Thoughts on this? Moral obligation?

imwjl

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Yes, and to me its all about the present and the future. What's done is done. There's no reason to make life hard for all involved if nobody is in pressing need of the money. Sometimes we have to forgive.
It might not be seen as fair by an accountant but I've twice taken the high road in family money matters and feel it it is the best way to go. Warring with family is expensive mentally and can be financially.

In closing my mother in law's estate going on for a year now the attorney did bring up one point of inequity discovered between my wife and her brother. It was much better for a practiced family law professional to propose a solution than my wife. The attorney's knowledge with experience made it hard for a sister in law trying to manipulate her brother.
 

kuch

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Will $1800 make or break anyone involved?
If it would make a difference to any of the people involved, and.... if your brother can come up with the bucks without causing problems for himself, maybe he should "repay" the loan to the person who really needs it.
Don't make this a burden to anyone who might have to struggle with it.

personally, I would let it be....
 

Wrighty

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After loosing my grandma a couple weeks ago we’ve been going through things and finances. She had two grandkids, myself and my brother. Well a while back she loaned my brother 1800$ for school. I wasn’t aware of this until just recently but whatever.

Discussion with my mom this evening is what should happen there? She asked if I felt cheated, which I don’t.

She asked if I thought he should pay it back which would go to my mom and uncle. He said he would if that’s what’s decided.

She asked if I felt I should get 1800$ since he did and we call it even.

I don’t need the money but I found this situation interesting.

Thoughts? Imo he borrowed it so he should pay it back.
Yes, he should, sounds as if he has no problem doing so and it's the right thing.
 

Cpb2020

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Given that I wouldn’t know if it was a loan or a “loan”, I’d leave it up to my mom and uncle and I would steer clear of it.

My grandfather held mortgages for several of my cousins. There he wrote up official mortgage agreements, and they treated it as such. There were other times when he “helped” one or more of them out. That was simply different, and no one had hard feelings over it.
 
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lil scotty

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Interesting. I am a little confused with all the players in this scenario but since the money would go to your mom and uncle first (correct?) it would seem that they have the biggest say, before grandkids.
 

scrapyardblue

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I'd lean towards it was her money to do as she wished, not anybody else's $1,800 to not get. It might also go to intent. Was it an old loan that gramma had never expected payment or, and I've seen this, a last minute grab from a dying lady who the borrower knew couldn't refuse?
 

schmee

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I say debt is paid. That loan was between him and her and nobody else.
I agree. She loaned him the money because she wanted to help him. It's done ...over....

@Charlie Bernstein:"..... the idea that everything in life should come out even in a family ledger is unrealistic and unfair. In all likelihood, your parents spent unequal amounts raising the two of you. Should that be reflected in your inheritances?"

Totally agree also. It's like one kid goes to college and one never does, should you pay the non college kid $150k you spent on tuition for the other?

Your brother has no obligation to pay back anything for help he received from his Grandmother as far as I'm concerned unless there were specific discussions about doing it and under what circumstances etc. My Great Aunt gave me $1200 when going to college. I always felt that if she ever needed money I would pay it back. She never lived long enough after that to really need more money than she had.
 
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Fiesta Red

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I don’t think you’re being greedy, @Twofingerlou

If I remember correctly, your uncle and mom did all the “heavy lifting” in caring for your grandmother.

If they (mom annd uncle) are concerned about your brother’s debt, THEY should address it. It’s ultimately none of your business and you shouldn’t be called upon to “collect.”

It sounds like you are being level-headed, not insisting that you get an equal (gift? inheritance?) after the fact.

If your brother doesn’t pay the debt back to the estate—which he may or may not be legally obliged to do—that reflects on his ethics/morals/scruples, not yours.

I hope and pray that people don’t judge me by my brother’s actions, good or bad (mostly bad)…people shouldn’t do so in your case, either.
 

Midgetje94

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Was grandma expecting to get the money back? For certain?

I know I don’t “loan” family or good friends money and ever actually expect to see it again. It’s great when it happens, but man, it’s family. And good friends and family are far too important to me to get sideways with over something as stupid as money.

I also don’t loan it unless I can afford to do without it. Because I know I’m never going to make it my life’s mission to collect it. YMMV.
Yup. I was taught to help a friend or family if compelled/able to. But it’s a gift to them to help. Not a loan. That way you don’t expect it back. Better to be pleasantly surprised than let down and bitter.
 

Beachbum

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It all depends on your family situation. If all involved are reasonable people then things can go well. In my case it turned out that reasonable had nothing to do with it. When my Father passed it took over a week for me to find out about it from a distant relative because my two brothers didn't want me to know. By the time I got involved my brothers and their wives had gone through my dads house like gypsies in the palice. Watches, jewelry, household goods you name it, all gone. They had even located the original will and torn pages out of it that concerned my part of the inheritance. The whole thing turned out to be two full years of misery for everyone. Fortunately for me they decided to share a lawyer on the cheap who hadn't practiced in over 20 years and I went all in with best money could buy. My take on it is that what is owed to the estate is owed and should be payed back. On the other hand if it's going to cause contraversy don't sweat the small stuff, focus on the big picture and know that a lot of things that go to litigation can sometimes end up costing more than they're worth.

Edit: Oh by the way my lawyer was finally able to locate the storage unit where my brothers were hiding my dad's stuff and we retrieved all but one watch. A week later this arrived at my door sent by my youngest brother and we called it even.

1675618909860.png
 
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glenlivet

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For $1,800 ? (split)... forget about it. Not worth the time, trouble, heartache, and bent feelings that it will cause.
If everyone has a roof over their head and food in their belly, let it go.
If there were an extra zero on the end of it....different story, but for that much? Nope. Not even worth the time discussing it.
Let.
It.
Go.
Don't let that break relationships. Not worth it.
 

getbent

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I'd listen to @Harry Styron he is expert in that area.

For me, I've not lent money to family members with any expectation that it be repaid. When it has been repaid, I've been thrilled and treated it as 'found money' when it has not been repaid, I've done my best to forget about it.

My metric has been 'twice' I lend twice, if no repayment, I try to avert a third experience.
 

Dan German

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Here’s a possible solution:
1-brother repays “loan”
2-grandma estate give money to someone who needs education funding help or school
#2 was the first thing I thought of. If I were the recipient, and could afford to spare the money, I would put it towards someone else’s education in the grandmother’s name. (On the assumption that no one in the family is in dire need.)

The way this discussion has gotten a bit tetchy in places (posting BTO?!? That’s mean! :p) just reminds me of what happens when people talk about money/family/estates. Not a comment on @Twofingerlou in any way, his was a valid and interesting question, just a comment on people in general (my family in particular).
 

Askwhy

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If it was a loan, it's an advance on inheritance or pay it back if it is more than he would have received, to be distributed per her written wishes. If it was a gift, that was up to her at the time as long as she was of sound mind, and no action needed. jmo
 

2HBStrat

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I think the bigger issue you all have is
your brother not taking the lead role in this.

How old id he? Fifteen? Seventeen?

If he's anything over Twelve he should have the
motivation to make a decision based on his
maturity and his own sense of duty.

Not yours, not mom's, not anybody but himself.

If he chooses not to pay it back?
Let his decision stand for the record.
If the brother was old enough and mature enough to ask for a loan he should be old enough and mature enough to pay it back to his grandmother's estate
 
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