Was asked to join a band

Doomguy

Tele-Holic
Joined
Apr 17, 2019
Posts
550
Age
22
Location
New Jersey
My former music teacher/ friend asked me to join his band after his rhythm guitarist quit and I'm feeling conflicted about the whole thing. I'm going to list some pros/cons, kind of looking for more experienced people to give me their opinions.

Pros:
They want me to be heavily involved in the songwriting process, I bring different influences that they don't have
Very professional attitude about rehearsing/practicing, keeping sharp, they take sounding good very seriously
I will naturally practice more and become a better guitarist for doing this
Willing to meet me half way when it comes to meeting for rehearsals (I left the area a few months ago and live about an hour/hour and a half away)

Cons:
I'm not sure I'm up to the skill level they're looking for
I am largely uninterested in the style of music they are trying to play these days (spacey, technical death metal)
I will be investing a lot of time practicing/rehearsing things I don't really care about
I live far away and travel will be a pain (I do not have a car at the moment)
I am expected to financially contribute to help the band. I have things like student loans to worry about and am still looking for a job after graduating college last month

It's also pertinent to mention that I'm much younger then everyone else. I turn 22 next month and the next youngest member is 28. They are in different stages of their lives then I am. I'm very humbled and grateful that I'm even being considered for this gig but I'm personally leaning towards giving them a soft no when we talk more later? I was very excited earlier but I think it was more about playing music with people then actually being in this band. I haven't met anyone doing music I'm interested in down here and instantly got excited when I heard that people even wanted to play with me.

Thoughts? Am I out of my mind here?
 

jays0n

Friend of Leo's
Joined
Jan 11, 2009
Posts
2,151
Location
San Francisco, CA
Hmmm even so, it might be a good experience. You are young and it is not like this is your last band. You will learn some things, and I don’t mean just how to be more death metal but about playing live etc. And ya never know. You might find a great scene with fun/interesting people and enjoy it.

The only real negative I see is the part where they want you to contribute financially. Hmmm this is iffy.

Either way, you are young. Don’t stress about it too much, no matter what you decide.
 

unixfish

Doctor of Teleocity
Silver Supporter
Joined
Apr 20, 2013
Posts
16,310
Location
Northeast Ohio, USA
No - it sounds like you summed thing up well.

If you are a "hired gun" player, then sometimes you will sit in with a band doing music you don't "like". That is easy for a small number of gigs.

Joining a band to play music you are not interested is another thing. Yes, your playing will improve. It's good for all of us to step outside our comfort zone. However, I think they are asking you to "change your comfort zone". If you are not interested in the music they play, how long will it be before you start regretting it? Or will you?

I would not join a band to play country. It's not my thing. I would, however, go to a rehearsal or two, or jam with country player, just for the experience / get out of my comfort zone, as long as they were cool knowing I would not go forward. But I still will not be playing country for fun.

Does that make any sense?
 

doof

Tele-Holic
Joined
Mar 27, 2011
Posts
671
Location
Alberta, Canada
I was in a similar situation a while back, playing in a band with great friends, but I really wasn't excited about the music. I stuck it out for a couple years (it was a fairly low-effort commitment), but in the end I started to really dread going to practice. When it came time for us to part ways, the guys were all awesome about it and we're still great friends. You might feel bad about telling them no, but just think of it as helping them find a dedicated, permanent guitarist.
 

KokoTele

Doctor of Teleocity
Vendor Member
Joined
Mar 17, 2003
Posts
14,798
Age
47
Location
albany, ny [not chicago]
What are your musical goals? If you want to start playing in bands and gigging regularly, you gotta start playing in bands and gigging regularly. This opportunity could be a means to that end, despite the cons.

Finding musical opportunities is mostly about networking, and in order to do that you gotta be out there playing and meeting people. Social media and craigslist doesn't really cut it.

If you don't want to be part of that scene, pass on this. It'll be too much work for a project you're not really interested in.
 

Doomguy

Tele-Holic
Joined
Apr 17, 2019
Posts
550
Age
22
Location
New Jersey
Do you do it for the music or for the money?

The cons outweigh the pros, I'd pass in your situation.
I do it for the music. This is death metal, odds are we don't make money off this at all.

Don't get me wrong, I love death metal. Just not the kind they're going for. My true dream is to be involved in a funeral doom/atmospheric/depressive black metal type of project. Almost the complete opposite of what these guys are going for. They want to play fast, complex music and I want to write things that are more about the vibes/feelings more then anything else.
 

Buzzgrowl

Tele-Holic
Joined
Oct 3, 2017
Posts
590
Age
59
Location
Switzerland
Do you have a day job? Are you in college?

If you have the time, the experience can be intersting and can inform your future musical and life decisions. You will alsi meet lots of interesting people.

Making decisions with prejudgements such as "not my thing" or "I don't like xyz" as a key factor is limiting in many ways.

