Hiwatts-n-Gibsons
Tele-Afflicted
My father was a joke. Not the good kind.
Share your best "Dad joke"
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Guy walks into a bar. He asks the bartender why there are 3 pieces of meat attached to strings suspended from the ceiling.
The bartender replies that it’s a contest. If he can jump up and touch all three pieces, then he gets a free dinner and a free drink of his choice.
But if he misses, then he must buy three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar. The bartender asks, “So? You game?”
The guy scans the room and mentally adds up all the patrons. He turns to the bartender says, “I’ll pass. Those steaks are too high.”
The bartender replies that it’s a contest. If he can jump up and touch all three pieces, then he gets a free dinner and a free drink of his choice.
But if he misses, then he must buy three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar. The bartender asks, “So? You game?”
The guy scans the room and mentally adds up all the patrons. He turns to the bartender says, “I’ll pass. Those steaks are too high.”
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ISmellSmoke
Tele-Holic
I got an email explaining how to read maps backwards.
It was spam.
It was spam.
39martind18
Poster Extraordinaire
What do you call bears without ears?
"B"
Or, what do you call bears without teeth?
Gummy bears!
"B"
Or, what do you call bears without teeth?
Gummy bears!
GoldDeluxe5E3
Tele-Afflicted
My grandson and I went to San Francisco last month visiting the cable car and Pier sites. Right in front of Pier 39 stood a Buddhist monk with a hot dog stand. We walked up and said to him,
"Make me one with everything".
Here's the karmic opposite:
"Make me one with everything".
Here's the karmic opposite:
Crawdady_54
Tele-Meister
Crawdady_54
Tele-Meister
A Frenchman,Englishman and an Australian go exploring thru the jungles of the amazon
After some time, they come across a beautiful lake and all decide to go for a swim
Afterwards as they were leaving the pristine clear water they are captured by a local tribe and are brought before the chief.
The chief looks at them and says "All three of you were caught swimming in our sacred waters. This is forbidden! As punishment we will torture you all to death. Then we will take the skin from your torso and use the leather to make a canoe. However, I will allow each of you one request before you die".
The Frenchman thinks for a minute then speaks "I request a knife".
The chief nods his head and a tribesman quickly gives the Frenchman a knife. The Frenchman looks the chief in the eye and says "I will not let you torture me! VIVA LA FRANCE!"
He then proceeds to stab himself through the eye and dies instantly.
The chief snaps his fingers and the Frenchman's body is dragged away to be skinned. He then turns to the Englishman.
The Englishman thinks then says "I too would like a knife".
Like before, the chief honors his wish and he is given a knife.
"I will not let you torture me either. RULE BRITANNIA AND GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!"
He then proceeds to stab himself through the temple and dies instantly.
The chief snaps his fingers and the Englishman's body is dragged away to be skinned.
Finally, he turns to the Australian.
The Australian immediately asks for a fork. So the chief gets him a fork.
The Australian takes the fork in hand and begins to stab himself repeatedly all over his chest, screaming "TRY MAKING YOUR F@#%ING CANOE NOW!"
Crawdady_54
Tele-Meister
Crawdady_54
Tele-Meister
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