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to marry or not to marry

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by omlove, Jun 6, 2019.

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  1. Steve 78

    Steve 78 Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    Marriage is supposed to be a life long commitment (I know it's easier to get out it these days than in the past but even so....)

    So firstly, there's no hurry. If you are going to be together for life, what difference is waiting a few years?

    Can you picture yourself with her in 40 years time? Does that thought bring a smile to your face? Both of you will change and so will your relationship. I guess it's impossible to predict how that will work out but if you both love each other and are willing to put in the work to keep the relationship strong then that's a good start.

    I've been married 10 years and been together 16 years and so far have no regrets. Marriage didn't change a thing for me. Not one thing. We knew we wanted to stay together. Marriage was just us telling other people how we felt.

    Now kids, that's a whole different ballgame. That will change everything and is not something to take lightly.
     
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  2. Muddslide

    Muddslide Friend of Leo's

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    Yes. Again, cannot stress this enough.

    I love kids, but they are THE biggest commitment of emotion, time, money and every other part of you that you will ever, ever undertake.
     
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  3. esseff

    esseff Tele-Afflicted

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    Raw oysters - some folk love them and other folk get sick. You never know how they'll turn out unless you eat them first.
    (as Chance The Gardener might have said...) :D
     
  4. raysachs

    raysachs Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    Of course not - just drawing a distinction between "any reasonably attractive woman" and a "best friend". I guess at that age or any, but I met my wife in my early 20s - I guess I was 23, almost 24.
     
  5. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Biggest payoff, too. IMO and IME
     
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  6. DavidP

    DavidP Friend of Leo's

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    Yes, and this will continue long after they've left the nest, if not the duration of your lifetime. Not that this is a bad thing, but just sayin' to be prepared for the long haul...
     
  7. kwcsports

    kwcsports Tele-Meister

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    This 1000% ^^^^^^
     
  8. RodeoTex

    RodeoTex Doctor of Teleocity

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    Well today is the 13th anniversary of 6-6-6.
    The day my divorce was final.
    It really was 'D' day for me.
    - no kidding, it really is.
     
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2019
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  9. ndcaster

    ndcaster Poster Extraordinaire

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    yep, your whole outlook on life changes the moment your wife says you're expecting a child

    it's even better in memory, because this little person you know now was the same little person then

    and you? you stop being a hobby and become a public project

    not that we ever stop loving our hobbies...
     
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  10. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    When my first son looked into my eyes seconds after being born.... I saw into eternity for a moment
     
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  11. chulaivet1966

    chulaivet1966 Tele-Afflicted

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    Hmmmm....no....I don't think so.

    Generally speaking....
    It's a lifestyle philosophy adopted by clear thinking males in a contemporary western feminist culture.
    Those that have done a quite simple risk/benifit assessment of entering into matrimony, knowing divorce stats and the current court system dynamics and likely outcomes.
    It's not the 50's anymore and contemporary women have abandoned the traditional roles that make a marriage successful and thrive from the traditional male's point of view. Especially if he's looking for a wife to raise children with for the long haul.
    So...men should not have to behave 'traditionally' anymore either.
    All aspects considered and I'm sorry to say, a large and growing demographic of men no longer trust the western female in the long haul.

    Oh...this is coming from a married man (I'm 72 - she's 60) to a traditional Filipina who knows her role in our 34 year relationship as I know mine.
    We have no kids...she agreed to my imperative.
    One who's never felt oppressed by some evil patriarchy, quite feminine, not obese, never combative, assertive when necessary and still welcomes my desire for intimacy.

    Obviously, I don't have a dog in this fight....but, I do have some perspective from what I've seen.

    To each their own I always say.

    Carry on....
     
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2019
  12. Guitarzan

    Guitarzan Poster Extraordinaire

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    You do not know each other yet. It takes a good 2 years and a number of tests to really get to know someone. The divorce rate is over 50% in the US, but it is lower for people in certain circumstances, such as couples in which both are relatively well educated, they have known each other for more time, they are relatively older (25 plus). You may want to read up on those criteria.

