Sobriety

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Rockdog, Jan 2, 2020.

  1. L.A. Mike

    L.A. Mike Tele-Afflicted

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    To the OP:

    Blacking out when drinking can have several causes. No food recently, drinking too fast (due to peer pressure or just excitement), a medical problem, being dehydrated, or maybe a deeper problem having to do with your life.
    Only you can decide what is going on. The people here at TDPRI may try to help you, but this is something you need to figure out. Otherwise, some day you may have a few drinks, black out and wake up in jail or worse, in the hospital.

    Not everybody is an alcoholic, some people just make bad decisions occasionally. You don't sound like an alcoholic based on your post.
    Binge drinking is more common than people realize and causes most of the DUI's that people get and the wreaks and injury and deaths that sometimes happen due to overindulgence. If anyone doubts this, ask a DUI lawyer. They will tell you the same thing. And statistics back it up. Sometimes, people just overdue it at a party or restaurant or whatever. Most people who get DUI's aren't alcoholics even though there are certain anti-alcohol groups who imply otherwise. That leads to some people thinking alcohol should be banned again.

    A real alcoholic has serious problems. They feel they have lost control and many times can't stop regardless of their desire to. That is when intervention is required.
    Making a decision to "never drink again" is usually not a good idea because most people don't stick to it. It is just easier to say, I'm sober and plan on staying that way today.

    Being a responsible spouse and parent are some of the most important things in our lives. It's good you are considering the effect this may have on your family.

    As a AA counselor once said in a meeting I was at: "intoxication is overrated, being sober is the best way to be".
    I agree.
     
  2. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

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    I agree, not everybody who drinks alcohol is an alcoholic, that is self evident.

    As for binge drinkers -- what fraction of them are alcoholics? Rather than debate the definition of alcoholism, which is where that usually goes, let's think about the situations when drinking leads to negative outcomes -- like DUI, as you mentioned. Even if you aren't an alcoholic, as it is medically defined, do you want your drinking to lead to negative outcomes? Not me.
     
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  3. Skub

    Skub Poster Extraordinaire

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    Happy birthday man!

    It has taken me 20 more years than you to realise I need to step away from alcohol. I can't drink in moderation,I just drink.

    My incentive is remembering how tired/demotivated/sick I feel after I drink and knowing just how great I feel when I don't. That's good enough for me. Alcohol doesn't give the same buzz as you age,plus the payback is out of proportion.

    I just quit myself,but you need to do what's best for you because there is no 'one size fits all' remedy.

    Best wishes Rockdog.
     
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  4. mikestearns

    mikestearns Tele-Meister

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    For me, and I was definitely a binge drinker, it came down to a really simple question - is my drinking causing negative consequences in my life? The answer was yes. I don't think I'm an alcoholic, but doing the mental gymnastics of am I or am I not an alcoholic was in the end just allowing me to lie to myself that my drinking wasn't a big deal. Never underestimate the power of denial and your ability to lie to yourself.
     
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  5. L.A. Mike

    L.A. Mike Tele-Afflicted

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    Not everyone who drinks, drinks to excess or irresponsibly. Some people order a drink and that's it, and some don't even finish it. Others may have 1 or more and do just fine. Lots of people enjoy drinking occasionally and should be allowed to do that whenever they want.
    Binge drinking (especially drinking until drunk or passed out) is a problem that should be dealt with IF it is causing problems for that individual.
    I don't feel society should interfere with an individual's choice of whether or not to have a drink. Prohibition didn't work.
    As far as "lead to negative outcome", that's not a hard and fast rule. The same thing could be said for driving a car, sometimes things go wrong.

    I choose not to drink because I realized that I can't have the life I want if I drink. So I don't. But I don't preach that to others. That is a personal decision that each person must make.
    We are humans and we must make decisions for ourselves. We can't survive in a world where we can't decide what is best for ourselves. Humans don't do well in controlled environments where the decision making process is taken from them. Like Jail for example.
     
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  6. markeyd123

    markeyd123 Tele-Meister

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    Or this one:

     
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  7. Rockdog

    Rockdog Tele-Afflicted

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    Thank you, Skub! It's becoming more and more apparent for certain conditions, be it alcoholism or whatever, that labels fall short. As you said, there's no 'one size fits all' definition, or remedy for that matter. Alcohol misuse (not a label, but rather the act) exists on a continuum or spectrum. That's why the DSM doesn't recognize 'Alcoholism' as a condition; it has far too broad of a criteria set.

    This was some of the insight I gleaned from a conversation I just had with my cousin over my lunch break. He's been in recovery for years (so was his father and so was my father--they're brothers--see the pattern) and we agreed we're going to check in with each other daily. He doesn't see a need yet for me to seek professional help, but rather to be mindful and keep a close eye on it, which I'm doing.
     
  8. Mechanic

    Mechanic Friend of Leo's

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    I’m 68 this month, I’d quit somewhere around my 24 th Bday. I wasn’t blackout drunk but a nasty one, being I could take on the world. My poor 1st wife. After getting the snot beat out of me and an ER trip was enough to convince me to quit. That being said, I still cook with it for flavors I can’t find anywhere else. Beer for a beef stew, red wines for marinara, white for some seafoods pan sauce. Rum or bourbon for a home made vanilla.
    Non alchy beers for pizza and tacos.
    When it was time for school and study and work, I gave up other recreational drugs to keep my OCD & ADD mind on the straight and narrow. Life’s been good.
    I keep a sizer of Guinness in the outside fridge for stews and drunken chicken. The O’Doules and Guinness Caliber, both ambers, are for me and the wife with our dinners.
    Enjoy your life with no regrets. If you need help find it. This is a good start in admitting it.
     