Go for the experience. You are only 21 ffs. Average age on tdpri is 83 1/4. Keep that in mind when reading advice.

You can always quit. But have a ball first 😁
 

fendrguitplayr

Doctor of Teleocity
Silver Supporter
Joined
Oct 11, 2006
Posts
19,925
Age
70
Location
New England
I do it for the music. This is death metal, odds are we don't make money off this at all.

Don't get me wrong, I love death metal. Just not the kind they're going for. My true dream is to be involved in a funeral doom/atmospheric/depressive black metal type of project. Almost the complete opposite of what these guys are going for. They want to play fast, complex music and I want to write things that are more about the vibes/feelings more then anything else.
Pass
 

JohnnyThul

Tele-Meister
Joined
Nov 18, 2021
Posts
360
Age
39
Location
Germany
Personally I'd decline. I woukd not want to play in a band, when I do not love the music they play.

But, regarding the age issue: I have been playing in band's since I was 14, and in all of them,I was the youngest member. Sometimes the difference was 30 years. But age doesn't matter in my opinion, it's the people, whether they are committed, able and socially compatible. That is not determined by age.
 

chulaivet1966

Friend of Leo's
Joined
Nov 17, 2011
Posts
2,183
Location
The Heartland.....Kansas
1) I'm not sure I'm up to the skill level they're looking for
2) I am largely uninterested in the style of music they are trying to play these days (spacey, technical death metal)
Thoughts? Am I out of my mind here?
Howdy Doomguy....

I agree with consensus here.
Looking at the big picture the (2) cons are the biggies from my perspective.
In fact, #2 would be the only reason I'd need to pass on this one.
No amount of 'pros' would make my reasoning any different.

I'd respond with a respectful 'no, thank you for asking'.
In your shoes I'd place all my energy into gainful employment relating your college major.

Good luck with your decision....let us know.

Carry on...,.
 

String Tree

Doctor of Teleocity
Joined
Dec 8, 2010
Posts
18,217
Location
Up North
My former music teacher/ friend asked me to join his band after his rhythm guitarist quit and I'm feeling conflicted about the whole thing. I'm going to list some pros/cons, kind of looking for more experienced people to give me their opinions.

Pros:
They want me to be heavily involved in the songwriting process, I bring different influences that they don't have
Very professional attitude about rehearsing/practicing, keeping sharp, they take sounding good very seriously
I will naturally practice more and become a better guitarist for doing this
Willing to meet me half way when it comes to meeting for rehearsals (I left the area a few months ago and live about an hour/hour and a half away)

Cons:
I'm not sure I'm up to the skill level they're looking for
I am largely uninterested in the style of music they are trying to play these days (spacey, technical death metal)
I will be investing a lot of time practicing/rehearsing things I don't really care about
I live far away and travel will be a pain (I do not have a car at the moment)
I am expected to financially contribute to help the band. I have things like student loans to worry about and am still looking for a job after graduating college last month

It's also pertinent to mention that I'm much younger then everyone else. I turn 22 next month and the next youngest member is 28. They are in different stages of their lives then I am. I'm very humbled and grateful that I'm even being considered for this gig but I'm personally leaning towards giving them a soft no when we talk more later? I was very excited earlier but I think it was more about playing music with people then actually being in this band. I haven't met anyone doing music I'm interested in down here and instantly got excited when I heard that people even wanted to play with me.

Thoughts? Am I out of my mind here?
Tough call.
1) Transportation. Have to have it. Being dependent on others is a Drag. Add in the fact that Location is a Burden.
2) You aren't in to the Genre. Faking it can be Hell. Cant just walk out of a practice when you don't have your own Ride.
3) Contributing Money you don't have to help the Band. That is a HUGE Red Flag to me. This is where things can Spin out of control. They chose the name, you help pay for Studio Time, production Costs, Promotion, Band Swag ... Then one day, you aren't in the Band or/and You never get any money back from the sales.
Speaking of Sales, how will YOU be protected by Copyrights and Grand Master Publishing Rights.

These are Hard questions.
You simply Must look out for yourself.

When I was your age (and older) I went through most all of that.
I still have burn marks on my Butt.

Best of Luck
~ST
 

Daddy Dom

TDPRI Member
Joined
Jan 24, 2020
Posts
69
Location
NZ
All things considered I would say it's a tough call.
Despite not loving the music, you will be learning stuff for when you have your own projects.
I teach kids that if their band plays 15 songs, they prolly aren't going to love everything but they'll still be learning from stuff they don't like.
A younger guy in an older band is a recipe for fast-track learning. I did it and there's nothing to compare, as long as they're serious.
I play in a band where I love the songs but didn't write them, we're putting out an album and I have not financially contributed but I wanted to all along the way so I can feel some equality and take the bad with the good. So that's not always a bad situation.

In my opinion, no car is probably why you can't do this. Everything else sounds like fast-track learning and upskilling.
 




Top