to marry or not to marry

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by omlove, Jun 6, 2019.

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  1. Owenmoney

    Owenmoney Tele-Afflicted

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    And a lot of women are bigger pigs than men are. There is no separation of status in that respect. I like women, a lot, but there’s a whole lot of women not worth the time or effort it takes to put up with them,
    I’m truly blessed, I’ve been married three times, this time I got it right, she’s my perfect partner. We’ve never had a fight, we can disagree without getting mad, we are both intelligent, and capable of compromise and we put things into their proper priority. We just enjoy being together, we kid , tease , laugh and endure through life’s ups and downs. Life with the right woman is amazing, life with the wrong one is hell on earth !


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  2. Manual Slim

    Manual Slim Tele-Afflicted

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    (Shhhhh, this is how they blow off steam and not go on shooting sprees.)
     
  3. 41144

    41144 Tele-Holic

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    omlove ... Sounds to me like you've already talked yourself out of getting married, at least at the moment!
    Apologies if this has already been said ... there are 12 pages of stuff prior to this but ... at least tell her about your current feelings asap and talk it over.

    But ....
    Marriage/family life can be scary and does require commitment and understanding from both partners for, and on, a whole host of things.
    eg. When we were younger and struggling to make mortgage payments and bringing up our kids (despite being in 'professional' jobs) ... I didn't spend a penny on music gear for not far off 20 years.

    Now, and this is not intended to sound smug, but speaking as someone married (happily, albeit with occasional trying times) for quite a few years now with two sons I'm immensely proud of and 4 grand-children that keep me on my toes ... I, for one, wouldn't change it.
     
  4. Tidepoolbay

    Tidepoolbay Friend of Leo's

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    I should have never married. I did it twice.
     
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  5. raysachs

    raysachs Friend of Leo's

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    I felt that way before I got married. I didn’t feel any great need to get married, with or without kids. But I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this woman. And getting married mattered to her. It might have been about kids because we both knew we wanted kids, but it might have just been about the tradition / ritual. And while it didn’t seem that important to me, if it mattered to her I was perfectly willing to do it. And then after we’d done it, after all of the planning and coordination and having our families and closest friends travel to share this moment with us, I realized it meant a lot to me. It felt meaningful to have shared this exchanging of vows with people we cared about. That it was important to her mattered to me, and it turned out the actual ritual was important to me too.

    Both of my daughters are in long term relationships and I also didn’t have any particular feelings about whether they get married or not. Both guys are really good men, they’re part of the family with or without a wedding. But when one of them called me to say he planned to ask my daughter to marry him and hoped he’d have my blessing, I was incredibly moved. I was really emotional and very happy when they got engaged. Now I’m wondering how I’m gonna keep it together when I walk her down the aisle in October. So it clearly does have some meaning, to me at least, even though I feel pretty nonchalant about it before it happens. If my other daughter and her guy decide not to get married, it won’t bother me at all, but if they decide TO get married, I’m sure I’ll be just as happy then too. Sometimes we don’t really know how we feel about something until we experience it.
     
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2019
  6. chulaivet1966

    chulaivet1966 Tele-Afflicted

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    I thought that suggestion was submitted earlier in the thread.
    My wife an I lived together for six years before we took the "M" word step.
    I would recommend to all (men/women) to live together for a few years first.

    Back to topic...
     
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  7. Mike Eskimo

    Mike Eskimo Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    Described them to a T.

    “I want/deserve/am owed sex/love because I’m a man - no matter who I am, how I act, what I look like !”

    No.

    Do you wanna know why I would go to bars and clubs in the 80’s/early 90’s and suffer the harassment of my friends because I was out on the dance floor risking embarrassment dancing with girls ?

    That’s what it took. Fine. I can do that.

    And did.


    ONLY with a notarized legal document drawn up by a lawyer stating specifically what happens if you break up/stop living together.

    Living together for a year or two when you don’t have a pot to piss in and you’re really young and one of the main reasons you’re living together is proximity for constant “young love” sex - fine.

    Long-term? See above regarding legal documentation and contractual obligations...
     
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  8. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Poster Extraordinaire

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    “Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your root was so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is.

    Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being in love, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.

    Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.”

    Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, Louis de Bernieres


    That might be written for chicks though, not us hairy tough men.
     
  9. P Thought

    P Thought Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

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    I got nothin'. Great thread, though.
     
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  10. AviA

    AviA Tele-Meister

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    The marriage itself does not make any difference.
    Kids do.

    So, think if she's the one you want to grow your kids with.
     
  11. Chunkocaster

    Chunkocaster Poster Extraordinaire

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    It's great that some have happy marriages, unfortunate others have had a bad time in them. When you sign up for marriage your future is partially beyond your control. Just because you make the effort and think it's worth it doesn't mean your partner will think and do the same. I'm sure most guys that have been burned learned the hard way and thought at times they were happy and content and that state would last forever. It helps to put in the effort but it's no guarantee that will secure your future in your marriage. As said in other posts we can only give opinions based on our own experiences and current situations. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

    I think you can love a person deeply without marrying them and vice versa. If someone is willing to leave you because you don't think Marriage is any more than a outdated tradition then imo they don't deeply love and care about you enough to last in marriage anyway. The exception to that is if they are so conditioned to believe in the process of marriage that they would never leave or cheat etc but then you would never really know that until the end anyway.
     
