What's your stupid, short joke today??

[sloppychops]

Knock, knock.

Just go away.

 

[tbp0701]

A German Shepherd walks into a telegram office to send a message to his master. "Woof woof. Woof woof woof. Woof! Woof woof."

The telegram operator tells the dog, "You can add three more 'woofs' for the same price."

The German Shepherd cocks his head and says, "But that wouldn't make any sense at all."

 

[Flyboy]

Did you hear about the Englishman who thought that Sugar Diabetes was a Welsh boxer?

 

[zimbo]

Smell it? I'm sitting in it.

 

[Festofish]

I’m not a fig plucker,
nor a fig pluckers son
but I’ll pluck them figs ‘til the fig plucker comes.

 

[Festofish]

Do short people get excited when they bump their head on something ?

It doesn’t happen very often. I’m 4’11” and I rarely bump my head. It’s a special occasion when it does happen!

 

[basher]

Heisenberg, Shrodinger, and Ohm are on a road trip, and they get pulled over. The cop comes up to the car and asks Heisenberg, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg says "Nope! But I know exactly where I am."

The cop says "You were going 90 miles an hour."

Heisenberg says "Oh, great! Now I'm lost."

The cop tells them to open the trunk, goes back and has a look, and says "Hey, you know you've got a dead cat back here?"

Shrodinger says, "Well, we do now, a**hole!"

The cop decides to arrest them. Ohm resists.

 

[MTPoteet]

newly married couple make love standing up next to an open window. In there ardour they fall out the open window.. land upon the sidewalk below and lie still embraced unconscious!
A drunk tramp walking down the street sees the couple lying there and proceeds to knock upon the nearest door...he is greeted by home owner
Home owner: What do you want?
drunk tramp; ''jussst informing you YOUR SIGNS FFFFFFALLEN DOWN!!!!''

Gene Tracy/ Truck Stop Jokes?

 

[KooKooKachoo]

Why couldn't Cinderella play soccer?

Because she ran away from the ball.

It's not her fault though... Her coach was a pumpkin.

 

[KooKooKachoo]

Did you hear about the sea sponge who wanted to be by himself? He wanted to remain… ALOOFAH

 

[KooKooKachoo]

What happens when you drop a duck egg? …it QUACKS.

 

[mikestearns]

Growing up I always thought age was nothing but a number. But it turns out, its how many years you've been alive.

 

[Fendereedo]

Police pull over guy speeding down the road doing 90mph. Cop says 'Do you know what speed you were doing? ', guy says 'No, sorry officer, I was late for work, and wasn't watching the speedo'.
'Ok, I'm warning you, I don't want to see you speeding again, or I'm going to arrest you'.

Next day the same guy speeds past the cop doing 90mph again. Cop puts his siren on and pulls the guy over. 'I told you yesterday about speeding, and here you are again today doing 90mph again, this time I'm arresting you for speeding, and taking you in'.

Guy squirms and says 'But I'll be late and get the sack, can you please at least call my work, and let them know I will be late? '. The cop agrees, and asks the driver his name, whereupon the speeding driver replies 'Wankbreak'. The cop looks at him funny, and calls the drivers place of work. There is a click and voice at the other end of the line that says 'Hello'. The cop starts talking, 'Hi I wonder if you have Wankbreak there? '. The voice on the line says 'Wankbreak?! We haven't even got time for a tea break mate! '

 

[ReverendRevolver]

This thread is now a year old.

I don't have much left regarding short dumb jokes.

But I have plenty of Chuck Norris facts.

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he just stares them down for the information he needs.

Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris's house is a Total Gym. And yes, he does live in a roundhouse.

 

[fendrguitplayr]

What do you call an ant who fights crime?

A vigilANTe!