Thoughts on this? Moral obligation?

[Twofingerlou]

After loosing my grandma a couple weeks ago we’ve been going through things and finances. She had two grandkids, myself and my brother. Well a while back she loaned my brother 1800$ for school. I wasn’t aware of this until just recently but whatever.

Discussion with my mom this evening is what should happen there? She asked if I felt cheated, which I don’t.

She asked if I thought he should pay it back which would go to my mom and uncle. He said he would if that’s what’s decided.

She asked if I felt I should get 1800$ since he did and we call it even.

I don’t need the money but I found this situation interesting.

Thoughts? Imo he borrowed it so he should pay it back.

 

[studio]

I think the bigger issue you all have is
your brother not taking the lead role in this.

How old id he? Fifteen? Seventeen?

If he's anything over Twelve he should have the
motivation to make a decision based on his
maturity and his own sense of duty.

Not yours, not mom's, not anybody but himself.

If he chooses not to pay it back?
Let his decision stand for the record.

 

[Tarkus60]

I say debt is paid. That loan was between him and her and nobody else.

 

[Twofingerlou]

I think the bigger issue you all have is
your brother not taking the lead role in this.

How old id he? Fifteen? Seventeen?

If he's anything over Twelve he should have the
motivation to make a decision based on his
maturity and his own sense of duty.

Not yours, not mom's, not anybody but himself.

If he chooses not to pay it back?
Let his decision stand for the record.

He’s 31 I think, I’d have to do the math. If it were me I’d feel obligated to pay back what I had borrowed. I personally hate owing money but I’ve never been in a situation where said person was no longer with us. I borrowed x amount and it became a debt

 

[Twofingerlou]

I say debt is paid. That loan was between him and her and nobody else.

Fair enough, thought I’d pose an interesting question and see what the thought process would be.

 

[Deeve]

Some estate plans I've written have recognized certain loans to family members.
Not all families do the same thing - some say "even it out in the distribution, treating the loan as an advance on inheritance" and some say "loan is converted to gift - no payback obligation"

Unless the loan is big enough to warrant gift-tax issues, I try to let the client steer through these rocky waters - they probably know their family members better than I do.
YMMV
Peace - Deeve

 

[Twofingerlou]

Some estate plans I've written have recognized certain loans to family members.
Not all families do the same thing - some say "even it out in the distribution, treating the loan as an advance on inheritance" and some say "loan is converted to gift - no payback obligation"

Unless the loan is big enough to warrant gift-tax issues, I try to let the client steer through these rocky waters - they probably know their family members better than I do.
YMMV
Peace - Deeve

Well certainly none of this was in writing.

 

[Blackmore Fan]

I say debt is paid. That loan was between him and her and nobody else.

Yes, and to me its all about the present and the future. What's done is done. There's no reason to make life hard for all involved if nobody is in pressing need of the money. Sometimes we have to forgive.

 

[arlum]

I'm surprised at the discussion. Your grandmother became aware that one of her grandchildren was in need of financial help and chose to provide it. This was her decision made out of the goodness of her heart. She wasn't choosing one over another. She recognized one had a need and she stepped in. Who's filling your head with these greedy questions? Your grandmother was apparently a better person than those she left behind. I myself am sorry for the lose of your grandmother. She was obviously a wonderful person with a kind and giving heart. May she rest in peace. I'm sure the father was happily awaiting her.

 

[Jakedog]

Was grandma expecting to get the money back? For certain?

I know I don’t “loan” family or good friends money and ever actually expect to see it again. It’s great when it happens, but man, it’s family. And good friends and family are far too important to me to get sideways with over something as stupid as money.

I also don’t loan it unless I can afford to do without it. Because I know I’m never going to make it my life’s mission to collect it. YMMV.

 

[Twofingerlou]

I'm surprised at the discussion. Your grandmother became aware that one of her grandchildren was in need of financial help and chose to provide it. This was her decision made out of the goodness of her heart. She wasn't choosing one over another. She recognized one had a need and she stepped in. Who's filling your head with these greedy questions? Your grandmother was apparently a better person than those she left behind. I myself am sorry for the lose of your grandmother. She was obviously a wonderful person with a kind and giving heart. May she rest in peace. I'm sure the father was happily awaiting her.

