to marry or not to marry

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by omlove, Jun 6, 2019.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Telefied Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    48,826
    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2009
    Location:
    Kelowna, BC, Canuckistan
    Well, the lawyers don't want to change it. $$$$$
     
    telemnemonics and blowtorch like this.
  2. bftfender

    bftfender Friend of Leo's

    Posts:
    4,009
    Joined:
    Dec 21, 2017
    Location:
    York PA
    you call ? i can help with that...pick..or drill or cut off wheel
     
    telemnemonics likes this.
  3. bftfender

    bftfender Friend of Leo's

    Posts:
    4,009
    Joined:
    Dec 21, 2017
    Location:
    York PA
    the only true winners in a divorce !!! the lawyers
     
    telemnemonics and blowtorch like this.
  4. Harry Styron

    Harry Styron Tele-Afflicted Silver Supporter

    Posts:
    1,456
    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2011
    Location:
    Branson, Mo
    BigDaddy, I probably should have said cultural, rather than ethnic. If there are ethnic or cultural differences, openness, as you correctly point out, is the essential to accommodating and appreciating differences.

    Openness is one of the Big Five personality traits, all of which have a lot to do with compatibility.
     
    telemnemonics likes this.
  5. Manual Slim

    Manual Slim Tele-Afflicted

    Posts:
    1,510
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2017
    Location:
    Up around the bend
    Getting there!
     
  6. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Telefied Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    48,826
    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2009
    Location:
    Kelowna, BC, Canuckistan
    +1. I see a Friday thread where we rank ourselves.
     
    telemnemonics likes this.
  7. Mike SS

    Mike SS Poster Extraordinaire

    Age:
    63
    Posts:
    8,482
    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2012
    Location:
    Nebraska
    My first marriage was a mistake. She had a plan for me. I needed to become a little clone of her father. I became unhappy, and sought happiness with another woman. Not a good idea. Marriage ended at 12 years. (She has her clone now, and has accepted the fact that he is an alcoholic. She seems happy.)

    Second marriage is much better. Accepts, and loves me for who I am. Been together 22 years, and married for 18 of that. Marriage did not change our life together. No "higher power" involved, just mutual respect and love for each other. One "secret" if you will: we talk.
     
    P Thought and Toto'sDad like this.
  8. viking

    viking Friend of Leo's

    Age:
    53
    Posts:
    3,895
    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2007
    Location:
    Denmark
    Only the people can change how these things work.....
     
  9. Deeve

    Deeve Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

    Posts:
    3,353
    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2009
    Location:
    Ballard
    I'd step away from Anybody trying to PUSH a marriage.
    Peace - Deeve
     
  10. Endless Mike

    Endless Mike Friend of Leo's

    Posts:
    2,601
    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2016
    Location:
    Arlington, Texas
    I've been married 25 years, and my wife and I have always been friends first, great pals before anything else. I suggest that a person NOT get married unless they have that as a foundation. After that, the next step is to live together for a few years first.
    If you are real friends first, and can live together for at least two or three years happily and comfortably (which means able to weather storms of disagreement) then, AND ONLY THEN, consider getting married.

    Without those things first, you're probably looking at divorce eventually, so make sure you have a prenuptial in place.
     
    kingofdogs1950 likes this.
  11. Endless Mike

    Endless Mike Friend of Leo's

    Posts:
    2,601
    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2016
    Location:
    Arlington, Texas
    I hope the OP reads, then re-reads this a few times and lets it sink in.
     
  12. mitchfinck

    mitchfinck Tele-Holic

    Age:
    29
    Posts:
    839
    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2015
    Location:
    Kitchener, Ontario
    You've not been together a year yet. Pretty valid to maybe not feel quite ready or whatever else. Maybe just cool on it for another year.
     
    telemnemonics likes this.
  13. Endless Mike

    Endless Mike Friend of Leo's

    Posts:
    2,601
    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2016
    Location:
    Arlington, Texas
    From experience, I suggest not allowing having children to be a reason get married or to be or stay with someone. I realize how that sounds, but without a solid foundation, and a real companionship, a friendship, kids will only complicate things, and create stress you can't imagine if you've never been a parent.
     
