The Bee: Token Middle-Aged, Overweight Bald Guy Joins Worship Band

[JuneauMike]

"This is going to be - what's the word - oh yeah, lit!"

ODESSA, TX — Local man Brad Johnson has joined Faith Covenant's worship band, giving it the token forty-something balding guy it was sorely missing.

"I'm so stoked - wait, is that how you use that word?" said Mr. Johnson, pulling out his guitar. "Man, I love that you all wear beanies. Really covers my hairline. Let's rock!"

Though prone to doing awkward dance moves while strumming with his eyes closed, Mr. Johnson has been welcomed by the band with open arms.

"One overweight older guy is pretty standard for worship bands these days," said vocalist Sam Larkin. "We had one, but Larry had to quit last year when he had his fifth kid. It hasn't felt right ever since, so we're pretty happy to have Mr. Johnson. Plus, he sometimes brings tacos to practice."

Mr. Johnson had long harbored aspirations of being in a band, but his accounting work had always gotten in the way. "I've played guitar off and on for twenty years, but I was always afraid to take that leap," said Mr. Johnston. "I'm nervous, but I'm ready to step out of the spreadsheets and go for it. This is going to be - what's the word - oh yeah, lit!"

At publishing time, Mr. Johnson was reportedly doing that weird half-march, half-dance thing again with his eyes closed.

Token Middle-Aged, Overweight Bald Guy Joins Worship Band

ODESSA, TX — Local man Brad Johnson has joined Faith Covenant's worship band, giving it the token forty-something balding guy it was sorely missing.

babylonbee.com

 

[budglo]

"This is going to be - what's the word - oh yeah, lit!"


View attachment 1119004

ODESSA, TX — Local man Brad Johnson has joined Faith Covenant's worship band, giving it the token forty-something balding guy it was sorely missing.

"I'm so stoked - wait, is that how you use that word?" said Mr. Johnson, pulling out his guitar. "Man, I love that you all wear beanies. Really covers my hairline. Let's rock!"

Though prone to doing awkward dance moves while strumming with his eyes closed, Mr. Johnson has been welcomed by the band with open arms.

"One overweight older guy is pretty standard for worship bands these days," said vocalist Sam Larkin. "We had one, but Larry had to quit last year when he had his fifth kid. It hasn't felt right ever since, so we're pretty happy to have Mr. Johnson. Plus, he sometimes brings tacos to practice."

Mr. Johnson had long harbored aspirations of being in a band, but his accounting work had always gotten in the way. "I've played guitar off and on for twenty years, but I was always afraid to take that leap," said Mr. Johnston. "I'm nervous, but I'm ready to step out of the spreadsheets and go for it. This is going to be - what's the word - oh yeah, lit!"

At publishing time, Mr. Johnson was reportedly doing that weird half-march, half-dance thing again with his eyes closed.

Token Middle-Aged, Overweight Bald Guy Joins Worship Band

ODESSA, TX — Local man Brad Johnson has joined Faith Covenant's worship band, giving it the token forty-something balding guy it was sorely missing.

babylonbee.com

I love it. I always half wonder what some visitors think of me. Here I am almost 65 playing lead guitar . Our drummer is late 20s and WL is around 30 . Bass player just turn 60 and key board player mid 50s . Then our violin player is 18. I guess at least I’m not overweight or bald. Tbh you don’t see any gray hairs in those worship videos. Visitors are probably just glad I don’t play polka.

 

[ABetterTelePlayer]

I love it. I always half wonder what some visitors think of me. Here I am almost 65 playing lead guitar . Our drummer is late 20s and WL is around 30 . Bass player just turn 60 and key board player mid 50s . Then our violin player is 18. I guess at least I’m not overweight or bald. Tbh you don’t see any gray hairs in those worship videos. Visitors are probably just glad I don’t play polka.

Same here. Our worship team is pretty diverse in the age brackets.

We have some just over 20 all the way to late 60's. I don't think we have any in the 70's though lol

 

[Chester P Squier]

I love the Babylon Bee! Did anyone ever post a link to the article from 2017 in the Bee about a pastor who couldn't get his congregation to laugh at his jokes? He got the bass player of the praise band to slap out some Seinfeld riffs.
From the Babylon Bee

 

[JuneauMike]

I love the Babylon Bee! Did anyone ever post a link to the article from 2017 in the Bee about a pastor who couldn't get his congregation to laugh at his jokes? He got the bass player of the praise band to slap out some Seinfeld riffs.
From the Babylon Bee

Yep. Have you seen this:

The Babylon Bee Worship Song Generator

Modern worship songs are unique, thoughtful, engaging, emotionally deep and spiritually moving. They certainly don't write themselves, and trying to come up with one on your own could take a solid 10 to 15 minutes. So what do you do when you need a fresh tune for Sunday morning? Let us help with...

babylonbee.com

It's a Spinal Tap moment, for sure. (Note, the chord progressions are the same for every song)

 

[dougstrum]

Ha! I'm 70 and bald, but they still schedule me to play. It's probably because I play a tele.

