig. So I can see why he'd be annoyed....don't know the response only you do, but totally get it.
 

Fret Wilkes

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When I'm tired and the equipment is failing a little and it's noisy cause the drummer never stops pounding away, I get irritated. Esp when setting up for a gig. So I can see why he'd be annoyed....don't know the response only you do, but totally get it.
I'm with you with irratation, understood. I just thought the response was a tad EXTREME. ;0)
 

getbent

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I have been told that anger comes from fear. Most people fear failure. The host probably blew because he was feeling like he failed and let the band down and the guy suggesting you just play and quit messing with it just poked the failure button (not his fault) and the guy flipped.

I always regret the times I'm brittle and am not my 'best self'

glad they sorted it out. That guy may be a better guest than host.
 

Fret Wilkes

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I have been told that anger comes from fear. Most people fear failure. The host probably blew because he was feeling like he failed and let the band down and the guy suggesting you just play and quit messing with it just poked the failure button (not his fault) and the guy flipped.

I always regret the times I'm brittle and am not my 'best self'

glad they sorted it out. That guy may be a better guest than host.

You know, I think you are 100% on it! The last time we practiced at his studio his instrument wouldn't function properly through the entire session. He doesn't like to practice anyway, and would much prefer it be done at his studio (doesn't have to leave, doesn't have to lug any gear). The other studio we use is flawless, and a pleasure to be in, so yeah, I think you've nailed it. I missed that somehow!
 

raito

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For the bahd I worked for non-musicslly in the 80's, the beginning of the end came when the record producers started sniffing around. The band already had some recording success. One of their songs got picked up by the UW women's basketball program for their theme one year. But the song that everyone was after was written by the second guitarist and me (!). It made it out of the local radio music show and into light rotation for a couple months.

While it was great hearing the song on the radio during the local show, it was a huge rush hearing it played just like some regular hit!

In the band, everyone sang. There was a girl singer who also played some keys and clarinet. The drummer sang a bunch as did the second guitarist. The bassist and lead guitarist did a song or two.

But the girl singer didn't like it that the song most likely to succeed wasn't one she sang.
 

JamesFlames714

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UPDATE !!

Tour was great! We made all of our money back and had an insane amount of fun ! We went out with another group and that really eased the interpersonal dynamics so going forward as long as we aren't just the four of us in a bubble for days on end it seems like sky is the limit. Looks like we could have the chance to do some shows outside the US too! So uhhhh moral is just hang there I guess ?! But also know your boundaries and don't be afraid to put your foot down when you need to... that's what I think I learned anyway.
 

T Prior

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Interesting replies. More often than not , WE may see the end but others do not. Many just motor on not even recognizing issues around them. They live in their own perfect world. Or maybe they are just taking others for granted and thats a much bigger problem. Or maybe they view you (me) as a lessor player and don't care what we think. We just follow orders.

Each of us have different characteristics, some of us leash out, argue , put up the good fight. Others just stay silent then next thing ya know they announce they are done and have moved on, they have had enough. Then the others say " Dude , we had no idea, why didn't you say something" ?

The response, "I did , by staying silent"... "You didn't much care what I was thinking and arguing is not for me"... "I'm here to play music". Then "Oh my god , our lead player / harmony singer just quit with no notice". They blame you or me. "WE" have become the bad guys. See how easy that was ? LOL

Bands rarely break up because of the music , typically its always about a player or a few players, or a band leader who takes liberties , because he or she is "the band leader" and feel they can do whatever they like without permission or discussion. They have become the LEADER with a backup band behind them. They answer to no one and they feel they are not obligated to do so, even with others that they have worked with for many many years. They apparently forgot their roots, or worse, don't care.

Over the past many decades I have been blessed, fortunate etc..to play with many bands, ensembles, call them whatever. I don't recall quitting any of them due to another member or anyone quitting because of me. BUT I can recall several bands I moved on from due to a so called band leader that removed himself from the music and placed himself well above the band members in importance. These types of band leaders, interestingly enough, are always looking for NEW or STEADY players. I wonder why that is ? In some cases, band leaders can also be the weakest player in the group but their egos are larger than life ! Exercising authority becomes front and center.

What category am I in ? Decades back I would argue , that was me--- these days I am the silent one, observing, contemplating tomorrow. I want to play reasonably good music, not get into a good argument !
 
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KeithDavies 100

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UPDATE !!

Tour was great! We made all of our money back and had an insane amount of fun ! We went out with another group and that really eased the interpersonal dynamics so going forward as long as we aren't just the four of us in a bubble for days on end it seems like sky is the limit. Looks like we could have the chance to do some shows outside the US too! So uhhhh moral is just hang there I guess ?! But also know your boundaries and don't be afraid to put your foot down when you need to... that's what I think I learned anyway.
Wow - fantastic! Sounds like a huge adventure ahead, and who doesn't love huge adventures?!!

All the very best with it all.
 

Skyhook

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I'm going through this, at church but I'm going to keep my post strictly music related.


Our piano player has been there and faithful for years. She is a great musician, but not an ensemble player. Not in the least lol. I don't know if it's lack of experience, or diva behavior--and I've been trying to find a way to work with her for years now.

She has no concept of leaving space. Everything she knows goes into everything she plays. Over vocals, over my leads. It's exhausting. She puts every fill and run and flourish she knows into every second of every song. It is an assault to my ears.

Moreover, she refuses to play in the keys in which I sing. A and E are not an option. She doesn't like to play in D. She will often leave the stage when I sing, while I am expected to play any song in any key she prefers. She is a very good singer, in the style of Connie Smith.

I have wanted to quit for so long...but I made a commitment.
The band will never, ever, be more than the sum of the parts. It grieves me, but there's not a thing I can change.
You need to quit that.
And I think you also need to tell everyone the reasons pretty much in the same words you did here.
 




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