snubbed, slighted, rackets, backroom deals, cults of personalities.... the concept of fair...

howlin

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One of the guys on my team was telling me about how in high school, his baseball coach just ignored him and never game him a chance and could only see him one way and how it still kind of bugged him. He said that when he sees things at work or in his regular life that he thinks are like that, it makes it all come back and it bugs him.

I just kind of listened. You can't salve an old wound, it is just a scar, right? And I thought back to several different episodes in my own life where I felt snubbed or there was a backroom deal to keep me out or I saw someone vilified or destroyed by comments (true or not) that were expanded to make the person an outcast.

In little league, the all star teams were always a popularity contest as was the the political process at school for kids who ran for office. The whole clique thing was so huge when I went to school. I was lucky because I played sports, but unlucky because I was good in school and genuinely enjoyed subjects, spent a lot of time in the library and... wore glasses.

My nickname in Junior High was 'poindexter'. My biggest memory of being called that was playing football in 9th grade (still junior high) and just dropping the hammer on a guy (I was a safety) and the most brutal hitter (and tough guy) Tony Cron came up and pulled me off the ground laughing and screaming 'thats the way to kick some ass POINDSY!' and just roaring.

I could see how awful it all was. Some people get a pass, some people get crushed, a lot of people got ignored.

When I became a coach, I got pretty consistent pressure about this kid or that and I just refused to listen to it. I tried really hard to be fair and do the best I could. I think in a long coaching career, I feel bad about two different kids for different reasons. About 10 years ago, I found them and apologized and both laughed and said, 'I thought you were fair!' and 'Coach, hey, I thought so and so was better than me too.' but, it still bugs me, was it cult of personality that I played into?

The don henley line always creeps in to my head
Now I look at the years gone by,
And wonder at the powers that be.
I don't know why fortune smiles on some
And lets the rest go free


The world seems so loaded with so many raw deals, I feel bad knowing so many people are walking around knowing the game is fixed against them and I cannot tell them they are wrong.

Your Thoughts?
It's called karma and it can be a b*tch. That's all I got . . .
 

getbent

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WRT @Obsessed maybe true, but I think in addition to just time spent on forums, there is a shift in society that plays out on forums and we see happening.

Maybe less music and more consumerism.
Less friendly kindness and more trolling for somebody to attack and beat down.
Less value of respect and more value of paranoia.
I was less and less attracted to this place over the last bunch of months and spent less time here.
Then I got my first ban and lived without this for two weeks.

Now and then something interesting gets discussed but most chat is just consumer reports, and the few interesting things I’m now kind of afraid to speak freely even as I’ve managed to discuss stuff here without ever getting banned for 12 years. Now I can’t be certain of what will get me in trouble.

I really have no interest in being a troublemaker and if I want steak I’m not ordering it in a vegetarian joint.
But trouble trip wires are harder to see, while general environment is going kinda Wal Mart.
I can relate to @Obsessed on the choice to shift priorities.

I think we are just provided a different set of perspectives to choose from... and we can zoom out and see the whole elephant.

As to Obsessed (one of my favorite people) users come and go, I was gone for a couple of years when I was extra busy and just needed a break. I think the Good Texan is on a break. All awesome people, I don't think it is anything inherent in the forum, just time and place and circumstance.

My friend came by (he does every day) and he said, 'damn, your truck looks nice!' and I told him I'm in car mode right now, and shifting to welding mode... once that is done, I'll be in luthier mode and cabin remodel mode, then HO Train mode and so on. I tend to be a busy person, but, I have learned not to force it, go with your passion and what you actually WANT to do and do it like crazy and when it gets old... let it go.

As for being controversial, the world keeps changing (and staying the same) but what used to be 'okay' is now 'omg'... the rules shift as we play this game. If you get a comeuppance, take a second to review the new rules and get back out there.

As a wise poster once wrote--> if you want good, interesting threads, you may have to start them.
 

telemnemonics

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I think we are just provided a different set of perspectives to choose from... and we can zoom out and see the whole elephant.

As to Obsessed (one of my favorite people) users come and go, I was gone for a couple of years when I was extra busy and just needed a break. I think the Good Texan is on a break. All awesome people, I don't think it is anything inherent in the forum, just time and place and circumstance.

My friend came by (he does every day) and he said, 'damn, your truck looks nice!' and I told him I'm in car mode right now, and shifting to welding mode... once that is done, I'll be in luthier mode and cabin remodel mode, then HO Train mode and so on. I tend to be a busy person, but, I have learned not to force it, go with your passion and what you actually WANT to do and do it like crazy and when it gets old... let it go.

As for being controversial, the world keeps changing (and staying the same) but what used to be 'okay' is now 'omg'... the rules shift as we play this game. If you get a comeuppance, take a second to review the new rules and get back out there.

