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When co-workers you dislike are terminally ill

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Bones, Aug 24, 2010.

  1. kelnet

    kelnet Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Okay, so you have no reason to be in contact with the guy any more. I think you should be able to gently tell everyone at work that you would prefer not to get involved in any group support stuff.
     
  2. Brian blaut

    Brian blaut Friend of Leo's

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    the thing is, it affects people when someone they know dies, or is going to die. Even if they didn't particularly care for the person previously. They are feeling compassion for him right now. They are forgiving and forgetting what ever beef they might have had. Their feelings for him are elevated because they feel sorry for him. Plus they realize that this could be THEM. It could happen to anyone. They are dealing with their own feelings of mortality which is rocking their world. They imagine what would happen to their own families if they died. Despite how close they were to the guy, or if they even really liked him, their way of dealing with the whole issue is to reach out to the guy and shower him with compassion. They want to constantly talk about the latest news because it's important to them right now. When my mother was dying, I was CRAZY about every latest status update. It was one way to keep connected to the situation. Even though there was nothing I could do, I could at least keep up with every last bit of information. This whole thing and the way they are dealing is important to your co-workers. I don't think they are hypocrites. Even if they didn't like him, they are dealing with lots of feelings and getting through this in a way that feels right to them.

    You are having a different reaction. Do whatever you want. The rest of your coworkers are, belive it or not, having somewhat of a bonding experience over this. If you make too profound a statement in your stance, eyebrows will raise. They won't necessarily see you're point of view because they are reacting emotionally right now, and you are seemingly reacting more logical and even tempered. It will likely look very disrepectful and petty and grudging. -Likely you will be showing a quality that many of them will list in their own list of "not my type of guys". Just sayin. At this point, staying in the group, even as little as necessary, is basically support and respect for the group, more so than the man. The group you work with. The group that will be doing this for you when your number is up.
     
  3. chezdeluxe

    chezdeluxe Poster Extraordinaire

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    If he was hanging by his fingertips 20 floors up would you reach out and grab him?
    Of course you would. A helping hand now won't hurt you and seriously the guy sounds like a jerk but not a monster. Save your disregard for the monsters among us.
     
  4. Skully

    Skully Doctor of Teleocity

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    This is a good case for being compassionate and patient with the coworkers you like who are obsessed with his illness, and maybe part of that is feigning concern for the sick jerk.
     
  5. jonzer

    jonzer Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    This guy is uncaring and insensitive from your side of the story. OK, so he's unlikable and that's agreed. But he's not a hatchet man who's out to get you.
    Do the right thing before your negative energy consumes you.

    Some people like this guy. Someone loves him. Someone's going to miss him.

    Do the right thing.
     
  6. kelnet

    kelnet Telefied Ad Free Member

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    So what exactly is the "right thing" that people are suggesting you do?
     
  7. MikeS29

    MikeS29 Tele-Meister

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    Everyone dies. Nice people die, a$Zholes die, everyone. It is not like you have the cure and are withholding it. You are under no obligation to pretend you like him or to reach out to a$zholes whether they are 50 years from the end of their lives or 50 minutes.

    I will die too. The people I love and who love me will care enough to be there if they are able. If there was a coworker I treated like $#!+, I would expect them to miss the party.
     
  8. Dan German

    Dan German Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

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    From another perspective, I'd like to say that when my mother was dying of cancer, I was really bothered by the almost obsessive "concern" shown by people who barely knew her or our family, such as co-workers and neighbourhood personalities. It always felt more like knee-jerk compulsive compassion intended to make them feel better about themselves than to help my mother or our family deal with a difficult situation. I would have been more comfortable if they had just stepped back.

    The pressure you are feeling at work sounds to me like a ramped-up version of the guilt applied when yet another "whip-round" to buy a gift for the baby/wedding/son's graduation/confirmation/bar mitzvah of some co-worker whose name you can barely remember is dropped on your desk.
     
  9. JayFreddy

    JayFreddy Poster Extraordinaire

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    And that someone could be your boss. I would avoid the appearance of seeming uncaring and callous to the boss and other co-workers. You shouldn't have to lie, just put on the best game face that you can, for the sake of the team, your boss, and your job.
     