    There is no formula for sure; we've all known those couples that shoulda made it and did not and those that should not make it according to conventional wisdom but did.

    If you get married, insist on a pre-nuptial agreement even if you don't have a lot of assets between you. At a minimum, you can have an arbitration agreement between you for the divorce proceedings and custody and an arbiter's recommendation at minimum on child support (a court will ultimately have to decide it according to state law and formulas but can consider an arbitrator's recommendations), a waiver of alimony, and a division of assets and debts set in stone.

    Many if not most women are bad with money and are spenders, and forcing her to walk with her own debts (and letting her keep what she spent the money on) is alone worth cost of a pre-nup. An agreement that each party pays his/her own fees and costs is gold. Then being able to keep her reigned in on custody, changes of custody, waiver of alimony, etc. are the cherries on top. The cost of the post-divorce proceedings through motions filed in court and the hearings thereon (adjustments to alimony, child support, fighting over visitation, etc.) can easily cost more than a pre-nup. Requiring that to be arbitrated through a one person arbitration with domestic experience and making each party bear his or own fees is good protection for a man.

    The advice above is the best free advice you will get on the legalities of marriage before you wade in.
     
  13. Geoff738

    Geoff738 Poster Extraordinaire

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    Put it this way. I’d never do it again under any circumstances.

    But that is not to say you shouldn’t.

    Cheers,
    Geoff
     
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  14. Guitarzan

    Guitarzan Poster Extraordinaire

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    You are in Canada, most of the people in this forum are not. Your experiences are not universal and not highly applicable in the US. Men rarely come out ahead in the US unless they marry a woman with a lot more money or she gets really rich during the marriage. Then men get screwed on custody and having to pay attorneys' fees for both sides if there are kids involved.
     
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  15. archetype

    archetype Fiend of Leo's

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    If you're not sure about marriage, you're not sure of yourself.

    Don't get married until you're sure of yourself. If not getting married is going to break the heart of someone who loves you, then it's time to figure yourself out for real and then marry that person. Explain what you're going through, what you plan to do, and ask for her help in doing it.
     
  16. esseff

    esseff Tele-Afflicted

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    Same here... I'll never forget that connection; it was the most emotional experience of my life, without a doubt. I only exist in name to him now as his mother and I broke up two years later and she took the kids back to Southern Africa with her. He's almost 18 now and I've missed what should have been his formative years (and mine to a certain extent). He'd have been a Tele player too.
     
  17. Nubs

    Nubs Friend of Leo's

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    I'll throw in my $.02

    I'm 44, no kids and have never been married. My neighbor works at a divorce law firm and we speak often. After hearing some of her stories, I am certain I have made the right choice. Consider these:

    1. The divorce rate in this country is way over 50% these days. I would call it closer to 75-80%. It doesn't mean you shouldn't try, but the odds aren't in your favor.
    2. Divorces are EXPENSIVE. I mean CRAZY EXPENSIVE. At my neighbor's law firm, you need $10k for them to even say hello to you. Then you need to pay out the @$$ for their services for doc prep, court fees, etc.
    3. Lose half - I'm not sure about NY, but here in TX if you get divorced, you lose half of your stuff no exception.
    4. Again, I haven't been there, but a divorce will take its toll on your health, psychology, and lifestyle.
    I'm sure there are others, but I think you get the point. Please don't misunderstand me, I would love to find the one and I love to see others happy in love too. But in today's world, you better make DAMN sure it's right.

    Hope that helps. Good luck!
     
  18. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

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    So true! Candid shot of @kelnet:


    [​IMG]
     
  19. Chunkocaster

    Chunkocaster Poster Extraordinaire

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    [​IMG]
     
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  20. Owenmoney

    Owenmoney Tele-Afflicted

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    Don’t let anybody , ANYBODY, push you into this unless they’re gonna paycall the divorce and child support when it falls apart !


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
     
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