What do you say to a friend when ...

T-bone Ted

Tele-Meister
Joined
Feb 28, 2018
Posts
160
Location
Louisville, Ky
My son's band had a show/gig on Friday night and afterward I left to see a friend's band play across town. I made it to the show ahead of schedule since they did not start until about 10:40 pm. Got to talk to my friend and several other friends that also made it to the show. Good times...hell, I was glad to be out with actual social interaction having a beer and chatting with people.

Anyway, the band is a new group of musicians that were only playing their 3rd gig. They are a punk rock band and they play half covers/originals. I stuck around for 5 songs before I had to depart. Left after 5 songs because I just felt I needed to get home for some reason. On the way home there were sirens going off on most of my route home (11 mile trip). Really strange weather pattern with really strong winds had triggered tornado warnings.
We got lucky and did not lose our power nor did we have any damage due to down trees. The sirens were going off until about 1:00 am! The family was safe and able to sleep at last.

Just weird that I felt the need to rush home and be there to help manage the emergency for our family! Hard to explain, but the feeling that drives you to leave is overwhelming and urgent.
I heard no warnings on the radio or the TV while at the bar.

Looking back at the night, it was a great time at my son's gig a d a very weird and surreal feeling from the time I arrived at the bar to listen to my friend's new punk rock band. My friend called me the next day and asked what happened to me?
I told him my story and he understood. He then asked me what I thought about his new band?

Here's where it get tricky...my impression of the band was not NOT GOOD! I don't want to hurt his feelings, but they were pretty darn bad. The drummer could not play in time and was banging on the cymbals constantly, rhythm guitarist had a cheap amp that pop and crackles and the original songs were poor.

What do you tell a friend when his band is God
awful?
 
Last edited:

Si G X

Friend of Leo's
Joined
Dec 8, 2019
Posts
2,638
Location
England
What did everyone else at the gig think, were they going down OK?

Unless he's asking for an honest critique then I wouldn't say anything other then 'yeah, it was alright.. looked like you were having fun' or something like that.
 

Flaneur

Poster Extraordinaire
Joined
May 24, 2010
Posts
6,065
Location
Scotland
-needs work?

-better than hiring rehearsal space.

-time to look for a drummer?

-don't give up the day job?

If your friend is a realist, he'll understand a little gentle ribbing. If he's looking for a cheerleader, I believe the Dallas Cowboys employ a whole troupe of them. :)
 

nickmsmith

Tele-Holic
Joined
Jun 5, 2016
Posts
833
Location
USA
I’d only give criticism if they ask for it.
It’s an artistic outlet for them, whether it sucks or not.

It’s good that they’re trying. It can lead to something good in the future.

Most of us have been in bands with subpar pieces. All learning experiences.
 

Deeve

Poster Extraordinaire
Silver Supporter
Joined
Dec 7, 2009
Posts
9,904
Location
Ballard
As a general rule, early gigs are gonna be shyte, but that's not necessarily a reason to despair. As suggested, wait until the feedback is actually requested, then provide it in the time honored sandwich method, praising their attractive neckties (or whatever was not awful), noting the tempo challenge, esp if it was hard to dance to (were people expected to dance?) and any equipment issues, then close the sandwich w/ encouragement that early gigs are learning opportunities.

I don't play out much, so I still have a lot of those learning opportunities whenever the guitar & mic leave the house.

It was an early gig - remember yours.
Peace - Deeve
 

Hamstein

Tele-Holic
Joined
Nov 17, 2013
Posts
547
Location
Northest Yorkshire
Try to find something you did like about the band and mention that, ( I admit this is sometimes very difficult ) -

Then go in to an in depth critique of everything else, down to the " third bass drum beat in the second song was particularly off " level, try and fit in some long and boring anecdotes about other dreadful bands you have had the misfortune to witness and compare them to the band in question, - that should get the point across! :D
 

Tommy Biggs

Friend of Leo's
Joined
Jun 17, 2010
Posts
3,057
Location
Northern NJ
Hold it back, let him know that you were only there briefly and didn’t get a great take. It sounds like you thought the drummer was maybe overplaying a bit, and throw the but it wasn’t really a fair take….
I wouldn’t say gadawful at any point in the conversation.
I’m more of an “encouraging word” guy than a brutal truth person. Especially since you only saw a bit of an early gig.
 

gimmeatele

Friend of Leo's
Joined
Jun 5, 2014
Posts
2,168
Age
62
Location
Alora Spain
My son's band had a show/gig on Friday night and afterward I left to see a friend's band play across town. I made it to the show ahead of schedule since they did not start until about 10:40 pm. Got to talk to my friend and several other friends that also made it to the show. Good times...hell, I was glad to be out with actual social interaction having a beer and chatting with people.

