WHAT A KLUTZ: I SERIOUSLY ASSAULTED MYSELF.

Preacher

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Well I laughed at you as well, but not at you, but with you as we could be brothers!

It is kind of like the force in Star Wars. You know how Luke says, "the force is strong in my family"? Well in my family the "klutz" is way strong.
 

Texicaster

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Dang!

I saw this before I put my glasses on and it looked like you wrote "I Sexually Assaulted Myself"

Luckily glasses were at hand before I had a chance to imagine what that meant!
 

scottser

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as your doctor*, i wouldn't recommend anything more strenuous than sticking some tunes on and getting a beer from the fridge.



*not a real doctor
 

Kandinskyesque

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as your doctor*, i wouldn't recommend anything more strenuous than sticking some tunes on and getting a beer from the fridge.



*not a real doctor
Oh no not the beer.
I've not had on of them in a decade.

There would be SWAT teams, earthquakes and environmental carnage just at the point of me reaching the fridge door but enough said about the wife's reaction.
 

String Tree

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I achieved 7th Dan level of disabling myself a couple of hours ago and my eyes are still watering.

I had been soaking the old Redwing Riggers in boot polish for a few days and gave them a good shining this evening in anticipation of some work in the garden this summer (we have a whole 2 weeks of summer here).

After shining the boots up to a 'parade gloss' I stuck them under my left arm, e-cig in right hand and proceeded to go upstairs to the man cave.

Somehow I managed to miss the first tread on the stairs, fell forward as one of the boots slipped from under my arm. I must have tried to catch the boot with my right hand forgetting I was holding the e-cig and with the falling forward momentum managed to launch the boot toe cap first right into the family jewels, protected only by a thin layer of sweatpant.
The other boot fell and landed on my left toes and I was wearing open toed Jesus boots.

I made a noise I've never heard before. In fact I thought that my hearing didn't register sounds above 20 KHz.

I'm now wondering whether I should do any garden work at all this year, I suspect there's a rake out there just waiting for me to step on.
That'll learn ya, Gardening isn't for Wimps.
NOPE!!!
 

mtglick

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Hope everything, umm, heals.

Reminds me a little of how I ended up with a little more than 300 stitches in my head--was leaving work, had to carry a part of an exhaust system and an old, rusty aerosol can I was throwing away out with a giant stack of loose paper reports to work on that night. Two trips seemed WAY too hard for trash. So I wedged the aerosol can into the exhaust piece, put it all on top of the paper, and headed for the door, only to catch my kn eeon my desk. Exhaust part with aerosol can tumbled off of the paper pile, and hit just right on the ground, popping off the bottom of the can as I leaned over the paper to see where it ended up. Came back up at me like a bottle rocket, and the exhaust piece hole-punched a half-circle in my forehead. Cut the nerve, so it didn't really hurt until later, but did you know that if you drag your fingertip over your own skull, you can make it squeak a little? Different kind of noise I never expected to make.
 

Kandinskyesque

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Dang!

I saw this before I put my glasses on and it looked like you wrote "I Sexually Assaulted Myself"

Luckily glasses were at hand before I had a chance to imagine what that meant!
I suppose your pre-spectacled assessment was partially true.

Usually I would consent to Mr Righty or sometimes Mr Lefty (or sometimes Mrs K) to polish the family silverware or perhaps indulge in a game of pocket billiards.

I wasn't expecting, consenting to nor inviting myself to kick down the door of the vault to the family treasure and have a rummage.
 

Wrighty

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I achieved 7th Dan level of disabling myself a couple of hours ago and my eyes are still watering.

I had been soaking the old Redwing Riggers in boot polish for a few days and gave them a good shining this evening in anticipation of some work in the garden this summer (we have a whole 2 weeks of summer here).

After shining the boots up to a 'parade gloss' I stuck them under my left arm, e-cig in right hand and proceeded to go upstairs to the man cave.