  10. elihu

    elihu Poster Extraordinaire

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    Now that made me laugh out loud!


    Interesting thread.

    But to me it sounds like your behavior and thoughts are driven by your issues with the sick guy. Your co-workers are just the daily reminders of them. I suspect you won't find peace until you address those root issues.
     
  11. RodeoTex

    RodeoTex Doctor of Teleocity

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    I'm reading this thread with great interest and am picturing that guy at my workplace. I think Bones has thought this through, knowing all the details involved.

    I wouldn't do much more than sign a card. The guy at my work went out of his way to be a jerk to me and make me look bad in front of everyone else, so he'd have to make some ammends before my attitude changed.
     
  12. boris bubbanov

    boris bubbanov Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

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    I'm very impressed with the strength you have to have to do that job. That's the real heavy lifting as far as I am concerned.

    Dealing with this drag co-worker may seem important in some way but in my manner of weighing the responsibilities you have already done more hard work than most people did this month - exactly what effort you give to getting past this guy and his problems while keeping the boss happy is Job # 11 and there is no wrong answer. Anything is cool.

    ++

    I sure wish we could shift some of this worlds resources away from the dying screwups of the human world and spend more time/love/money on these noble creatures out there in the Gulf.
     
  13. Skully

    Skully Doctor of Teleocity

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  14. kelnet

    kelnet Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Yep. I hate those things.
    Then there's the "buy a box of chocolates and support my grand-niece's Grade 3 trip to Disneyland" request. It all gets a bit too much.
     
  15. Robert H.

    Robert H. Friend of Leo's Gold Supporter

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    Sounds like you made up your mind about what to do before posting this thread...So why then ask a bunch of Tele players...?
     
  16. otterhound

    otterhound Poster Extraordinaire

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    This sounds like some of your coworkers and boss just might be feeling some guilt about not being honest with him and trying to cover up by overdoing it . This obviously leaves you in a difficult position . I say that you should concentrate on you job and try to steer your contact with others towards that whenever possible . In other words , stay professional at work . Once this passes , it may even put you in a good place when your boss sees your commitment to your professionalism at work . I realize that my last statement may sound cold , but , life goes on . After he is gone , you need to be able to live with yourself . Wish you the best . Sadly , it's apparently past that point for your coworker . I agree with Tim .
     
  17. Bones

    Bones Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Because these guys are always right when it comes to pickguard colors and string heights.:lol:


    Seriously though, the point has been made several times, I'm not asking what I should do,I'm asking what others do in these situations. It's just a topic of conversation between people that i see as more than just tele players, there's people from all walks of life here with interesting ideas on a variety of subjects and life experiences.
     
  18. jimbojo

    jimbojo Tele-Meister

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    I can relate, I have worked construction for over 25 years and as often as not I have probably been the jerk, not lazy, but lets just say I've pissed off my share of co-workers. It is obviously a tough situation and you have an honest desire to be genuine which is most respectable. I guess the only thing I would say is put yourself in this guys shoes. I often wonder how big my funeral would be, and I know it would be huge, but then how many would be there with a grin. I know I am kinda ramblin but, my point is how much would it hurt to let the past be water under the bridge. Not sayin run down and act like you and this guy are buds, but to just let go of the past and open up to at least some kind of sympathy for this guy and his family. I think if that was a path you chose then you would genuinely take at least some interest in his condition and probably would feal at least a little less bitter towards the guy. What would that really hurt, it doesn't seem like people are presureing you to do more than show some minimal sympathy. Thats my 2 cent, for what its worth.
     
  19. Buckocaster51

    Buckocaster51 Super Moderator Staff Member Ad Free Member

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    Sometimes a person just finds themselves in a situation where there is nothing that you can do that will not cause criticism to come your way.

    Just last Saturday I was accused by two different people of being surly and gregarious within minutes.

    When things like that happen I try to remember two things: First, do no harm and second, the good ol' Thumper Doctrine.

    It doesn't hurt to pay it forward either.

    Those are all overused clichés but there are probably some pretty good reasons they are overused.
     
  20. jhegel

    jhegel Tele-Meister

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    +1
     
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