What's your stupid, short joke today??

[wacolo]

 

[CB_2005]

What do all national anthems have in common?

They are all country music!

 

[sudogeek]

Today my wife called me a sex machine!

Her actual words were “you’re a f**king tool” but I know what she means.

 

[That Cal Webway]

For 50 years I thought the beginning lyrics to "Helpless" were,

"There is a clown in North Ontario"

.

 

[WRHB]

For 50 years I thought the beginning lyrics to "Helpless" were,

"There is a clown in North Ontario"

.

Don’t feel bad. Keith Whitley sang a song “I’m no stranger to the rain.” I always heard that line and thought he was singing “I’m no stranger to Lorraine.” I always thought Lorraine was a woman of questionable morals. Felt like an idiot when I learned the truth.

 

[TigerG]

What do you get when you cross Lassie with a cantaloupe?

A little melancholy.

 

[Flaneur]

I was sat at the bottom of the garden a week ago, smoking a
reflective cheroot, thinking about this and that - mostly that, and I
just happened to glance at the night sky and I marvelled at the
millions of stars glistening like pieces of quicksilver thrown
carelessly onto black velvet. In awe I watched the waxen moon ride
across the zenith of the heavens like an amber chariot towards the
void of infinite space wherein the tethered bolts of Jupiter and Mars
hang forever in their orbital majesty; and as I looked at all this, I
thought, 'I must put a roof on this lavatory'.
Les Dawson

 

[Flaneur]

I bought this new wine , it’s a mixture of Muscadet and Hock. It’s called Muck ‘

Les Dawson is comedy royalty, in the UK......

 

[bullfrogblues]

I was unsure of whether to post this one or not, if offensive I apologize!


I dated a midget once....




I was nuts over her!

 

[O- Fender]

The night before the battle of Little Bighorn, Col Custer is approached by one of his lieutenants. "Sir, there is a large group of Indians on the other side of that ridge. And frankly, I don't like the sound of those drums."

Suddenly a distant voice is heard out of the darkness. "That's not our regular drummer!"

"Sir, we must be on our guard and fully prepared in case the drums stop."
"Why? What does that mean if the drums stop? "

"Bass solo."
‐------

"These Siouxs are killing me. "
- General Custer

 

[39martind18]

"Short and stupid joke?" My brother-in-law!

 

[rsclosson]

Say what you like about waiters, but I think they bring a lot to the table.

 

[StoneH]

For 50 years I thought the beginning lyrics to "Helpless" were,

"There is a clown in North Ontario"

.

"Carry a laser down the road I must travel" ~ Mr. Mister

"Wrapped up like a douche . . . " ~ Manfred Mann

 

[Thebluesman]

woman: I remember when i was younger ....
My breasts were firm now they sag!
I was slim but now i'm fat
My skin was smooth but now its wrinkled
What do you say dear???
Man: Your EYESIGHT is ABSOLUTELY PERFECT!

 

[sax4blues]

I used to be an optimist, but I was constantly disappointed.
Now I’m a pessimist and things are looking up.