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to marry or not to marry

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by omlove, Jun 6, 2019.

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  1. 24 track

    24 track Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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  2. guitartwonk

    guitartwonk Tele-Holic

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    True. If you're not prepared to put effort into it, don't do it.

    With all the talk of work and divorce stories, I bet the OP is now s***-scared of marriage!

    But seriously, this thread must have some of the best advice and insight I've ever seen online on any subject.


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  3. Owenmoney

    Owenmoney Tele-Afflicted

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    They’ve been leading men astray since EVE


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  4. omlove

    omlove Tele-Meister

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    my parents are pushing too - because marriage, kids, grand kids is the "norm" in their mind. they don't think otherwise.
     
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  5. Owenmoney

    Owenmoney Tele-Afflicted

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    Or they think they do !


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  6. kelnet

    kelnet Telefied Ad Free Member

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    He means sex and occasional dinner partner.
     
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  7. Manual Slim

    Manual Slim Friend of Leo's

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    Heh. That story didn’t show up for a looooong time. Surely men were led astray before that!
     
  8. Owenmoney

    Owenmoney Tele-Afflicted

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    So put a pea under the mattress !


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  9. richiek65

    richiek65 Friend of Leo's

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    The next time I think I might want to get married, I'm just gonna find someone I don't like and buy them a house..

    Just joking, married for 18 years, love my wife and kids to death, but it takes work.

    I heard a quote years ago:
    "Choose wisely the person you marry, for they will give you 90 percent of the pleasure in your life, and 90 percent of the pain"
     
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  10. Mark the Moose

    Mark the Moose Tele-Afflicted

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    I can’t say if you should get married or not, to this particular girl or not, now or in a few years...here’s what I do know...

    Make sure you share the same values in life, those things that are most important.

    Make sure you understand your commitment to the marriage, not just the wife, and that she shares that value. You will make mistakes and fall short, but if you are first committed to the marriage then you’re more likely to endure.

    Make sure you are willing to be selfless for her well being, it’s not a 50/50 gig.

    A wise friend told me a good husband goes out of his way to be sure that when she puts her head on her pillow at night, not one wrinkle or gray hair is because of him.
     
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  11. Commodore 64

    Commodore 64 Friend of Leo's

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    Just finalized my dissolution 2 weeks ago after 19.5 years of marriage.

    I don't regret the marriage. I'd do it again if I was with someone who I wanted to marry (and she felt the same way).
     
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  12. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Because women are smart enough to let them think that. That is changing, though...
     
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  13. Manual Slim

    Manual Slim Friend of Leo's

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    If you aren’t deepening her wrinkles then you might need better material.
     
  14. Mike Eskimo

    Mike Eskimo Telefied Ad Free Member

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    The OP and his girl are at the ages that I wish would become law in this country as minimum for getting married : 34 for men and 27 for women.


    Lotsa societal/financial/various other troubles would be eliminated if those age restrictions were in place.
     
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  15. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Doctor of Teleocity

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    The fact you are asking might be a sign of doubt... but only you can know that. It might just be the stupid cost of a ring. WTF does that matter?

    Do you love her? Is she your best friend? Is she amazing? Can you imagine NOT being with her?

    If all that... Keep talking honestly and openly to her.... it’s a relatively big leap for both of you with the really big stuff to follow. If all you want to talk about is what crazy adventures you want to get up to and what you want to do when you are 80 and retired and destitute together, you will probably be OK.

    If it all works out, the upside is REALLY great. Having your own family, building a safe home for them and having great adventures with your kids as you watch them grow, makes anything else life might offer you, seem pretty shallow and disappointing in comparison.

    Know though from the outset, that kids will very likely change her and that at 27, her clock is ticking, so it’s not really a question of you getting what you want out of it now, it’s about being fully ready and prepared to commit to do whatever she needs you to do next and not messing her about. It is really a man’s job from this point.. Taxi driver, talk therapist, labourer, handyman.

    No shame in being scared a little but it’s actually all a bit of breeze if you already feel you are a team. My wife and I were inseparable from the day we met. We picked a cheap £75 vintage ring together about four years later and I played in all three bands at our dirt cheap wedding and we camped in a wet field on our honeymoon.. still best friends after 30 years. I can hear my daughter chatting to her from University now online... the kids are now her life, not me, and I am just happy I’ve made that all good for her. I will take her a cup of tea in a minute that she has not asked for.

    I’d just dump the idea of an expensive, fancy trinket ring straight off the bat and tell her you’d prefer her to save for your future together. If she thinks that is romantic and thoughtful, you’ve probably got a good one.
     
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  16. bender66

    bender66 Poster Extraordinaire

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    Oh man...

    The fact that you felt the need to start a thread shows your reservations. No one should offer you encouragement given what you've stated.

    We're all reading into your post with our own experiences. I 2nd the suggestion to live with someone as long as possible before taking that step. I like the 10 yr mark. You don't know someone until you put that kind of time in with them.

    Are her expectations & yours the same?
     
  17. Owenmoney

    Owenmoney Tele-Afflicted

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    Put a dollar in a jar every time you have sex before marriage, you’ll have a full jar
    After marriage take a dollar out every time you have sex, you’ll still have a full jar !

    Doesn’t a
    Ways work like this, but it can !


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  18. Owenmoney

    Owenmoney Tele-Afflicted

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    Don’t do it !


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  19. stephent2

    stephent2 Poster Extraordinaire

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    Do you love her, can't live without her and want to live a longer life? Then get married.

    If not, don't.
     
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  20. omlove

    omlove Tele-Meister

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    no need to bet, i, the OP, AM s***-scared!

    but seriously, that's why i love this place!
     
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