As a wise poster once wrote--> if you want good, interesting threads, you may have to start them.
A forum can just like a nice camping spot, stay the same nice spot decade after decade and you can even hang out there with old and new friends, but growing mobs change how enjoyable it is to be there.

On internet guitar forums it seems the past couple of years plus longer but in particular the two years folks stuck at home had nothing to do but shop online and talk about their collections, it seems glib consumerism is the bulk of the campers while there’s also a noisy handful of trolling hate and bile distributors at every campsite.
Bile spewing gets shut down AFTER the stew is ruined.

Similar to how some say these days that they can only take just so much news, I’m finding my tolerance of or appetite for big $$ consumerism; and trolling with banned topics makes no thread topic enjoyable, if always an inch from trolls shutting it down, or just rampant glib consumer bragging.

Maybe Im offensively unfair?
Shopping for guitars like money grows on trees in times like these?
Yeah I need to lighten up!
But again, this campground has changed too.
As has the wealthy western world.
I’m still glad to enjoy western civilization comforts but less attracted to the growing “us” of western civilization.
 

getbent

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A forum can just like a nice camping spot, stay the same nice spot decade after decade and you can even hang out there with old and new friends, but growing mobs change how enjoyable it is to be there.

On internet guitar forums it seems the past couple of years plus longer but in particular the two years folks stuck at home had nothing to do but shop online and talk about their collections, it seems glib consumerism is the bulk of the campers while there’s also a noisy handful of trolling hate and bile distributors at every campsite.
Bile spewing gets shut down AFTER the stew is ruined.

Similar to how some say these days that they can only take just so much news, I’m finding my tolerance of or appetite for big $$ consumerism; and trolling with banned topics makes no thread topic enjoyable, if always an inch from trolls shutting it down, or just rampant glib consumer bragging.

Maybe Im offensively unfair?
Shopping for guitars like money grows on trees in times like these?
Yeah I need to lighten up!
But again, this campground has changed too.
As has the wealthy western world.
I’m still glad to enjoy western civilization comforts but less attracted to the growing “us” of western civilization.
I think you are hearing what you hear. I just don't hear it. we can train our ears when to perk up and when to keep moving. typically, the stuff that annoys me, i try to avoid OR I try re=entertaining it and seeing if maybe my thoughts might be adjusted.
 

telemnemonics

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I think you are hearing what you hear. I just don't hear it. we can train our ears when to perk up and when to keep moving. typically, the stuff that annoys me, i try to avoid OR I try re=entertaining it and seeing if maybe my thoughts might be adjusted.
Or I’m hearing what I feel, and in general I probably feel too much of the world around me.
Some world stuff I guess I also feel that everyone else should feel.
Not just keep replacing human concerns with finance solutions.
Or seeing the world like a FB post.

My ability to filter out the world around me varies, and maybe my filter needs to be upgraded for the times.
Which is one reason some just move into the woods.
Yeah that ain’t it either!
 

Skully

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A forum can just like a nice camping spot, stay the same nice spot decade after decade and you can even hang out there with old and new friends, but growing mobs change how enjoyable it is to be there.

I'm not sure, because there was a crash and reset at some point that erased my original arrival date, but I believe I started posting here circa 1998. It's hard to believe I've been here nearly a quarter of a century.
 

getbent

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Or I’m hearing what I feel, and in general I probably feel too much of the world around me.
Some world stuff I guess I also feel that everyone else should feel.
Not just keep replacing human concerns with finance solutions.
Or seeing the world like a FB post.

My ability to filter out the world around me varies, and maybe my filter needs to be upgraded for the times.
Which is one reason some just move into the woods.
Yeah that ain’t it either!
The world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers;—
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!
This Sea that bares her bosom to the moon;
The winds that will be howling at all hours,
And are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers;
For this, for everything, we are out of tune;
It moves us not. Great God! I’d rather be
A Pagan suckled in a creed outworn;
So might I, standing on this pleasant lea,
Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn;
Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea;
Or hear old Triton blow his wreathèd horn.
 

telemnemonics

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The world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers;—
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!
This Sea that bares her bosom to the moon;
The winds that will be howling at all hours,
And are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers;
For this, for everything, we are out of tune;
It moves us not. Great God! I’d rather be
A Pagan suckled in a creed outworn;
So might I, standing on this pleasant lea,
Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn;
Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea;
Or hear old Triton blow his wreathèd horn.
And how many centuries has civilization advanced since that sentiment was so aptly expressed?

Civilization or just attrition?

