Thoughts on this? Moral obligation?

[scottser]

It was between your brother and her, but yeah he should pay it back.

 

[NeverTooLate]

Are we really talking 1,800$? Like less than the average monthly rent in the US? And you have a made up claim of half of that or 900$?

Your grandparents could do whatever they pleased. It is not like your parents left all the inheritance to your brother or skewed it 70/30 or something like that. And it happened "a while ago."

If my sister had borrowed 1,800, I would not even think of bringing the subject up to anybody and would tell my mother not be ridiculous. If my sister would want to give me 900 cool, if not, who cares?

Now, if the amount were 180,000 and it were INTENDED to be repaid AND used as inheritance for US and the FAMILY knew this was the case, then that would be a very specific case in which my sister got an emergency help NOT intended as advanced inheritance and in that narrow case, I would expect my sister to pay me those 50% over time.

But if my grandmother gave 180,000 to my sister, then what? Good for my sister. Shrug.

 

[Peegoo]

It all depends on your family situation. If all involved are reasonable people then things can go well. In my case it turned out that reasonable had nothing to do with it. When my Father passed it took over a week for me to find out about it from a distant relative because my two brothers didn't want me to know. By the time I got involved my brothers and their wives had gone through my dads house like gypsies in the palice. Watches, jewelry, household goods you name it, all gone. They had even located the original will and torn pages out of it that concerned my part of the inheritance. The whole thing turned out to be two full years of misery for everyone. Fortunately for me they decided to share a lawyer on the cheap who hadn't practiced in over 20 years and I went all in with best money could buy. My take on it is that what is owed to the estate is owed and should be payed back. On the other hand if it's going to cause contraversy don't sweat the small stuff, focus on the big picture and know that a lot of things that go to litigation can sometimes end up costing more than they're worth.

Edit: Oh by the way my lawyer was finally able to locate the storage unit where my brothers were hiding my dad's stuff and we retrieved all but one watch. A week later this arrived at my door sent by my youngest brother and we called it even.

View attachment 1081335

That is a MIK Fender GT Tele. Killer guitar. Neck-through!

 

[Mjark]

Let it go.

 

[Dukex]

If it was a loan, he should offer to pay it back. If you care about him, you should decline his offer.

 

[Jim_in_PA]

It's not unusual when settling an estate for there to be one or more "informal" loans to family members. Sometimes they are not documented and just anecdotal, too. Unless they are very recent or really "yuge", my opinion is that they are "water over the dam" and become a gift when the person who granted the loan passes away. It's not worth the hassle in even considering them relative to distribution to the heirs most of the time. When I was closing out my parents' affairs, it was clear that the money they gave to a niece for college was supposed to be a loan and that the money they gave a sibling for a manufactured home many decades ago was originally supposed to be the same. Neither had ever been repaid. Not even a penny. I ignored them both; there was no impact for the niece anyway and for the sibling, the amount of money involved in the estate was not enough to matter and they didn't have the resources I have. (I saved for retirement over the years; they did not)

 

[Lone_Poor_Boy]

Move on from it. That was a transaction between them and has zero to do with you, then or now.

It's just $1,800 and people need to actively try and avoid the conflict in these situations as many families seem to naturally gravitate toward them.

I have four siblings. My Mom passed a year or so ago and I expected nothing. That is the way I approach death and wills. I am always prepared ahead to expect nothing as I have seen the ugliness in too many others of what happens and... you know what? It was their money, not mine. Not earned by me or anyone in any way shape or form.

A single friend of many of us from high school, who all relocated to Denver and were still a group of best friends getting together, passed in early 2021 very unexpectedly. I watched multiple of my friends spend time sorting things but also debating what was left for who as things weren't straightforward. I saw this from day one and stayed the hell out of it.

He did leave some clear direction that the house would go to his ex-girlfriend from 10 years prior, as crazy as that might sound(more to it). I don't know how many times someone would say 'But I know that's not what he would have wanted'. And I just thought, and said a few times; 'You don't know that. And you know what? In lieu of any other legal guidance, this is the way it works.'

Seriously people, take care of your house, and never assume anything else is coming your way.

 

[Donnie55]

If he pays it back or not, either choice will show his true his character. So let him decide.

 

[telemnemonics]

KISS might work here?
Family is dealing with all the stuff, keep it stupid simple and try not to create rifts or resentments where none exist or would be of benefit.

If there is a problem the $1800 would solve like mom cannot afford a casket and son borrower is buying CV Squiers in every color, THEN maybe fixit.

 

[Twofingerlou]

Lots of post and I can’t reply to all, thanks for the input. As for some that said this is a personal matter that shouldn’t be discussed here. It’s a drop in the bucket issue but posed a honest question. We as a family have other issues to worry about and those I won’t discuss here.

As far as the one that wondered if I regret posting this? Nope I think it shows some peoples character. I have no dog in this fight per se. It was brought to me I think due to the fact our family has always been fair and honest. Grandma was always more than fair to my brother and I growing up. As I mentioned I’m not out for money but I feel some people wanted to make sure it didn’t come up down the road, cause issues or make me feel like I got stiffed somehow.

Thanks again

 

[telemnemonics]

It might not be seen as fair by an accountant but I've twice taken the high road in family money matters and feel it it is the best way to go. Warring with family is expensive mentally and can be financially.

In closing my mother in law's estate going on for a year now the attorney did bring up one point of inequity discovered between my wife and her brother. It was much better for a practiced family law professional to propose a solution than my wife. The attorney's knowledge with experience made it hard for a sister in law trying to manipulate her brother.

When my grandfather died in 1975, a neighbor woman had been shopping and running errands for him.
She told my mother, that Grandpa wanted to give her $4000, which despite the terrible condition of the apartment, no clean clothes and no food, only empty beer bottles, my mother was a mess and might have paid the (murderer).
The lawyer suggested looking through the finances, and sure enough, the woman had been cashing a check every week for much more $ than there was evidence of supplies in the apartment.
Good for that lawyer.

Of course the opposite is often true, where one offspring services an elders needs and the elder gives the helper some money, but not as much as the value of the help provided.
Then family looks at records and demands money be "paid back".

Almost always happens that one child or grandchild is always going in to help and may even pay out of pocket, while other siblings do nothing and even criticize how the helper helps.
From here, we do not know how the loan came about or how the granny got along, if she needed help, what role the borrower played.
Even if he only visited often and made her happy, tough for us to say who owes who what and why.

 

[Maguchi]

Oh jeez, I've seen this sort of thing cause rifts and break up families before. Best not to mention it. If your brother is 31, hopefully that means you and your parents have several decades left to spend with him. Best to keep the family intact.