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2019
  12. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

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    You know what this thread needs? Whatcha got??



     
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  13. Chunkocaster

    Chunkocaster Poster Extraordinaire

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  14. Muddslide

    Muddslide Friend of Leo's

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    There's a good bit of rather petty, pathetic misogynistic rhetoric on this thread.

    I've seen this elsewhere as well...

    "Women are untrustworthy...they are just trying to get their hooks in you...they all expect this, or that...they start out great but then want to control you and take take take...they have friendly faces, but their tails coil around Hell..."

    It's BS. it's not as if all women are of a hive mind and behave and think the same way, or want or expect the same things.

    Anything negative you can generalize (never a good idea anyway as we are all individuals) about women is also something you could (incorrectly) say about all men. It just doesn't work or apply to all situations.

    Being conniving, or unfaithful, or vampiric, or moody or bitter or whatever...these are unfortunately just human traits. They are neither inherent nor exclusive to one gender or another. That's nonsense.

    I understand that people get shafted, screwed over, hurt, cheated on, etc. Happens to men and women alike. I know a lot of women who've been done terribly wrong by their mates and spouses, and a number of men who've been ruined and treated very shabbily by their girlfriends and wives.

    But why allow that to make you reject or dismiss or rail against roughly one half of the human race?

    We males should remember: we aren't all Prince Charmings either. A lot of us give the women in our lives trouble or exasperation at times in one way or another.

    More importantly, if you think of it, women have to deal with and think about dozens of things men never have to worry about from rape to being hit on every time they go out alone to what I'm sure is the pure joy of monthly cycles and the physical and hormonal fallout of that.

    Then they have to put up with us on top of it all.

    Clearly not all women are stellar people, or princesses, or perfect, etc.

    But they are individual human beings who by and large deserve our respect and admiration.
     
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  15. JeffBlue

    JeffBlue Tele-Afflicted

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    Everybody has had doubts and worries before getting married. Marriage is only an option if can't live your life without her. Imagine it, how does it make you feel? Don't marry her if you can let her walk out of your life. I have been married 30 years this July and my wife is my best friend and is constantly keeping me out of trouble by telling me "NO" when I have another wild and crazy idea. My wife is all about family and is making decisions accordingly.
     
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  16. Rich724

    Rich724 Tele-Meister

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    If you want to start a family and you feel she would be a good mother and an asset to your life, yes. Otherwise no. Last I heard 50% of marriages fail. How would you like not being with her an still provide support and possibly child support payments?.
     
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  17. bftfender

    bftfender Friend of Leo's

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    in a throw away on demand..instant gratification society..people aint afraid of marriage..they are afraid of commitment...and loyalty
     
  18. Chunkocaster

    Chunkocaster Poster Extraordinaire

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    Or the possible lack of it from their partners.
    Marriage wasn't a thing until people were conditioned to think it was an essential part of life.
    It was scandalous to be unfaithful in marriage in the early days right up until the sixties. Adultery happened but it was a shameful thing. Today marriage still stands but the idols of the day are notorious for cheating and sleeping around. Movie stars and celebrities change partners like they change their underwear and they are the role models people growing up have been exposed to for generations now. On top of that people expect a lot more these days as in a house worthy of a magazine cover, high end fashion, Overseas travel, new cars and the latest appliances etc. I think the new conditioning has negatively affected Marriage and traditional values making people more wary of entering marriage if they take the time to weigh up the pro's and cons. The twerking generation are at much greater risk of their marriages failing than previous generations.
     
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2019
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  19. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    I'm genuinely sorry for those folks who have had bad marriages, I've one bad one, and one really good one. The first one didn't last long, I saw my first going bad, and took a look at her parents battle that had been raging for twenty five years, and said, I can't deal with this. She left me, and I thought now is a good time to end this. I hit it out to Vegas, and got a divorce.

    I married again, it's lasted for fifty three years, and I can say without reservation, getting married the second time was the best thing I ever did. Once, and there have been many such revelations to me in our marriage, we were at Pismo California at the beach. My wife who is very detail oriented had prepared us a picnic down to it being in a genuine picnic basket. We had our little family dog Snowball sitting with us in the park, the kids had been playing and we were sitting down to eat. I looked over at momma's 68 Mustang and thought to myself, this is a snapshot, of a perfect moment in my, and all of our lives. I stopped and gave thanks for that moment and expressed this to my wife, and children, and thanked them for being there.

    I've had many of these moments over the years, I've known tragic moments too, losing my oldest son, the product of my first marriage would have been much worse without the woman of my life to be there with me. (and little Toto) When I talked it over with my wife, about my son's funeral, she said before I could even approach it, "we should pay for the funeral." To have a woman who is willing to pay for her step son's funeral, is I would say if not a rarity, at least not very common.

    I simply would not have had a life as full without my wife, and children, of this there is no question in my mind. I know things don't turn out well for some, but for me, I am happy with my life, and would hit start from the beginning and do it all again without hesitation.
     
  20. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Think about this one, long and hard. Yeah, that's what she said.

    But, yeah. A single dad is expected to provide financial support to his ex-wife, in the ridiculous guise of "child support", at a rate of about one-third of his pre-tax income. And somehow at the same time, he's supposed to maintain a suitable household for his children, for the pittance of time that she allows for them to spend with their father.
     
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