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Sober 2021

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by HotRodSteve, Dec 31, 2020.

  1. swervinbob

    swervinbob Tele-Afflicted

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    And if you go with your buddies to the bar, water is free. Just count the money at the end of the night when they’re buying round after round.
     
  2. telemnemonics

    telemnemonics Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Hahaha my wife probably wishes I wouldn't yell at the TV, even stone cold sober!

    I know that much of the attraction of drinking is to lower inhibitions.
    Some of us are truly shy while others are only a little bit shy like maybe when we want to talk to a romantic interest.
    And many are a little shy in large groups of people we don't know.

    Aside from those with a diagnosed mental illness in the anxiety area, there are ways to control our inhibitions, and also value to having inhibitions.
    For example when a really huge guy on a mission, or a police officer, tells us to move aside, that's a good time to have controlled inhibitions!

    But when we see the girl (or guy) of our dreams, it's useful to have developed some skills in inhibitions control.
    Liquid courage obviously has limits, and even without obvious problems in life, a lack of courage (or surge of inhibitions) in critical life situations kind of hobbles our potential.

    If rather than develop and refine control of our natural inhibitions at an early age, we instead use alcohol to control them, we get some potentially negative side effects! We often make this choice right at the difficult juncture of turning into adults, with crazy hormonal shifts and urges, but no skills in managing them.

    So for example we may only even talk to drunk ladies in bars, (or at drinking parties) resulting in only having relationships based significantly around drinking lifestyles.
    Drinking lifestyles can be fun but start working less well when kids and career demand more of us.
    We may never ask for a raise, or even never aim higher in career, because we're afraid to walk through the discomfort of uncertainty, and the possibility of rejection, poor performance or failure. (I'm only talking about those who "have a problem", not all who drink)
    Then of course some of us have problems like getting into fights when the inhibitions are locked in the off setting, or driving when drinking, and even fighting with police when they try to protect us from our own drunken state.

    Plenty of us drink and never have any of those problems.
    Also, plenty of us quit drinking but still can't talk to a potential romantic interest we really really like.

    The first time I went to a dance, clean & sober?
    Horrifying!
    No way I was going to make a fool of myself stomping around waving my arms or whatever the hell the average guy does on the dance floor!

    But over time I learned that it's OK to dance funny looking, and letting go of fear of being judged is both possible sober, and also liberating. Plus oddly enough, many women like seeing a sober man cavorting happily while also being capable of sensible conversation.

    There's a whole lot to like about not choosing to pursue women when we are all drunk!
    Still maybe a bit scary, but WTH, she likes me or she doesn't like me, and that's generally not about me, so I needn't feel bad if I'm not what any given woman is looking for.
    Then long term use of alcohol to deal with relationship stress is the road to hell. For the couple and especially any kids involved.

    Trying to develop neglected life skills at 30-40-50 is a challenge.
    That's why there are 12 step programs where we have the option of finding someone who walked the same path but solved the same problems ~ten years prior. Even just seeing and believing that they walked through growing up a little at 40 might be enough.

    Or we can just make the best of blowing off steam with a bottle until it no longer works at all, and the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing.
    The option is always there..
     
  3. telemnemonics

    telemnemonics Telefied Ad Free Member

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    I would not recommend it to those newly sober, but my first year, 1998, I went to a bar every week to play some loud guitar for the drunk patrons. I had two others with me who were also clean & sober, one was the singer, so it was pretty safe.
    Playing music was too important to my sense of self and self esteem to just abandon.
    Or that's what I felt at the time.

    I'm not sure I'd suggest anybody newly sober keep going to bars with their drinking buddies if they're only there to drink!
    Making new friends might be hard though, if all your friends hit the bar for their evening fun.

    My old man chose to sit drinking cokes in a bar every weekend after he got sober.
    But he never seemed to move on and get his former vitality back, with one foot in the bar and the other feeling around in the river of life, seemingly not finding a solid footing in either place.
     
  4. Chicago Matt

    Chicago Matt Friend of Leo's

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    In my experience, if you're thinking about living clean and sober, you probably need to. It's the best decision I ever made for sure, whether it's about music, relationships, work or health. This link goes to a long thread, but is one full of experience and encouragement. It's doable and not difficult if you're willing to do a few simple things. I wish you the best, and thanks for sharing this!
    https://www.tdpri.com/threads/is-anybody-else-in-recovery-or-clean-and-sober.263559/
     
  5. Cyberi4n

    Cyberi4n Tele-Meister

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    Sober for the next three months whilst I do the first part of the Fast800. After that, well we’ll see...
     
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  6. telemnemonics

    telemnemonics Telefied Ad Free Member

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    I hadn't visited that thread in a while, glad you linked it here!
    It doesn't show up in new posts or today's posts because now the system doesn't put old/ zombie threads at the top any more.
    Same with many build threads like "What's on your workbench today?".
    Maybe i should hit the follow thread button?
    Might be just as well I only see it by chance too...

