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to marry or not to marry

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by omlove, Jun 6, 2019.

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  1. nomadh

    nomadh Tele-Afflicted

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    If you are in ca or another no fault divorce state just refuse. One of the most evil things done by the justice system is no fault divorce.
    The 2nd is every marriage needs a prenup, not just rich people. And it isnt patriarchy. The system is designed for the winner to always be the laziest and scummiest. And to turn people to their scummiest. I've seen the system screw the good husband and the good wife. Do a full on contract in a state that doesn't automatically nullify it. Specify kids, money, budgets, fidelity, debt, child rearing, sex expectations, health, weigh gain and even an amendment system. Try and define it to the point of breaking it. it probably will. Then let it. But if you really understand what you expect and you agree with what defines a marriage then go for it. Also go to a marriage and psyc class with study and homework. In fact, once you sign your own contract and define what YOUR marriage is then have your marriage with your contract and tell the system to F itself.
     
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  2. TelePunkJCM

    TelePunkJCM Tele-Meister

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    Yes. Put sex expectations in your prenup. And weight gain. See what the divorce court does with those. If you can even find counsel.

    Jeepers. I wonder if attitudes towards women correlate at all with the negative experiences reported by some in this thread. Hmm.
     
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  3. jondanger

    jondanger Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

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    Sometimes this choice is made because the woman’s earnings are lower. Then the woman’s lifetime earnings are suppressed because of lost working years.

    Sometimes this choice is made because of social expectations and traditional family dynamics. Same effect of the woman’s lifetime earnings.

    When a choice is made in a system with interrelated pressures, it isn’t as free of a choice as you are making it out to be.

    I know that you’re divorced. Sorry it didn’t work out bro. But don’t try to convince folks (or yourself) that you cracked the code and that the failure of your marriage is actually some kind of life hack that will work for everyone else.
     
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  4. Manual Slim

    Manual Slim Friend of Leo's

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    (never mind)
     
  5. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    And inversely, the folks with good and long lasting marriages should possibly pause long enough from patting themselves on the back, realize how just plain lucky they have gotten, adopt a more "there but for the sake of God" attitude, and quit trying to convince others (or themselves) that they cracked the code and the success of their marriage is actually some kind of life hack that will work for everyone else.
     
  6. jondanger

    jondanger Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

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    That’s also true. Am I doing that though? I don’t think so, but we all have blind spots.
     
  7. bftfender

    bftfender Poster Extraordinaire

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    love..putting others first....in this selfish self serving world..
    its not a code....its in the vows.....its commitment & understanding love is putting others first...not hard to do & it seriously becomes reciprocal..not just your spouse but with kids..neighbors..anybody. ...nothing wrong with serving others first..its amazing when you do that, how life turns around & blesses you to an abundance...of things that really matter(peace, joy, friendship, stability) all the things the world places under money & self promotion)
     
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  8. GuitarKid

    GuitarKid Tele-Holic

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    I would say get married if you're absolutely sure your future wife or whatever loves you and will never have second thoughts. That means you have to know what you have. If you are the kind of guy that go for the expensive, high maintenance, high profile women, chances are you are gonna be the one getting hurt in the end. I learned long ago to leave those cash-seeking, flash-seeking, glamour-seeking, status-seeking things alone. Why? Because I faced the truth that I'm not the super male guy who grabs the women by the underwear, who has a high position job, and is able to choose and pick his opportunistic multiple-faced women. I was never the super dominant stereotypical male, and I'm glad. I'm a real Joe. I'm not some movie stereotype. So I learned, after getting heartbroken a few times, that I would never win this race. I was not top-notch material. I have self-pride and self respect, but I'm also realistic. I have a lot of qualities, I don't think I'm the "loser beta", I'm just a guy who has less evident qualities and abilities.

    After deciding to just stick to who I am, I was lucky enough that somebody else loved me for who I am, and not for what I supposedly had, or had to offer in terms of money, material things or status. She's a "simple" (which means - not a sold-out soul without any integrity or personality like 99% of people these days) person like me. She's far more beautiful than I could have ever wished for, and I'm sure she really loves me. We have been happily married and ave a daughter.

