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to marry or not to marry

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by omlove, Jun 6, 2019.

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  1. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Regarding your "facts", I and many others reject your "support". It is simple spin meant to bring about belief in a fundamental lie
     
  2. beyer160

    beyer160 Friend of Leo's

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    My wife likes to play tennis. Sometimes she hits a ball against a brick wall for a while- it's good exercise, helps her work on her form, but you have to understand that a brick wall isn't actually playing- no matter how good you're serving it just deflects the ball back at you no matter what with no thought whatsoever. Some people are like that. Sometimes I engage them for my own amusement, sometimes I just chuckle and go on with my day. Sometimes you feel like kicking a turd, sometimes you don't.
     
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  3. Chunkocaster

    Chunkocaster Poster Extraordinaire

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    This may help in determining if a potential partner is sincere or not or at least when they are good to go.

     
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  4. TelePunkJCM

    TelePunkJCM Tele-Meister

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    Every aspect of life involves risk. Every one.
     
  5. jondanger

    jondanger Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

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    Possible exception of posting anonymously on the internet.
     
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  6. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Some considerably more than others. I'd rank marriage in that category.
     
  7. TelePunkJCM

    TelePunkJCM Tele-Meister

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    I'm sure it's devastating to learn that you have been lied to, and that your life has been a lie for some time. And I'm not saying that in a patronizing way.

    But writing off half the world and an institution may not be the best approach.

    I do wish you well.
     
  8. Mike SS

    Mike SS Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

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    Twenty five pages, more than 500 responses, possibly destined for "Epic Threads", or being locked by the "Mod Squad". YEAHHHHHH!:lol:

    If the right person goes through this mess, a great blues song exists in here. Can you find it:twisted:
     
  9. beyer160

    beyer160 Friend of Leo's

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    There's risk in that, too.

    I enjoy BS-ing here and talking gear, but it really does kinda warp your perception of reality if you do it too much or take it too seriously. How many people get convinced that the specific alloy makeup of their volume knob is critically important to their tone because they read threads about it online? It's funny when you're talking about tonequesting guitarists but when you consider much more serious matters including violent extremism, you begin to see the problem.
     
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  10. ndcaster

    ndcaster Poster Extraordinaire

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    people change, sometimes not for the good

    there are a million decision points and interactions along the way, some of which you can affect, some you can't

    people also have long and complicated histories which can flare up in unexpected ways

    and people get burned

    I think torch is right: sometimes a lot of meeting the good spouse comes down to good fortune

    but sometimes a lot of having a good marriage comes down to *making* it a good marriage

    at a certain point, it's like working on an old car together

    if that strikes you both as too mundane, save yourselves the trouble and hold on loosely

    good luck out there

    signed,
    captain obvious
     
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  11. bazmusicman

    bazmusicman Tele-Meister

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    My Wife has a 'mood ring'. When she is happy it shows a nice bright green colour, when she is angry it leaves a big red mark on my forehead!
     
  12. harriswho

    harriswho TDPRI Member

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    Marriage is the price men have to pay in order to have sex, and sex is the price women have to pay in order to have marriage.
     
  13. TelePunkJCM

    TelePunkJCM Tele-Meister

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    I probably should not have joined this forum or stumbled into the non-guitar topics.
     
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  14. Chunkocaster

    Chunkocaster Poster Extraordinaire

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    Some people get married and live their whole lives with one partner without any real issues. That's rare these days. Most still need to be in a relationship and spend very few of their years single. I've spent about equal portions of my adult life being in relationships of at least a year or 6 and being single for many years at a time between them. A lot of people have no idea of how to be single. Life is a lot more simple when you are single but in my experience when you are at your peak of happiness being single a girl will come along that won't take no for an answer.

    Most of my relationships have been quite different from one to the next and none of them were exempt from the others input or lack of input. All relationships are a gamble imo.
    If I had been in one or two long term relationships for my whole life I could only offer the limited experience I had gained from those relationships and what I had observed in others.
    There is no way to guarantee your future when in a relationship because your partners needs and wants could change at any time and that would be beyond your control regardless of how much effort you put into it.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2019
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  15. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    And, once again, that takes two
     
  16. Lobomov

    Lobomov Friend of Leo's

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    Gotta admit .. This topic set the internet aflame :D
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2019
  17. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    The only formal lesson I ever had on the five string banjo, (No he didn't teach me how to smash it) I encountered a really strange guy at the shop where I went. He was terribly upset, and railing against the proprietor because the tech who had worked on his banjo had wiped the dust from inside the banjo, I mean, the back of the head, the tone ring, he just cleaned it all out. NOW THE BANJO WILL NEVER SOUND THE SAME!!! The guy kept shouting.
     
  18. raysachs

    raysachs Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    Pretty important point - I don't think you can ever really be happy in a long term partnership until you can be happy single. I was really kind of looking for a partner for a few years, had a few, none of them lasted because at some point one of us realized we couldn't stand being around the other person that much. After a couple of those where I fell overwhelmingly in lust and managed to convince myself it was more than that until it became painfully obvious it wasn't, I realized I'd waaaaay rather be on my own than stuck with someone like that. And then I spent a couple of years totally single, a few short term lustful hookups, but nothing that I ever fooled myself into thinking was more than that. And I was fine with the idea of STAYING that way, possibly for the long haul. And then I stumbled upon my wife, and it was totally different. And after a couple of months, instead of realizing I couldn't stand being with this woman anymore, I realized I couldn't stand NOT being with her. But I had to get way past looking for a partner before I could luck into the right one.

    As for how much of a role luck plays, I don't know. I'm sure it's partly luck and I'm equally sure it's not all luck. I wouldn't even try to put a percentage on it. I know I've been very very lucky, but I also know I had some instinct that got me the hell AWAY from some women that didn't feel right after a fairly short time. And by the time my wife and I got together and decided to spend our lives together, I knew we were deeply committed to each other and were deeply committed to having a family together. We came from very different families, but both were very strong in their own ways and we both valued that enormously. And we still had a couple of VERY rough patches along the way that I wasn't entirely sure we were gonna make it through, but we did and I'm pretty damn sure THAT wasn't luck except to the extent luck played some role in finding the right person to begin with. Or "A" right person, because I don't believe there was only one right match out there for me. Just a lot more wrong ones than right ones and I didn't settle down until I was as sure as I could be that it was with one of the right ones. And I guess I was lucky that I was right.
     
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  19. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Yep, I "knew" all these things, too.
     
  20. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Same here.

    Yep. You were lucky.
     
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