Somehow I managed to miss the first tread on the stairs, fell forward as one of the boots slipped from under my arm. I must have tried to catch the boot with my right hand forgetting I was holding the e-cig and with the falling forward momentum managed to launch the boot toe cap first right into the family jewels, protected only by a thin layer of sweatpant.
The other boot fell and landed on my left toes and I was wearing open toed Jesus boots.

I made a noise I've never heard before. In fact I thought that my hearing didn't register sounds above 20 KHz.

I'm now wondering whether I should do any garden work at all this year, I suspect there's a rake out there just waiting for me to step on.
I have a vision which is both unsettling, (sandals, sweat pants and cigarette stub) and hilarious all at once. Sympathy, yes, but happy in the knowledge that Im not the only who suffers for their stupidity! Did you have that brief thought this might not be a goin idea seconds before you proved the point?
 

haggardfan1

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First of all, I also apologize for laughing. It was at your description of the incident, not the fact that it occurred. Hope everything falls back into place very soon.

I've had quite a few what I call DRI: Dog Related Injuries. These range from a finger injury, when my Lab pulled my hand into the door frame; to being yanked completely off my feet on three scary occasions.
Nothing recent, but your story brought back some memories.
 
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pixeljammer

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Hope everything, umm, heals.

Reminds me a little of how I ended up with a little more than 300 stitches in my head--was leaving work, had to carry a part of an exhaust system and an old, rusty aerosol can I was throwing away out with a giant stack of loose paper reports to work on that night. Two trips seemed WAY too hard for trash. So I wedged the aerosol can into the exhaust piece, put it all on top of the paper, and headed for the door, only to catch my kn eeon my desk. Exhaust part with aerosol can tumbled off of the paper pile, and hit just right on the ground, popping off the bottom of the can as I leaned over the paper to see where it ended up. Came back up at me like a bottle rocket, and the exhaust piece hole-punched a half-circle in my forehead. Cut the nerve, so it didn't really hurt until later, but did you know that if you drag your fingertip over your own skull, you can make it squeak a little? Different kind of noise I never expected to make.
Reminds me of the time I stuck a lightbulb-changer suction cup onto my forehead. When i was through being a unicorn, I just ripped it off. No "releasing the vacuum" for me
I had a circular every-single-person-asks-about-it blue to multicolor bruise for a month.
Extra dumb.
My mother kept the polaroid on her desk for years.
 

arlum

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Thank you for being real about your mishap. With a little work you could turn that into a nice comedy routine. Benny Hill would be proud.
 

39martind18

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Spring TX
I achieved 7th Dan level of disabling myself a couple of hours ago and my eyes are still watering.

I had been soaking the old Redwing Riggers in boot polish for a few days and gave them a good shining this evening in anticipation of some work in the garden this summer (we have a whole 2 weeks of summer here).

After shining the boots up to a 'parade gloss' I stuck them under my left arm, e-cig in right hand and proceeded to go upstairs to the man cave.

Somehow I managed to miss the first tread on the stairs, fell forward as one of the boots slipped from under my arm. I must have tried to catch the boot with my right hand forgetting I was holding the e-cig and with the falling forward momentum managed to launch the boot toe cap first right into the family jewels, protected only by a thin layer of sweatpant.
The other boot fell and landed on my left toes and I was wearing open toed Jesus boots.

I made a noise I've never heard before. In fact I thought that my hearing didn't register sounds above 20 KHz.

I'm now wondering whether I should do any garden work at all this year, I suspect there's a rake out there just waiting for me to step on.
OUCH! Don't feel all alone - I cut my butt cheek while shaving! I wasn't shaving my patootie, just my neck. I shave in the shower, and hold my Gillette Good News shaver down at my side or back to let the water stream rinse the razor. I felt a patch I'd missed, moved the razor to bring it up to shave the errant patch and accidentally dragged it across the lower cheek, resulting in a 4.5 inch cut/scratch. It wasn't deep, but I had to sit weird for about a week, and as it heals, it's been itching like a mofo. Unlike @Fendereedo, I can't show pics of my injury!
 
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