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  9. HotRodSteve

    HotRodSteve Friend of Leo's

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    “First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.” ―F. Scott Fitzgerald
     
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  10. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

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    For the record, no one is suggesting prohibition, are they?
     
  11. L.A. Mike

    L.A. Mike Tele-Afflicted

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    No. I was making a statement of fact, an example.
    I thought it was clear, maybe not.
    My point is, it usually doesn't work if society imposes it's collective will on people's right to choose. A decision made by an individual regarding their own life is always preferable to one made by others for that individual's "benefit".
     
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  12. Northern Tele

    Northern Tele Tele-Meister

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    Alcohol is such a huge part of the culture at least where I live and grew up that stopping drinking is like a revolutionary act.

    Funny how are the great friends and bandmates seem to disappear after you stop and then you realize that you just have a lot of drinking buddies and aquaintences not true friends.

    There are more important things in life than being 'one of the boys',fitting in and socializing.

    Since I have quit for many years now, boozing is something that I kind of associate with adolescence. People that still get routinely falling down drunk, puking etc. that are in their 40s and 50s...it is ruining your health,you can't do that stuff that you did when you were in your 20s and bounce back.


    I never tell others what to do, we make our choices in this life and I also have the right to do what is best for me and if it bothers someone that I am not drinking(which baffles me why do they care?) it is their problem.
     
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  13. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

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    That's fine, but since you did it in a reply to my post, it's like you're implying I want society to impose prohibition.

    On the other hand, society can and should think of the greater good. A individual only becomes a human when they are part of a society.
     
  14. Telecaster88

    Telecaster88 Tele-Holic

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    I was a binge drinker with a death wish when I was younger. Ran into serious health problems in my mid-twenties that led me to quit. I thankfully was able to quit cold turkey and didn't miss it.

    About twenty years later I was dating a much younger woman who liked to drink, not crazy, but socially, and I tried a bit of booze again a few times. But I realized I would never let myself drink again to the point of drunkenness, and frankly to me that was always the whole point of drinking, so it just didn't make sense anymore. That was ten years ago or so. Nowadays I will have a glass of wine if somebody serves it with a meal, but I won't ask for it.

    Best wishes to everybody out there struggling.
     
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  15. stratoman1

    stratoman1 Friend of Leo's

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    I'm pushing 60 now, quit drinking 20 years ago

    In all my years on this planet I have yet to hear anyone say they wished they had never quit drinking

    Think about that
     
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  16. RB522

    RB522 Tele-Meister

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    Nobody can tell you if your need help, that call has to come from you. By all means, try stopping on your own, but don't be too proud to ask for help if that fails. You are not alone, although it may feel like it at times. I've been sober for 39 years, so if I can be of help, don't hesitate to PM me.
     
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  17. jrblue

    jrblue Friend of Leo's

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    Rockdog, thanks so much for the honest post. Only you can determine your own truth, but when we're dealing with substances that impair us, we have to recognize the limits to our own judgment. I can't tell you what'a right, or right for you, but I would point out a few realities crying for recognition. Blacking out. Honesty, it doesn't make any difference if you were hungry, or if this, that, or some other thing contributed. Blacking out is as big a warning sign as there is. Anything contributing to blackouts has to stop. Drinking 'til the alcohol is gone is also a major indicator of a problem. When you face it, it's pretty obvious, isn't it? I just keep reaching for more? How can that possibly be right? Though there's comfort in the spacing of these binges, that does not indicate control because there's always a next binge. The periodic recurrence shows loss of control, not the presence of it. I know alcohol all too well, but this is not my story. But the truth of alcohol use, which other casual or even frequent users will never, ever agree to, is that whether it's love of, dependence on, habitual use of, alcoholism (an undefined "disease"), or addiction is vicious and common, is enabled by others who want company and approval for their own drinking, and is far, far harder to overcome than anyone would suggest, because for many it has gone far beyond being a choice or matter of will -- because it's an addiction. Owning yourself as you have done here is incredible and is a step few people can make. I hope you listen to yourself, recognize what you are saying, and make the change you need. The world enables drunks even as it looks down on them, and sadly has little time for those struggling to sustain sobriety. Even so, the reward is life itself, and may you find your own good way.
     
  18. Rockdog

    Rockdog Tele-Afflicted

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    Beautifully stated, jrblue! Thanks so much!
     
  19. Hey_you

    Hey_you Tele-Meister

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    upload_2020-1-3_21-40-2.jpeg hehe, JK
     
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  20. edvard

    edvard Tele-Afflicted

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    I am 49 years old as of this last October. I am also 30 years clean & sober in the same month. I'm not here to tell you what to do, as others have already given you wise advice. I am simply here to tell you that I was once in your shoes (similar habits, but much younger), and it is possible to get sober, stay sober, and stay sober for a long time. That habit does not have to be a demon always breathing down your neck, waiting for you to slip up. The longer you stay sober, the easier it gets, and as long as you can define a solid reason for not picking it back up, you can beat the temptation to do so. There have been times when I've said to myself that "it's been so long, I'm a different person now, one drink socially won't hurt", but I know myself too well to fall for that one. :twisted:
     
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