What's the best line you've come up with lately?

Discussion in 'The Writers' Block' started by Charlie Bernstein, Apr 7, 2020.

  1. Charlie Bernstein

    Charlie Bernstein Poster Extraordinaire

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    Looks like it's coming together fine with no help from me. Stick with the same old recipe: Tweak till done.

    Makes me think of one I wrote a long time ago that goes in the opposite direction: "Somebody Else's Blues." The gist: Everything's dandy, but I feel lousy anyhow.

    The bad news is, it turned out David Bromberg had an even older one called "Someone Else's Blues." Luckily, the two songs don't have much else in common. We gave the concept totally different spins. Close call, though!
     
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  2. Teleguy61

    Teleguy61 Friend of Leo's

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    Lame Duck at 25-to-1 in the Preakness.

    What?
     
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  3. Charlie Bernstein

    Charlie Bernstein Poster Extraordinaire

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    It's like women in Alaska say: The odds are good, but the goods are odd.
     
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  4. Don Miller

    Don Miller Tele-Afflicted

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    Actually at last count, there were slightly more women than men in the state....and having been involved with a few of them, the "goods are odd" part applies to them as well....

    "you don't have to be crazy to live here...but it sure helps..."
     
  5. Splodgeness

    Splodgeness Tele-Meister

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    Here's a few lines that I'm still trying fit into a song.....

    "She flew into my life with a blazing smoke trail, Hair streaming in the wind, Her ruby red lips in a beckoning smile And eyes that were full of sin"
     
  6. telestratosonic

    telestratosonic Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    Cool!
    Speaking from this side of the pond where New Country is big (I'm a 70 year old Classic Country kinda guy though.), I'd say that those lyrics would go nicely with a couple or all of these tossed into the mix:
    1) a pickup truck (Dodge, an old Mercury, GMC, Chevy, or Ford only though - no imports);
    2) too many beers or shots of Jack Daniels, Tequila, etc.;
    3) a bar with a country band playing;
    3) fishing, fishing rod, boat and motor (no canoes or kayaks);
    4) farm/ranch;
    5) on my days off from long days away from home working on an oil/drill rig.

    Lol.
     
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2020
  7. Charlie Bernstein

    Charlie Bernstein Poster Extraordinaire

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    My best so far today is for new verses I'm writing for for "Shortnin' Bread." Been playing it fast Delta slide-style, open G tuning:

    Two little babies sittin' in bed,
    one half-alive, the other half-dead.
     
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  8. Dreadnut

    Dreadnut Tele-Afflicted

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    A new work in progress:

    Viagra and Lasix Blues (The Old Guy Song)


    When you get old things just stop workin'

    I take one pill to drain me and one more to maintain me

    They got me so confused I’m pissin’ and moanin’

    I just don't know whether I'm comin' or goin'



    If the effects last longer than 4 hours

    Call your doctor or you might lose your life

    If that happens, I’m not callin’ the doctor

    But I’ll darn sure be callin’ my wife
     
  9. telestratosonic

    telestratosonic Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    Now that's dark. Dark, edgy lyrics always grab my attention.
     
  10. Charlie Bernstein

    Charlie Bernstein Poster Extraordinaire

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    Best one today:

    One step forward, two steps back,
    can't fix the world and drive a Cadillac.
    We're all in a whirl 'cause the world's out o' whack.
    One step forward, two steps back.
     
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  11. kbold

    kbold Tele-Afflicted Silver Supporter

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    Snippet of recent WIP:

    I struggle helpless, between love and fate
    You're sharpening the blade that your lips encase
    You look at me and smile, finger on the trigger
    Is it hello or goodbye you whisper, it's hard for me to figure

    Still you've got to turn that dial
    With your painted fingertips
    Whichever way you turn, choose wisely
    Or you may be stepping out of beat
     
  12. kbold

    kbold Tele-Afflicted Silver Supporter

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    Or maybe .... nursery-rhyme style. Perfect for a horror movie.
     
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  13. trev333

    trev333 Telefied Ad Free Member

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    My Grandma sang to the Butcher birds,
    in the sweetest voice I'd ever heard.
    They'd perch up there in the old gum tree
    then fly on down, sit on the railing next to me...

    I just made that up then.... thinking about my old grandma .. how she'd sing to the birds and they'd fly down to get some meat scraps from her fingers...as a young kid, I thought she was magical, she was friends with birds.......wooooo..:)
     
  14. Pickingthru

    Pickingthru Tele-Meister Silver Supporter

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    Just don't look at the mirror
    and you won't get old.
    Look where you're going
    look where you're running
    and you won't get old
     
  15. Charlie Bernstein

    Charlie Bernstein Poster Extraordinaire

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    That can be your version. The world is enough of a horror movie without me heaping more on!

    So I dig da blooz.

    Here's good ol' Spider John: Shortnin' Bread

    Groovy on electric, too. Here's my Moon Man: Shortnin' Bread
     
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  16. Charlie Bernstein

    Charlie Bernstein Poster Extraordinaire

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    Sweet!
     
  17. Charlie Bernstein

    Charlie Bernstein Poster Extraordinaire

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    You're on to something! Reminds me of one I wrote a couple of years ago:

    She said, "I only came to see you to give you back your ring."
    I said, “That's such a tired lyric, give me something I can sing."
    Threw it at me — but she missed! So I know she really cared.
    If she ever pulls a trigger, got no reason to be scared . . . .
     
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  18. KCKC

    KCKC Tele-Afflicted

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    Mamma ran the whiskey,
    they called her Mrs. Mash.
    "Meet the 'needs' of your neighbors son,
    And you'll always have a stash."
     
  19. Charlie Bernstein

    Charlie Bernstein Poster Extraordinaire

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    Nice! Reminds me of a new one and an old one of mine:

    The new one:

    I steal it from the silo, I stick it in the still,
    I've always craved corn liquor, good lord willing, always will.

    The old:

    I know a gal named Maggie Red, kicked Carrie Nation smack in the head.
    Bottled in bond and dressed to kill, runs a ten-mile tab at the whiskey still.
     
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  20. P Thought

    P Thought Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    Woke up ridin' on the outbound train,
    I had to leave my baby, just to ease her pain


    (from "Wise Blood", one of the best songs I've written, derived from Flannery O'Connor's story by that name. Another snippet--"the truth is a lie"--is in the song, started the whole thing, because I thought it would be fun if I and my friend the school librarian each put it into a song and see what would happen. Hers I have forgotten, but mine came out pretty good; I had just finished reading Wise Blood. I do remember thinking that her song wasn't half bad either.)

    The truth is a lie I keep telling myself
    I got it from a book I keep back home on the shelf

    (I must have been listening to Howlin' Wolf at the time, too. "Wise Blood" is a series of couplets, each with the first line sung three times and the last line once. The chorus is a quatrain about the dragon.)
     
    Last edited: May 27, 2020
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