Woe is meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Or tired ‘r’ us…
 

Toto'sDad

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Feeling? The windshield feels nothing when it hits a dragonfly going 60 miles an hour. The dragonfly, only an instant later feels nothing at all either. A chance encounter and one of these two objects is changed forever. How does karma play into this? Do feelings matter? Old films fade of people dancing, just as the dancers themselves fade from the memory of history. What is thought of today as good and proper, may be something else altogether in a hundred years, the only thing permanent is change.
 

getbent

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Feeling? The windshield feels nothing when it hits a dragonfly going 60 miles an hour. The dragonfly, only an instant later feels nothing at all either. A chance encounter and one of these two objects is changed forever. How does karma play into this? Do feelings matter? Old films fade of people dancing, just as the dancers themselves fade from the memory of history. What is thought of today as good and proper, may be something else altogether in a hundred years, the only thing permanent is change.
since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;

wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world

my blood approves,
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. Don’t cry
– the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids’ flutter which says

we are for each other; then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life’s not a paragraph

And death i think is no parenthesis
 

1955

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I’ll take the blows of chance, because I strive for a worthy goal. My belief that there will be accountability, and my eyes opened to the beautiful order of ages at the end of it all, enables me to keep getting back up, as long as breath burns out of my lips.

I live according to my standard, and don’t concern myself with the current slew of popular ideas that justify a standard that I know from experience is very low.

My wrestling coach taught me to “suck it up and go,” and that’s what I’ve always done. I believe all will be reconciled, revealed, equalized. It happens all around me when I choose to see it.

I’ve connected enough dots to spot the grifters of conscience, the masters of pitiful human achievement, the lightbulb heads of empty fusses. A shift or leveraging of human rivers, passions, strivings, fears, they are boxed up on Formica, acetylene vittles for the torching.

I have a plan, and I trust in that plan, because it goes beyond me, and I am destroyed and sacrificed in the plan.

Meaning, my life and efforts are for others, to serve others. Anything bold enough to snub me as my footsteps carve the line might also see where their path stacks up against the billions before them.

Perhaps a wistful memory that speckles a teardrop, a staggered glimpse between headlights and dinner, a harrowing moment of snore-gasping in the night, at something somebody might do or not do to them somewhere.

I don’t have to keep score because I’m nowhere between bleachers or the mats, I have crossed over, and my mother’s fingers through my hair gave me comfort, so I have known comfort.

B538F5FD-3CA8-42A6-86E0-731D8722198B.jpeg
 

Toto'sDad

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since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;

wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world

my blood approves,
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. Don’t cry
– the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids’ flutter which says

we are for each other; then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life’s not a paragraph

And death i think is no parenthesis

None of it matters, we will continue, or we won't. If we're not here, we nor anyone else will probably notice. I enjoy life as much as I can, but I'm not convinced there is any order to it. There are 43 million people who are scratching their head and wondering, why? I hope the sun shines on us all.

Lots of things, you think have meaning, just cease to exist, when you're a hundred miles from nowhere alone and broke, hoping to get a ride in either direction.
 

getbent

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None of it matters, we will continue, or we won't. If we're not here, we nor anyone else will probably notice. I enjoy life as much as I can, but I'm not convinced there is any order to it. There are 43 million people who are scratching their head and wondering, why? I hope the sun shines on us all.

Lots of things, you think have meaning, just cease to exist, when you're a hundred miles from nowhere alone and broke, hoping to get a ride in either direction.
see, we completely agree on this.
 

skunqesh

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thoughts.
I deleted an entire page worth of experiences - this isn't my place to share those thoughts nor those other's experiences.
I survived some pretty rough bullying as a kid - essentially by turning around and taking down my antagonists.
and to this day - I start to feel that beserker anger rise up when I sense someone isn't being treated well.
in short,

It's understood. Life isn't fair, is never fair, doesn't give a damn about fair, and so I'm handing out helmets, free, no questions, no judgement. It's some real 'mr rogers' sh*t, ain' it?
 

P Thought

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When I became a coach, I got pretty consistent pressure about this kid or that and I just refused to listen to it. I tried really hard to be fair and do the best I could. I think in a long coaching career, I feel bad about two different kids for different reasons. About 10 years ago, I found them and apologized and both laughed and said, 'I thought you were fair!' and 'Coach, hey, I thought so and so was better than me too.' but, it still bugs me, was it cult of personality that I played into?
Know what's a great book? Bleachers, by John Grisham.
 

Skully

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There's a podcast that's been on for two years that I -- and I suspect many others -- have just discovered, called "Dead Eyes." It's this actor named Connor Ratliff examining the how's and the why's and the long-term implications of him getting fired by Tom Hanks from a small role in an episode of HBO's "Band of Brothers" because Hanks felt he had dead eyes. For this week's episode, he captures his great white whale, Tom Hanks himself. It's an interesting rumination on success, failure, rejection and how they aren't always what they seem at first blush.

 




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