The BIG Shift in life...

[Telenator]

Man, that's just where I am here, at 68 years. And it's odd looking back at times. Thanks for posting this.

It's just a little perspective that struck me some time ago and continues to play out as well into the 4th quarter, and looking forward to some over-time! I'm still recording and helping others with their music projects, but man, I still have that spirit to let 'er rip with a good band.
It's been a really good run in music and some other pursuits, and for that I'm grateful. I'm just not ready to shut it down yet. I've come to realize that I wanted to be the one to make that call. Not circumstance. Still, I remain grateful.

 

[Greg70]

I gave up on my dream of being a gigging musician about 30 years ago. I still have fantasies of making quality home recordings and play out bits of music in my head and have some song and lyric ideas but nothing comes of it. I was never a prolific songwriter anyway but I always wanted to be. I guess I haven't really "lost" anything in that regard then. But the OP's comment about moving from thinking about things that you did as opposed to things that you are going to do really hit home with me. Last year Mrs Greg70 came down with a disabling chronic illness. It changed everything in the course of a week. Her income was cut by more than half when she had to quit her job and go on disability. It's much more difficult for her to travel now and we couldn't afford to if she could. We used to do a lot of weekend trips and now those are gone. My vacation days at work are now spent taking her to doctor appointments and medical treatments. We're going to have to sell our 2 story house because she has difficulty navigating stairs now. So my happily ever after has become just living for the moment.

 

[PhoenixBill]

I’m having a hard time coming to grips with the way my life is winding down. The woman I loved died almost 11 years ago, her daughter (my stepdaughter) is caught up in substance abuse now and I haven’t heard from her in weeks; I have no idea if I will see her or my grandson this Christmas despite trying to reach out to her. Her last text was “please stop calling me”. I’m trying to date again but so far have not found a good relationship. I’m in a band at least but they want to do old music and I’m not ready to relegate myself to playing in front of 75 year olds.

 

[OmegaWoods]

Go find some young people and teach them to play in tune and in time. Pay it forward.

 

[Toto'sDad]

All good points but maybe not really related to what I was trying share. I DO listen (hence I can recount what she talked about) and I do attend to her (twice weekly phone calls and quarterly visits) all I was saying was that not being active is NOT a choice I would make for myself. I also detect in her some misgivings for her choices not to contribute... so, I'm not sure she is contented in what she chose AND in responding to @Telenator I think he is a 'doer' and should find areas where he is working toward new things as only looking back shrinks your world.

Dec 7 was not lost on me. Dec 6 is the day my father died and Dec 7 was always a HUGE day for us as kids as we were military kids. I completely agree that in 100 years none of us will be remembered... but, and this is key to my point in this thread... you don't make things and do things and build things and fix things to be remembered. You do them because you WANT to do the and have the DRIVE to get them working. It isn't for the monument, it is for the moment.

My motivation is not to be remembered when I"m gone, my motivation is to be useful while I'm here.

Humble self, failed to connect the dots properly. My post simply conveyed that whether you do something for yourself or others, time marches by, it is good when you do something of import (for yourself, or others), but does it really matter?

When it is all said and done, does sitting in a rocker whittling away on a stick, impact the world any less or greater than a guy running along by a car going twenty-five miles an hour. It probably does to the runner, maybe even two or three interested bystanders but the chipmunks won't care at all.

 

[ce24]

Keep at it....im 72 and playing more than ever..... My duo is perfect I get to play a few originals 6-8 dinner crowd home by nine...

 

[maxvintage]

About 10 years ago, I came to the startling realization that my conversations with people had become more about "what I used to do" and less about "the things I'm planning to do." The response to this appears painfully simple, so please, resist saying it. I have thoroughly covered this ground.

There were a few critical factors that lead up to this point, but by the time I realized the fundamental shift had occurred, I was already living it.

I was listening to several recordings I had done over the years with someone who never heard them before, and it really drove home the fact that I'm pretty much done. It is very likely that I have already played the best things I will ever play during the course of my life. I'm not happy about that.

What really bugs me, is that it wasn't my choice. Sometimes circumstances in our lives unfold in such a way that it's time to butcher the dead horse and put it to rest.

As a 64 year old player, opportunities to gig/play are few and far between. I can still cut and burn when necessary, but it just seems the forces around me have conspired in such a way that the effort now far exceeds the reward, and the opportunities to play with good, solid players just aren't there.

I'm not trying to go all doom and gloom here. Just an observation of another passage in life. It's kinda weird when it presents itself and the truth is driven home.

I'm proud of the music I've written and performed, but I just wish I could keep doing it.

Anyone else find themselves at this junction?

I've been lucky in that late in my career I've found a couple really great projects that it will take me a while to finish. But Covid retired me from gigging and I haven't gone back. I did a project that nvlved Irish folk music, and I took up an entirely different instrument, the flute, and am teaching myself that style, which was originally a solo art form--it would be just a fiddle, or a flute, or a piper and people dancing. I focus on learning to play this music with swing and drive and also for want of a better word musical insight. Like there is a message in the tune that I want to unlock. It's mostly meditative for me--it involves concentrating on breathng and phrasing and it's wordless. There are irish music session I could go to but I don't. It's like a private, meditative practice, which makes it sound like I'm Caine blowing his flute barefoot in the desert of the old Kung Fu show, but no, the irish tunes are usually fast and lively. But you still have to figure out how to make it speak.