Anyway, the band is a new group of musicians that were only playing their 3rd gig. They are a punk rock band and they play half covers/originals. I stuck around for 5 songs before I had to depart. Left after 5 songs because I just felt I needed to get home for some reason. On the way home there were sirens going off on most of my route home (11 mile trip). Really strange weather pattern with really strong winds had triggered tornado warnings.
We got lucky and did not lose our power nor did we have any damage due to down trees. The sirens were going off until about 1:00 am! The family was safe and able to sleep at last.

Just weird that I felt the need to rush home and be there to help manage the emergency for our family! Hard to explain, but the feeling that drives you to leave is overwhelming and urgent.
I heard no warnings on the radio or the TV while at the bar.

Looking back at the night, it was a great time at my son's gig a d a very weird and surreal feeling from the time I arrived at the bar to listen to my friend's new punk rock band. My friend called me the next day and asked what happened to me?
I told him my story and he understood. He then asked me what I thought about his new band?

Here's where it get tricky...my impression of the band was not NOT GOOD! I don't want to hurt his feelings, but they were pretty darn bad. The drummer could not play in time and was banging on the cymbals constantly, rhythm guitarist had a cheap amp that pop and crackles and the original songs were poor.

What do you tell a friend when his band is God
awful?
Tell him they were very punk!
 

Bourbon Burst

Tele-Meister
Joined
Dec 9, 2021
Posts
244
Location
USA
My son's band had a show/gig on Friday night and afterward I left to see a friend's band play across town. I made it to the show ahead of schedule since they did not start until about 10:40 pm. Got to talk to my friend and several other friends that also made it to the show. Good times...hell, I was glad to be out with actual social interaction having a beer and chatting with people.

Anyway, the band is a new group of musicians that were only playing their 3rd gig. They are a punk rock band and they play half covers/originals. I stuck around for 5 songs before I had to depart. Left after 5 songs because I just felt I needed to get home for some reason. On the way home there were sirens going off on most of my route home (11 mile trip). Really strange weather pattern with really strong winds had triggered tornado warnings.
We got lucky and did not lose our power nor did we have any damage due to down trees. The sirens were going off until about 1:00 am! The family was safe and able to sleep at last.

Just weird that I felt the need to rush home and be there to help manage the emergency for our family! Hard to explain, but the feeling that drives you to leave is overwhelming and urgent.
I heard no warnings on the radio or the TV while at the bar.

Looking back at the night, it was a great time at my son's gig a d a very weird and surreal feeling from the time I arrived at the bar to listen to my friend's new punk rock band. My friend called me the next day and asked what happened to me?
I told him my story and he understood. He then asked me what I thought about his new band?

Here's where it get tricky...my impression of the band was not NOT GOOD! I don't want to hurt his feelings, but they were pretty darn bad. The drummer could not play in time and was banging on the cymbals constantly, rhythm guitarist had a cheap amp that pop and crackles and the original songs were poor.

What do you tell a friend when his band is God
awful?
So what did you say when he asked?
 

Dismalhead

Poster Extraordinaire
Joined
Feb 16, 2014
Posts
9,243
Age
59
Location
Antelope, California
I've been jamming with my old friends from the '80s lately just for fun. We have a guy on a drum set who can't play a beat and one of my friends can't hear well anymore so he's twice as loud as the rest of us. It's just awful noise. Whenever we finish one and one of them goes "that was great" or something like that, I just say it was lots of fun.
 

Bourbon Burst

Tele-Meister
Joined
Dec 9, 2021
Posts
244
Location
USA
I used to have a group of friends (none of them musicians) come see my band. The first time they were impressed of me just because they didn't even know I played guitar (wasn't serious until that band). After that they would tell me if a song didn't sound good or whatever. After one show On they told me I wasn't playing a part right on a song and even played that part of the song from their CD to show me. Lol. It didn't bother me at all. Some people came out and didn't really say anything so I figured they didn't think much. A friend of the drummer recorded us playing and I have some VHS tapes (it was long time ago) of us. We definitely could have been better. The drummer and singer were good, the other guitar player was OK but had a cheap solid state Crate that sounded tinny. The bass player and I were the rookies. We had two different bass players and one was definitely better than the other. The singer and I did a short set with him singing and me on acoustic. I was always nervous and so I played fast.

In the end it was fun. I kind of feel bad for the people that paid cover to get in. We didn't practice enough for my liking and I think it showed. If we played back to back at a bar, we were so much better and tighter on the second night.
 

Milspec

Poster Extraordinaire
Silver Supporter
Joined
Feb 15, 2016
Posts
7,196
Location
Nebraska
Very few people want honesty and since it was just their 3rd gig, all that really matters is did they have a good time and did the audience? More than likely, they already know their faults and will be working those things out with experience.
 




Top