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Sour feelings after leaving a band

Discussion in 'Band Wagon' started by Haydenr25, Dec 14, 2012.

  1. Bartholomew3

    Bartholomew3 Friend of Leo's

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    You have to go with what makes the magic happen and move on down the road.

    Some players like to create drama - those are usually the guys who are left behind cause they can't really cut it, don't do the work, or have no feel for it.
     
  2. Matt G

    Matt G Tele-Afflicted

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    Spot on.
     
  3. Tim Armstrong

    Tim Armstrong Super Moderator Ad Free Member

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    A year ago I left my band in Maryland to move to Austin. It was time for a major change after living there for ten years (nine of them in that band). The band included my brother, and the other two folks are good friends of mine.

    I gave them over six months of lead time, and left at the slowest time of the year for gigs, so they could find a replacement.

    And with all that, there were STILL some hurt feelings! Nothing that we didn't resolve, and I did get to sit in with them several times last summer while I was home visiting, but folks just don't like to be left behind for any reason except by THEIR choice.

    Tim
     
  4. bender-freak

    bender-freak Friend of Leo's

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    For OldCane, BigWilly and Sax4Blues....

    The "dissenter" in the old thread that I mentioned will remain un-named. He was adamant in his opinion that I owed the band leader an apology and I was completely in the wrong for leaving him in a bind, NO MATTER WHAT my reasons were??!. After a few "jabs" back and forth i "told" him I was thru responding to him in any form or fashion ever. He still posts from time to time and usually exhibits the same boorish/trollish behavior to others. I'm sure the thread is still in the archives from earlier this year.

    No, I don't have him OR anyone else on an "ignore" list. I feel I can learn something from trolls, even if I learn what I DON'T want to be like, LOL.

    Bottom line, tho. My mother will ALWAYS come first, as long as she is still living. Bands are not that important to me.

    My music is no longer my source of income like it was up thru the 90's, so I can honestly say I am a "leisure/at my convenience player" these days.

    EDIT: the original post was titled "hangin' it up...longish, sorry". It was originally posted May 12, 2011 (little longer back than I thought!:oops:) if anyone cares to re-visit it and re-read the comments. Like I said the support was 100% except for the one guy.
     
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2012
  5. Haydenr25

    Haydenr25 TDPRI Member

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    Thankyou for all the replies fellas, turns out the vocalist is only doing the other band to attempt to spite me and the guitarist. He has called upon a guitarist I know and is planning on playing acoustic. Whilst we were still together as a band, he tolds us that he "hates singing to acoustic guitar". Does this make it look like he is just trying to pull something together to spite me or am I looking too deeply into this?
     
  6. BigWillyInd

    BigWillyInd Tele-Afflicted

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    At this point, any looking is too much. Just cut off the rotten part and keep going.
     
  7. Haydenr25

    Haydenr25 TDPRI Member

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    It's not easily avoidable when he advertises the page all over facebook/twitter which I use regularly. I just still fail to see why he flipped out when I tried to reason and explain my views maturely, then my drummer followed suit despite understanding when we told him.
     
  8. StarliteDeVille

    StarliteDeVille Tele-Meister

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    It sounds like their behavior should re-affirm that you did the right thing by getting out of this band. These guys don't sound like the ones you want to hop in the van with.
     
  9. Frodebro

    Frodebro Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    It sounds like he needs you more than you need him.
     
  10. Larry F

    Larry F Doctor of Teleocity Vendor Member

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    In everything that you do, always try to make yourself look as good as possible. Even when faced with a bad situation, always try to respond in a way that makes you look as good as possible. It helps to separate the real you (the inner you), from the professional you. Your number one priority is to make the professional look as professional, competent, talented, fair, honest, calm, caring, etc. as possible. This means no jabs, digs, bad-mouthing, back-stabbing, leaving in a lurch, burning bridges, etc.

    I'm not even remotely suggesting that you did anything wrong or inadvisedly; I'm just taking this chance to help you develop your professional chops. I remember hearing a comedian say that when you are on a first date with a woman, your main task is to be the ambassador of you.

    That said, there can be an awful lot of fun in gossiping, sharing tales from the road, etc. with the right group of people. But before you did that, make sure your professional image is rock solid and your career established enough that you can let down your hair and share war stories. But, if you find yourself spending too much of the conversation justifying yourself, this is how you know you aren't ready to relax in that way yet.

    It sounds like you did everything right and for the right reasons. We all have been through crap situations like that, and it is not always easy to maintain (and raise) your standards. But don't let yourself be held back. I think you did a good job on this.
     
  11. Haydenr25

    Haydenr25 TDPRI Member

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    Thankyou for the insight. I tried to come across as professional as I could, both members said whatever they liked and talked for however long, the drummer attempted to change my guitarist's mind. We were both set on leaving, we didn't cut him off verbally or anything, just waited until he finished. There was nothing personal said to the singer nor the drummer, it was strictly about the music and in the long term we feel we won't get anywhere we're going to end it now before things could turn ugly further down the road.
     
  12. Old Cane

    Old Cane Poster Extraordinaire

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    You're really overthinking this. You left a job. If you worked for firestone or citibank would they be giving you crap? Generally "true" businesses throw you a party and wish you well with some parting gifts, not parting shots.

    Sour feelings? Who cares? Move on and forget them. If you though they were friends you were wrong. Is this the only time you've been wrong in your life?
     
  13. Haydenr25

    Haydenr25 TDPRI Member

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    I don't have time to reply to everyone unfortunately. I met up with the drummer for an hour yesterday and talked things over, he agrees that the singer is only trying to spite me with his new band. It seems he is alright now, but doesn't speak to my guitarist.
     
  14. charlie chitlin

    charlie chitlin Doctor of Teleocity Silver Supporter

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    I'm in a band with a front man who even my 12-year-old son calls "your high-maintenance girlfriend." He's jealous, competitive, slightly sneaky, needy....and I'm about to break up wit.....I mean...leave his band for a much cooler situation.
    Almost guaranteed to be ugly and cause hard feelings.
    Wish me luck.
     
  15. Mid Life Crisis

    Mid Life Crisis Poster Extraordinaire

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    Good luck mate!

    True though, being in a band does have parallels with relationships.
     
  16. bendecaster

    bendecaster Friend of Leo's

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    OP- You did the right thing. Now, let it be. You can't stop or change someone elses behavior.

    Charlie- Run, don't walk, to the nearest exit and keep running from this bozo. First, make sure you block him from your facebook account. Maybe, change your phone number too!
     
  17. telequacktastic

    telequacktastic Tele-Afflicted

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    Some rock stars turn into hard working, team player oriented musicians that would fit into any working band. Some of 'em are just born rock stars...
     
  18. McGlamRock

    McGlamRock Poster Extraordinaire

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    could be worse... could be a female singer frontman/woman :lol:
     
  19. charlie chitlin

    charlie chitlin Doctor of Teleocity Silver Supporter

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    You think so?
    Ex-con, Marine combat vet, former bodybuilder whom, I suspect, did too many steroids...HARMONICA PLAYER!!!!
    Good thing I'm a bad mofo. :twisted:
     
  20. Space Pickle

    Space Pickle Tele-Meister

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    You must be referring to the hilarious Dave Chapelle!
     
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