    We all need to be careful how we post in these discussions!
    Trying to live better is an accepted topic.
    Detailing living badly falls into banned stuff, as does specific products and our opinions on them.
    These discussions can be very beneficial, and family well being is a family friendly topic as long as we keep it clean!
     
    Frodebro likes this.
  7. Mjark

    Mjark Doctor of Teleocity Silver Supporter

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    This is my 33rd year. I have no regrets whatsoever.
     
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  8. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Yesterday was my twenty third year on the wagon. If you're going to drink, you'd better have a card.

    [​IMG]
     
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  9. 3-Chord-Genius

    3-Chord-Genius Poster Extraordinaire

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    I mentioned hangovers earlier, and I think I want to expand on this. A girl I knew years ago was sharing an apartment with some other students, and one night the pilot light went out on their gas furnace. That was supposed to shut the gas off, but it didn't. Fortunately, a passerby smelled the gas from the hallway and was able to wake everybody up and get them out. The girl I mentioned said she had such an extreme headache that she was screaming in pain. What happened was that they were being poisoned, but the process was thankfully stopped before it could kill them. But she definitely noticed the hangover from almost being poisoned to death.

    When you're drinking alcohol, you're poisoning yourself. The mechanism that prevents you from dying, usually, is that you either pass out or you puke. And the next day, you feel terrible because you were poisoned.

    I believe both things I just mentioned are exactly the same process, but with a different poison.
     
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2021
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  10. posttoastie

    posttoastie Tele-Afflicted

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  11. telemnemonics

    telemnemonics Telefied Ad Free Member

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    So how's day two going?
    Asking for a friend!
     
  12. olewaylonfan74

    olewaylonfan74 TDPRI Member

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    Sober for 43 yrs now.
     
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  13. richiek65

    richiek65 Friend of Leo's

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    Since April, I now avoid drinking at home unless it's a special occasion. I'll have a drink if I go out somewhere, but I don't go out that much. Previously would go thru a bottle of wine, sometimes more, at home most nights of the week. The festive season has seen a minor disruption to this approach but getting ready to get back into the groove after this week, which involves a week away with the family and lots of dining out and hotel stays.

    All power to those going for sobriety
     
  14. HotRodSteve

    HotRodSteve Poster Extraordinaire

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    So far so good. Going to a card game tonight where the wine usually flows but I'm gonna be okay. I'll report back later.
     
  15. Jackroadkill

    Jackroadkill Tele-Holic

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    I've been sober since May 28th 1994; May 27th 1994 was the day I very nearly killed myself with alcohol and had to be revived by my brother.

    After I gave it up I realised I hated drinking anyway.

    If you want to be sober, you will be sober. Wishing strength to all who decide to abstain.
     
  16. telemnemonics

    telemnemonics Telefied Ad Free Member

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    I’m guessing you’re one who is not making a wreck of you life with the drinking, just choosing to lay off it for a while?
     
  17. daveIT

    daveIT Tele-Holic

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    PA, USA
    Thought about it, but I've had beers both days so far...
     
  18. jayroc1

    jayroc1 Tele-Meister

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    vancouver
    I just stopped Jan 1. I'm still going to be fun to be around. Just won't be an idiot that took drinking too far. I'd rather be a DD than not hearing back from friends
     
    telemnemonics likes this.
  19. jondanger

    jondanger Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

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    I stopped June 1st this year after drinking almost every day for years. I had done sober January a couple years in a row, and I didn’t drink for a couple months once when my wife and I had some difficulties, but aside from that I had been pretty steady for years.

    I can say with certainty everything has been better since I stopped. My relationships with my wife and kids, with my mom and sister have been more meaningful and open. I’m reading more. I’m writing more songs. I don’t miss it at all. Some people can have a few drinks at the end of the week and it’s not a problem for them. I’m not that kind of person, and I’m glad that I figured that out while it was still worth doing something about it.
     
  20. jrblue

    jrblue Friend of Leo's

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    I'm not wishing anyone good luck with their sobriety. As the child of two alcoholics, the horrors I expoerienced were such that sobriety has beern easy for me because the alternative--intoxication and what follows--frightens me to my bones. Let's not kid ourselves: virtually everyone who suspects they have a problem with alcohol absolutely does. Thinking of alcohol as something terrible and demonizing it does not work for alcoholics because they know they love--and I mean love--alcohol. Until you accept the horrible attractiveness of alcohol to an addict, you're just minimizing the extent and nature of the challenge. I admire the true courage of alcoholics who maintain sobriety, and particularly those who recognize the potent attraction of alcohol yet find ways to set that aside in favor of sobriety.
     
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