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to marry or not to marry

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by omlove, Jun 6, 2019.

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  1. Mike Simpson

    Mike Simpson Doctor of Teleocity

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    Just find someone that hates you and give them half of everything you own... and then make payments to them for 10 years...
     
  2. Jakethedog

    Jakethedog TDPRI Member

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    If he is 34 and she is 27 that’s not a problem. If it is, it doesn’t have anything to do with age. Besides, a woman knows when she can’t have kids anymore, that doesn’t mean she can’t be married to a much younger man.

    Point is do t get hung up on a 7 year age difference. It really doesn’t matter.
     
  3. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Where's sex and money? Wife # 4 and 5, I assume?
     
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  4. chulaivet1966

    chulaivet1966 Tele-Afflicted

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    If I were asked by a young man today about marriage?
    In the current western world and witnessing (5) decades of feminism I would say:
    "Don't do it
    " for many legit reasons.
    It's become a game of emotional & financial roulette for the male and a contract with the state that will not be in the male's corner.

    I could go on with this topic but all here know how to google things for their own education. :)

    But....that's just me....to each their own.
     
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2019
  5. joe_cpwe

    joe_cpwe Tele-Afflicted

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    I got married because I wanted to be with her, not because I wanted a party, a ring, her income,,,whatever other crap reason. We dated 4 years and have been married almost 27. I think a lot of time together before marriage, and not necessarily living together, is important.

    Are there rough times, of course. Be careful that she isn't overly selfish and neither are you. That will kill the marriage.

    One year dating is too short IMO. My son just got married at 22, dated for one year and proposed. I told him to wait & give it more time. We'll see how they do.

    Good luck.
     
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2019
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  6. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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  7. Vognell

    Vognell Tele-Meister

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    If your relationship is genuinely good, shouldn't be a problem. Marriage is really just a different way to file your taxes. If you're already really happy together, there's not that big of a difference in how you live (assuming you are cohabitating). There is a legitimate fear of legal and financial consequences should things sour, but that's what prenups are for.
     
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  8. rad1

    rad1 Tele-Afflicted

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    You do realize you are asking marriage advice from musicians! I might guess that particular social subgroup might score way down on the marriage success ladder. Not say’n some of us have not been successful at it, I’m about to hit 48 years of marriage with raddwife this summer. I would not have it any other way.
     
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  9. omlove

    omlove Tele-Meister

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    kids that call you father and grow up with both parents?
     
  10. GeoB

    GeoB Tele-Holic

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    If there is any question whatsoever in your mind, perhaps you better take a deep breath and relax and really give it some thought.

    And ask some questions. Seek out wise counsel.

    A divorce is an education in what to not look for and is often very difficult to ever recover from.
     
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2019
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  11. Muddslide

    Muddslide Friend of Leo's

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    Every couple is different. The kinds of love, the willingness to compromise, to work on it, to understand the other, to be truly united.

    It is effortful, but can be worth it.

    Is she pushing you at all to marry her?

    I was very, very against marriage for the first half of my life...I used to counsel my friends against it. In fact, every one of my friends (male and female) who married in their 20s or early 30s has been through at least one divorce.

    Every. One. As far as I know or recollect at any rate.

    I finally married at 28 and while there were some good times, it went South pretty quick. However, my ex was mentally ill, fairly abusive, irrational and a gambling addict who refused to work but complained all the time about all manner of things.

    Then after 21 years she dumped me for a guy with more money. (And he split on her in under a year, once he saw how the wind was blowing.)

    The one good thing to come out of that marriage was my two kids. They are awesome, and 19 and 20 now.

    And then I met an incredible woman who is 10 years older than me. I didn't know love could be so free and easy and deeply felt. We will probably get married this year.

    So, I don't know. I don't know you, or the young lady in question.

    I'd have to echo others here who've said try living together first and see how it goes.

    I hate to say this, but what I'd REALLY recommend is: don't have children.

    It's very rewarding, it's an incredible thing, but it is also the hardest, most draining thing you will ever do. It will age you, it will put an unimaginable strain on your marriage, and it will cost you a fortune and never stop.

    Older generations always say this, but the way the world truly is now, and as hard as it is for young people to get started and get by, I would not bring a child into the world today. Not unless you plan to do the bulk of housing and caring and providing for them as long as you live.
     
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  12. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    You can absolutely get that outside of a marriage. Many, many do.
     
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  13. rich815

    rich815 Friend of Leo's Ad Free Member

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    Don’t get married until you’re 100% sure. I waited until I was 37, she was 27. I’m 56 now. So happy I waited as I can see now that earlier “prospects” would’ve have been disastrous.
     
  14. rich815

    rich815 Friend of Leo's Ad Free Member

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    And then there’s this advice:

     
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  15. DFB1

    DFB1 Tele-Holic Silver Supporter

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    Marriage is never the answer.
    What was the question?
     
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  16. JL_LI

    JL_LI Friend of Leo's

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    I’ve been married to the same woman since 1974. Choose wisely. You raise questions about financial burdens and chores. Do you not think of yourself as a potential financial burden and as extra chores. In 45 years of marriage my wife and I have shared innumerable joys. We’ve also supported each other through challenges that may have lead others to end the union. I can’t predict how it will go for you other than that there will be unimaginable joys and challenges no one can predict. Believe me that buying the diamond is an inconsequential expense compared with what you’ll face down the road. Don’t do it if you’re not ready. Don’t do it if she’s not ready. And choose wisely my friend.
     
  17. 1293

    1293 Poster Extraordinaire

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    Thread over. Everything that needed to be said has been said.
     
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  18. Muddslide

    Muddslide Friend of Leo's

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    That doesn't require marriage in any way really.
     
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  19. raysachs

    raysachs Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    Only you can decide if what you're having is nerves or serious doubts. If it's nerves, don't worry about it. If it's serious doubts, don't rush until and unless you know.

    I'd been through a few relationships that didn't last when I was young - I always got to the point of thinking, "I'd rather be on my own than live with this woman indefinitely". And then I decided that was a smart approach and just got really comfortable with the idea of staying single indefinitely. And then, of course, once I got comfortable with that idea, I met a woman who I couldn't imagine living withOUT. We've been together about 36 years, married 33, and I think it's gonna stick.

    I never had any serious doubts, but I absolutely freaked out the morning of the wedding. Thought I was physically ill. The idea that I'd never fall in love with anyone again, that it would never be new and fresh again, etc, really kind of freaked me out. And also the idea that all of these friends and family members had flown halfway or all the way across the country just for US was a little overwhelming. But then my buddies talked me down and we went and played basketball for a couple hours and I was fine. But if I'd had serious doubts, I wouldn't have done it. It only took an hour or so to realize all I had was nerves, and they didn't hit until the morning of the big day.

    But only you can know. But I don't have a bad word to say about the institution of marriage. There are people here advising against it, but their objections are all transactional, material. And if that's how you look at it, you should NOT get married. But that's not really all it's about, it's a hell of a lot deeper than that. Marrying my wife is the second best thing I've ever done in life, only bettered by being a father to our daughters. It's all that really matters at the end of the day.
     
  20. Piggy Stu

    Piggy Stu Friend of Leo's

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    People in here saying their marriage worked for them is like me saying that I drove with no seatbelt and never went thru the windscreen

    People who saw a lot of head on collisions might have a different opinion. Things can go wrong
     
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