 

[ABetterTelePlayer]

Ha! I'm 70 and bald, but they still schedule me to play. It's probably because I play a tele.

I always found it strange whether church peeps paint a 70+ year old or a young skinny jeans wearing pastor in bad light. It really reveals how judgemental and ignorant people can be. I think if you can play, you can play, regardless of style, gear, age or fashion style. And if we're all on the same team, this makes it even moreso. My church has an amazing pastor, he wears skinny jeans, our worship leader, also wears skinny jeans. The fact that pastors who wear skinny jeans are put down by the pharisees and cultists who disguise themselves as Christians, makes me even prouder that our church has a skinny jeans pastor!

I'm glad you're still rocking at 70 and playing a Tele. I just played my Jason Isbell Tele a couple nights ago, haven't used it at church for awhile so just played it in my bedroom, worshipped with it a bit. Rubbed it's neck a bit and told if thank you, it's serving to God is like my own, second to none and for that I love it alone. My quiet space guitar hehe As it were, anyway!

 

[dougstrum]

We're just a small church 70-80 folks, we meet in a school. The congregation ranges from babies to a few people in their 90's.
All ages are included in various worship roles. One Sunday a month is run by students; they do greeting, music, readings, prayer, setup...
An older piano player and I are like mentors for younger musicians at our church.
The church is like a body and all the parts have a function.

 

[hotraman]

Love it.
Checking in at 66 years old.
Still on the worship team, either as the Tuesday night WL, or keys/ electric / MD.
The younger WL's are amazed that an old guy like me, adapted to learning MainStage, running tracks or the click, or helping the WL with keyboard transitions between songs.
I'm the oldest player by six years. But we have a well balanced, age representation in this group.
From early 20' somethings to the old grey hair "Gandalf" on the keys

 

[JuneauMike]

We don't have a worship team at our church anymore. But when we did, it was a pretty diverse group of folks. Some were 50, some were 55, and one was 65. You know, all over the map.

 

[studio]

Ha! I'm 70 and bald, but they still schedule me to play. It's probably because I play a tele.

Maybe they think yer Joe Satriani.

 

[GoldieLocks]

I'm quickly resembling that remark. I'll be 55 in a few... I wonder if they'll give me a discount on my church coffee and muffin?

 

[scooteraz]

Gotta love the BEE.

I love the items about bassists.

Bassist shadow ban continues

Oh, and I HOPE 70 is not too old to play in the praise band….for a friend

 

[ravindave_3600]

Us:
Two retired guys in their 70s
Me (60)
One singer (50s)
Two singers (40s)
One keys player, one spare guitar player, and one spare bass player (30s)
Diversity!

 

[studio]

I'm quickly resembling that remark. I'll be 55 in a few... I wonder if they'll give me a discount on my church coffee and muffin?

You don't "need" coffee bruv.

 

[SBClose]

US...
Two retired guys, bass and rhythm, in their 70s
The bassist is the best musician on the stage, rhythm player is turned down in the house because he can't play for beans BUT he's awesome at demonstrating his open heart to God and providing an example to the folks.

50 something rhythm player (who happens to be turned up in the house)

Depending on the schedule:
The drummer is 50something or 17.
Keys could be a recently retired lady or 50 something guy (both doctors...weird)
Singers range from 17-75

Then there's me aka Brad Johnson. Like Dave, I'll be 60 in a few weeks and I'm simultaneously trying to lead worship and keep the band together while staying out of the ditch.

 

[PastorJay]

I'm playing a funeral Friday for a young man who died in a motorcycle accident. It's not the church where I'm currently located, but I've worked with many of the musicians before. When his mother asked me to play, she said it was because she didn't want the band to sound like a bunch of old people.

When I reminded her that I'm probably older than anybody in the congregation's regular worship band, she said "but you don't sound like it."

And please pray for the mother. Her name is Becky.

 

[Jakeboy]

I am 60 and the sole electric player. Bassist was 66 but he left so have need there. Drummer is pushing 60…singers run fron 20s to 60s. Worship leader on keys is 29 and the infrequent acoustic p,Ayer is in her 40s. We are all over the place but I am the rocker.

 

[scooteraz]

I'm playing a funeral Friday for a young man…she didn't want the band to sound like a bunch of old people.

When I reminded her that I'm probably older than anybody in the congregation's regular worship band, she said "but you don't sound like it."

And please pray for the mother. Her name is Becky.

Praying for Becky and her family and friends.

BTW, what does an “old“ band sound like?

 

[Dunnigan]

Playing guitar on and off for 20 years...check (30+ years)
Balding...check
40+...check (50+)
Not likely to play in a band in any other context than my church...check.

That stings a bit. At least I'm not overweight. Whew!