    If you are the "alpha male", the super tall muscular guy who's at a leading position somewhere, and can choose and pick the women you want, I'd say, do what feels best to you, but also keep in mind that a married person isn't supposed to be looking to other women, and has to accept all the "boring" things that come with a married life. Yes, sometimes you may feel like the the increased expenses, the increased responsibility and commitment, sometimes are a little tough, but this is just real life. If you wanted to get married, you have to accept this reality, and be content about it.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2019
  9. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    It takes two, for that. It only takes one to decide to throw in the towel, and call it quits.

    I married forever, and there was nothing that could change my loyalty and devotion. My (now ex) wife, notsomuch. And I was very careful in choosing WHO to marry, also.

    You guys who got lucky need to start admitting that that's what it is. To do otherwise only heaps more stigma on those of us who are divorced. Not saying that you don't work hard at your marriages, but it's still a roll of the dice, and you could have easily ended up in the same boat as us less fortunate, and the reasons that you did not go way beyond things that you have any control over.

    Because that's what marriage is.
     
  10. bftfender

    bftfender Poster Extraordinaire

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    no luck bro...its commitment..or all would quit..and don't forget there is some who have a rock solid value system that actually comes from where marriage originated..that supersedes all the excuses
     
  11. jondanger

    jondanger Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

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    So is your frequently stated position of "marriage is a racket" being revised in this post? Because what you are describing - luck + work - isn't the makings of a racket.

    Saying that marriage is a racket stigmatizes those of us who are married as total dupes, and I sure don't see myself that way.
     
  12. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    There is a strange aspect of the hivethink that somehow figures people always actually did something to deserve the good or ill fortune they've experienced. Whether we are talking marriage, health, business...and while there are certainly paths that are wise to stick to if you want the best chances of success in certain areas, there simply are no guarantees, at all. To pretend that simply fortune or chance or randomness (you pick) doesn't play a part is to just turn a blind eye to a very real and cold fact
     
  13. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    I had that. She supposedly did, too. So, tell me what I did wrong o_O
     
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  14. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Certainly not. None of what I've stated changes this hard fact.

    Hey, I wish it weren't true. But it is.
     
  15. hudpucker

    hudpucker Tele-Meister

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    Wow. Do you actually believe what you're typing?

    I'm frankly amazed you could be so insular and compartmentalize such flawed reasoning. Facts to the contrary abound. Open your eyes and let go of your self-perpetuating dogma(s).


    I see you believe in 'alternative facts'. Here are some real ones for you to consider:

    https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2019/03/22/gender-pay-gap-facts/[/QUOTE]
     
  16. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Again, that takes two. It only takes one to quit. And what someone else does is at times completely out of your control/influence
     
  17. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    You are the one who's bought into inaccurate things that you've been told for the sake of an agenda.
     
  18. bftfender

    bftfender Poster Extraordinaire

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    no wrong....and i def feel for you & understand.it's so hard when others let us down..especially with kids & family's..it's hard to go back & unravel it all..but looking honestly & objectively..somewhere 2 people usually do something to one another that is so hard to overcome, It almost makes no sense..only thing we can do is examine ourselves & remove the veil of our perspective..it is hard..really hard to overcome..but there can be better days ahead..sorta let it go...rebuild..also..if you happen to meet your match..life can turn around so quick..but maybe the key..is truly being ourselves 100% when we date...cause it will come out..i mean the good bad & ugly..beliefs..habits..past..it needs out & the family of the person you marry factors in..no real answers in this thing..nothing tears ya up like a betrayal..
     
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  19. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Yes. Self-examination is a difficult and a necessary thing.

    Every day I bait the hook with pieces of my own flesh, with line from strips of my torn clothing, in hopes of catching that fish for a quick glimpse, for of course it must be released again to the waters, if one is to make any progress in their vessel
     
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  20. hudpucker

    hudpucker Tele-Meister

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    Look, the online version of "No, I'm not; YOU are!"

    I posted facts; you posted an unsupported retort.
     
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