to marry or not to marry

Also, there's a reason why auto insurance premiums for young men are generally higher than for young women

 

Yeah, it was pointed out. I'm normally okay with spelling but when there are lots of Ys and Is in the same word it can phase me.

Sent from my Phone using Tapatalk

 

Holy crap....thread started 2 days ago and we are on 21 pages..... Marriage is certainly one hot potato here!

 

I don't get paid for doing stuff around the house either. Or lawnwork or working on the car or any of that.

It would be ridiculous for me to expect to

 

Go to school. Get married. Have kids. Or take the red pill and own life.

 

Not reading seventeen pages of woman-bashing, but here's my 2 cents.

I love my wife, best decision I've made was to marry her.

Yes, there are rough patches. But if you find one that trusts you and doesn't depend on You for happiness, but rather has that taken care of, and you do the same, you can have an amazing relationship.

Too often, people look to someone else to fill a void that can't be filled by other people - that's far too much pressure and inevitably leads to problems.

Trying to avoid religion here for forum rules, but having an understanding there also helps immensely (that's science, there are tons of studies on the subject).

And finally, if you want the relationship to work, you have to put in a LOT of work. But nothing good ever comes easy. You have to climb an awful lot of mountain to see the views from up top.

TL;DR
With the right understanding, the right attitude and the right woman, there is nothing as good as a good marriage. Conversely, there's nothing as bad as a bad marriage.

 

For a few years, I worked closely with a legal department negotiating contracts. I'm nowhere near a lawyer but that time taught me some serious lessons on contract law.

During that time, I also realized that -- purely from legal/contractual perspective -- modern marriage is a terrible deal. If someone were to actually capture the terms in an agreement and show it to a lawyer, I am pretty certain most of them would advise their clients to walk away. Seriously - only the assumption of risk is guaranteed, the benefits are absolutely not.

While social norms have evolved over the decades, the traditional romantic male/female marriage pact has not. There may be alternate arrangements and special cases that are more fair but it really is a crap deal.

Of course, nobody wants to talk about that aspect of it when they planning the wedding, honeymoon, buying a house, etc., etc.

 

Why would anyone want the opinion of of this forum on such an important topic as getting married? This forum can't agree on whether to use a capo or not.

 

My sister (a woman) got terribly worked over by her partner of 26 (!) years when they split up. They were never married and there’s no such thing as common law anything in Michigan.

Even though she had been the steady bread-winner and bill payer for the last 10 years of their whatever-it-was.

She wouldn’t have raked him over the coals in a divorce if they had been legally married but there would have been some protection from the cash and property grab he perpetrated.

My brother and I were gonna get him out of their house and get her back in after changing the locks but my sister was too nice and thought (rightly) that with our tempers we’d end up snapping him in half like a dry twig.

Sorry for the inconvenient narrative all you HMWHC members.

For the record , I thought The Matrix sucked and I don’t take any pills .

 

And for those not keeping score , the OP rejoined the thread and said he had “read books”, decided not to get married, and sympathizes with the strident

“As-a-man-I’m-owed-physical-contact-with-women-but-they-seem-to-dislike-me-and-demand-certain-things-of-their-own-so-I’m-gonna-angrily-swear-off-all-women-and-really-show-them-by-having-an-awesome-life-and-so-what-if-I-believe-in-a-lot-of-conspiracy-theories-and-base-my-life-partly-on-a-fantasy-movie-I’m-free-all-by-myself!” movement.

So , I don’t care if he gets married or not and neither should you

 

Women quit their jobs to raise kids. Did you quit your job to mow the lawn? Then wth are you talking about? The comparison makes no sense.

 

My wife and I attended a wedding at a fancy place out by the river. It was held outdoors in the spring, a white gazebo was erected for the ceremony. The whole affair looked like something on TV. Beautiful dresses on the ladies, tuxes for the men, flowers everywhere, a catered affair!

When the bride walked down the aisle with her father, she looked strikingly regal, with her hair done up in back, beautiful white gown with a train flowing behind, kind of like a woman you would see in profile on an old locket. When the arrived at the part where the officiator began to speak the vows, the woman turned to him when he finished with the part where she was supposed to repeat them back, and said; "I'm sorry, what were you saying?" I looked over at my wife, and said I'll give it six months, it didn't need all the time I gave it.

 

What's bothering you is the engagement ring. They're a racket, and you don't like getting scammed. Most of our grandparents (or for us older readers, parents) never thought about engagement rigs. Or destination weddings. Or chocolate fountains. Or divorce.

Get back to the basics. Wedding rings? Yes. Engagement rings? No. If the two of you agree that you're getting married, you're engaged. It's as simple as that.

 

Not quite. No one had said anything about the engagement ring racket yet.

 

I still stand by mine.

 

This was essentially the thought that allowed me to accept my wife’s marriage proposal fourteen years ago. I didn’t care much for myself at all, but she did and it changed me.

 

The ring can be a devastating object in the course of a romance. When I was eight years old, I fell deeply in love with Doris Day, and a little girl down the street from where I lived simultaneously. Since Doris was out of my reach, I courted the little girl to the best of my ability. When we reached the stage of discussing matrimony, she insisted on having a ring. So, I went to the local variety store and purchased a beautiful engagement ring for her for something in the neighborhood of a quarter, financed by my rustling up pop bottles for their deposit refund value. Just as BT predicted about women, I soon found out she was cheating on me with Herman, he was much taller than me, and a year older.

I confronted her, and she threw the ring at my feet, I promptly picked it up, chewed it up, and swallowed it! I thought that will teach her a lesson. Herman suffered the same fate as I the little girl soon took up with a curly headed kid. My stomach hurt for several days, I think the ring passed about the same time as my infatuation with the little girl did, then everything was all better.

 

That's why it's called taking the plunge.

It's like diving into a cold lake. If you want to swim, it's worth it.

 

A girl I dated that mentioned she deserved to be treated like a princess and demanded to be married within a year also informed me that engagement rings where supposed to at least cost x months wages. I can't remember how many months that was but it was a lot of money. It was news to me but apparently it was a thing at the time. The ring was around the price of a new car.