Did you read my post? Filling my head with greedy questions?….Please. Did I say I felt I was owed something? No. Did I say I needed the money? No. Better person than those left behind?…. Oh boy.

I never said she chose one over another, her soul job and enjoyment was doing anything and everything for both of us for many years.

 

[Deeve]

Well certainly none of this was in writing.

Not uncommon - in those situations, I ask myself "who is my client?" and address issues, opportunities, risks and what might really be at stake.
Sometimes, it's about $1,800.
Sometimes, something else.

 

[Twofingerlou]

Was grandma expecting to get the money back? For certain?

I know I don’t “loan” family or good friends money and ever actually expect to see it again. It’s great when it happens, but man, it’s family. And good friends and family are far too important to me to get sideways with over something as stupid as money.

I also don’t loan it unless I can afford to do without it. Because I know I’m never going to make it my life’s mission to collect it. YMMV.

Your first part is an excellent question that I don’t know the answer too. I don’t know what agreement they had, I wasn’t there. I think this happened over a year ago, she passed a couple weeks ago at 87. I assume she did it because she wasn’t loaded but comfortable and able to help as she always did for us.

 

[Twofingerlou]

Not uncommon - in those situations, I ask myself "who is my client?" and address issues, opportunities, risks and what might really be at stake.
Sometimes, it's about $1,800.
Sometimes, something else.

Thanks I just asked a honest question. But I’ve already been suspected as a greedy mindset by somebody above which clearly wasn’t my point in my original post.

 

[dogmeat]

I would suggest to him that to pay it back is the right thing to do. then, let the chips fall.

either that or blow it off and forget it

or... point in his face and say naa naa poo poo and call him names for the rest of his life

 

[effzee]

I think there would have to be a few more zeros on the end of that 1800 before I'd make a fuss about it. Also, it was between her and him, who's he supposed to pay it back to? This would be a non-issue with us.

 

[Gaylord Amsterdam]

After loosing my grandma a couple weeks ago we’ve been going through things and finances. She had two grandkids, myself and my brother. Well a while back she loaned my brother 1800$ for school. I wasn’t aware of this until just recently but whatever.

Discussion with my mom this evening is what should happen there? She asked if I felt cheated, which I don’t.

She asked if I thought he should pay it back which would go to my mom and uncle. He said he would if that’s what’s decided.

She asked if I felt I should get 1800$ since he did and we call it even.

I don’t need the money but I found this situation interesting.

Thoughts? Imo he borrowed it so he should pay it back.

Quick way to split up the family in my experience, that loan was between him and your Grandma, when she passed so did the debt

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

The deal was between your brother and grandmother, not anyone else. It wasn't a business deal. It was a kindness — not a co-signed car loan or mortgage.

Even if, in the cosmic scheme of things, there's such a thing as karma, the idea that everything in life should come out even in a family ledger is unrealistic and unfair. In all likelihood, your parents spent unequal amounts raising the two of you. Should that be reflected in your inheritances?

Your grandmother knew perfectly well when she made the loan that she might not see the money again. Did she lend it for profit or love?

Your brother has already said he's willing to part with the money. If he feels honor-bound to and can afford to, he can give your mom and uncle the money.

Or he can donate $1,800 to a cause your grandmother believed in or an organization she gave to regularly — her place of worship, her local animal shelter, her union. Sounds like you have her bank book. It should be easy to figure out what she gave to.

But that's his decision. Your mom or your uncle might feel he owes them. Does he?

But whether you think $1,800 is a mountain or a molehill, I wouldn't put a cash value on generosity. Devaluing your grandmother's motives in making the loan is a poor way to remember her.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

I think there would have to be a few more zeros on the end of that 1800 before I'd make a fuss about it. Also, it was between her and him, who's he supposed to pay it back to? This would be a non-issue with us.

The dollar amount is not the point. See post 118.

 

[gkterry]

In any situation, especially with family and friends:

"It is better to be kind than be right"