  14. Endless Mike

    Endless Mike Friend of Leo's

    Posts:
    2,601
    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2016
    Location:
    Arlington, Texas
    YES! That's the big one.
     
  15. Chunkocaster

    Chunkocaster Poster Extraordinaire

    Posts:
    6,105
    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2018
    Location:
    In space with Ziggy
    You could try a test marriage out for a year, trial the worst case scenario where she plans your time out for the whole year and your wages are deposited directly into her bank account with you asking for a weekly allowance. If you can make that work for you and be happy you should have a better than average shot at the real marriage working out. It will also be good training for the compromises that will be necessary for your future.
     
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2019
  16. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    26,172
    Joined:
    May 2, 2003
    Location:
    Wisco
    You can also simply talk things right to death and find yourselves going round in circles and not getting anywhere.

    Seems like basically it'll work, or it won't. And yeah, from my perspective, it's mostly up to her, whether it does or not. Mine "chose another path" and now she's HIS problem. And my kids', unfortunately

    It takes two to make things work. It only takes one to throw in the towel, and call it quits
     
  17. cc50fralin

    cc50fralin Tele-Meister

    Age:
    62
    Posts:
    412
    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2018
    Location:
    Queens, NY
    Wow!

    A marriage thread at a guitar site, and it got 15 pages of responses in a day? :eek:

    I rarely give any one advice on anything, unless I know them well, and/or am very well-versed in the subject they're enquiring about.

    I was best man twice, and an usher about 6 times for my friends when we were younger.

    Out of those 8 marriages, about 3 are still together, so that's less than half.

    You can't get divorced if you're not married.

    And all this cheating; God save us! Many people seem to think it's OK, and acceptable.

    They seem to think that an open marriage is OK, even if their spouse does not. And they have a dozen excuses as to why it's OK.

    I can't even begin to accept this; I'm just old fashioned.

    I never had trouble finding a girlfriend, but every one of them wanted nothing more to do with me after they realized I would not marry them.

    And, I never cheated on any of my girlfriends.

    Some people are made for marriage, some are not. Know thyself.

    I'm 62, and don't regret never marrying.

    Good luck in your deceision.

    Mike ;)
     
    Big_Bend and Chunkocaster like this.
  18. MilwMark

    MilwMark Poster Extraordinaire Ad Free Member

    Posts:
    9,867
    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2013
    Location:
    near Arnold's
    The amount of misogyny and misinformation in this thread is shocking.

    The divorce rate has been falling steeply since the 90s. And note, it's a rate of marriages that end in divorce. So the drop is not because there are fewer marriages.

    Women are statistically far more likely to adjust or pause their careers to raise kids. That has real monetary implications if a marriage ends, and likely influences how assets are divided.

    Women are also statistically far less likely to cheat than men.

    Reading this thread makes me sad. I should probably stop.
     
  19. Rev Rhythm

    Rev Rhythm Tele-Meister

    Posts:
    294
    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2019
    Location:
    New Orleans
    Been married almost twenty years. Can be great, can be difficult, but is overall one of the better decisions I've made.

    A piece of advice though:. It's far easier to get to know yourself and what you want BEFORE you get married. Discovering yourself in the middle of one is tricky and can lead to some second guessing.
     
    2 Headed Goat likes this.
  20. Chunkocaster

    Chunkocaster Poster Extraordinaire

    Posts:
    6,105
    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2018
    Location:
    In space with Ziggy
    This is not what I have witnessed amongst the group of divorced people I know that first come to mind.
    Of around 6 failed marriages that first come to mind every one was due to the female leaving the guy and hooking up with a new partner within a month. The guys were all devastated. I don't know a single guy that has left his wife due to cheating or anything else for that matter.
     
    Big_Bend and blowtorch like this.
IMPORTANT: Treat everyone here with respect, no matter how difficult!
No sex, drug, political, religion or hate discussion permitted here.


Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.