I was never a singer the few songs I've written were bad. No advice, just sympathy.

 

[Telenator]

Go find some young people and teach them to play in tune and in time. Pay it forward.

I do pay it forward. I had the good fortune of having some excellent mentors in my life and I have continued to mentor others for as long as I can remember now. That's the stuff that matters. When we share what we've learned and someone else can benefit from it.

I also "pay it backward", LOL. Once a month, I'll be in line at the McDonalds Drive Thru getting my sausage burrito and coffee, and I'll pay for the car behind me. It's just something I like to do because it's unexpected and hopefully gives the guy a sense that not everyone is out there to take from you. It's a small gesture, but I enjoy it.

 

[stxrus]

One door closes and another opens. Sometimes it’s a simple opening and sometimes it’s an opening of the pod door with a whole universe out there.

 

[beep.click]

Like it says above. Every time I figure out where I'm at -- the next phase begins.

 

[mad dog]

Same thing for me. 7 years ago, I was in three bands. Quite active, gigging, rehearsing. Then two of the bands folded (various reasons), and the third has become more or less ceremonial. I thought it would be easy to hook up with new people and bands. Wrong. Were I to be interested in classic rock or metal, things would be easier for sure. But the biggest factor is age.

No one wants to play with grandpa. I've lost little if any of whatever skills I've gained through the years, but how well I play or don't seems to matter little. Even when older players are not explicitly screened out in gig/band listings, it can and does happen in person. I see it in people's eyes.

Doesn't mean I stop looking, but this has become a long-running, endless frustration. Ageism is everywhere, not just in the workplace. As a culture, we fear death and mostly reject older people. And one does not have to be much older than others in a band setting to have it happen.

 

[Andy B]

Turning 72 Sunday. Really feeling it hard this year. Last April I had a total hip replacement. Recovered slowly, by the end of summer I was doing OK. Then the right hip fell apart. Shattered me. I’m going through the whole process all over again. Surgery scheduled for mid January. In the mean time most of my favorite activities are dreams. Having hand troubles has made me lose my playing ability. Imust plug away at it. I keep reminding myself that I’m doing Ok.
Big event of the year is that my daughter is flying in tomorrow to celebrate my birthday along with myself and my wife!

 

[Bob M]

Everyone’s story seems so familiar. Just 4 short years ago I had a regular gig. My wife and I were in a new house and talking about retirement. Seems like everything was in a good place. Things unraveled pretty quickly. My wife was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and passed within 18 months. My back required spinal fusion surgery. I moved to a small house close to my daughter’s. The one constant has been playing guitar. I’m going to suggest that this thing that we all have in common is a powerful force. You have to keep on picking. Thanks to everyone here for keeping it real.

 

[telekaster1999]

I'm only 54 but yeah, I'm headed that way pretty fast. Very thoughtful post btw and very well said.

 

[kuch]

I'm about to turn 70 in January. I hear you guys, it's "tough" getting older. when the going gets tough.... I know, just another cliche....
It's great to remember the past and how it used to be. Accept it for what was and smile about the good times
I try to keep moving forward
Set some goals. Some of mine are to sustain good health and fitness-this keeps me motivated daily; get better at playing guitar, drums, and learning piano for my own enjoyment and pleasure, not anyone else's; recording some of my favorite music to the best of my ability; improving my golf game; taking good care of our cats; planning weekends and vacations; what to cook for dinner tomorrow; maintaining our household until my wife retires in 6-7 years......
My plate is full, and I am enjoying retirement

Have fun guys!

 

[getbent]

I'll just say, I have a 2 year old golden retriever. I'm busy AF.

 

[Toto'sDad]

well TD that bubble had to burst sometime, right?
and I hate to say but it's likely gonna get a lot worse
we'd best make the most out of what we got, like Frankie sez

My daughter was going to take me to see Frankie for my Birthday, but he weaseled out of showing up. Second time he's been a no-show here in town, probably won't get another chance around these parts!

 

[Bob M]

Turning 72 Sunday. Really feeling it hard this year. Last April I had a total hip replacement. Recovered slowly, by the end of summer I was doing OK. Then the right hip fell apart. Shattered me. I’m going through the whole process all over again. Surgery scheduled for mid January. In the mean time most of my favorite activities are dreams. Having hand troubles has made me lose my playing ability. Imust plug away at it. I keep reminding myself that I’m doing Ok.
Big event of the year is that my daughter is flying in tomorrow to celebrate my birthday along with myself and my wife!

I know it’s hard but hang in there. You have done it once so you know that you can do it again!

 

[Telenator]

Everyone’s story seems so familiar. Just 4 short years ago I had a regular gig. My wife and I were in a new house and talking about retirement. Seems like everything was in a good place. Things unraveled pretty quickly. My wife was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and passed within 18 months. My back required spinal fusion surgery. I moved to a small house close to my daughter’s. The one constant has been playing guitar. I’m going to suggest that this thing that we all have in common is a powerful force. You have to keep on picking. Thanks to everyone here for keeping it real.

I spent the month of January 2022 at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota and kept the nursing staff entertained through the coldest weather spell I've ever experienced. Playing guitar definitely played a role in holding my twinkies together!

 

[P Thought]

You giggers get to retire and slip back to a skill level that the rest of us have pursued since we started playing, that many of us will never reach. Lucky!