Relationship talk

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Larry F, Oct 18, 2019.

  1. Obsessed

    Obsessed Telefied Ad Free Member

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    It's called an outline. She gave the rough draft and it is your opportunity to discuss priorities, revise and finalize.
     
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  2. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

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    Silence, what is this of which you speak? When my wife is unhappy she has to talk it out. And talk it out. Say something once why say it again? No! Say it once, repeat it four more times. If I stop her and politely point out that she just repeating herself LOOK OUT! I'm not letting her express her emotions!! STAND BACK!!! So I've learned to nod... First, ask yourself if she is unhappy about you. She's unhappy with a work colleague? Excellent, that's not you! Keep nodding.
     
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  3. G.Rotten

    G.Rotten Tele-Holic

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    Essentially that's the same as "Happy Wife, Happy Life" & that's the worst advice I ever took. It requires one person to forfeit their own happiness in hopes the other will be happy.

    In reality, each person is responsible for being able to find happiness with or without another person, then both can be happy together.

    Do not listen to Chris Rock on this subject.
     
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  4. rangercaster

    rangercaster Poster Extraordinaire

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    Classic honeydew list ... Honey, do this and this and then that ...
     
  5. OldPup

    OldPup TDPRI Member

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    Those are 'Action Items'.
     
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  6. getbent

    getbent Telefied Ad Free Member

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    it doesn't seem like nagging if it is post coital. Try it and see!
     
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  7. Mike Eskimo

    Mike Eskimo Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    Ahh...you didn’t grasp the central idea that agreeing with something is not the same as actually doing it .

    That’s key .


    “I just want to make sure that we’re both on the same page regarding the importance of getting x, y, and z done .”

    “Oh - absolutely dear . Of course. Thanks for laying it out like that and thinking of it/reminding me !”

    Done.
     
  8. G.Rotten

    G.Rotten Tele-Holic

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    Ah...sweet! Carry on ;)

    I guess that makes my first response overly dramatic then. o_O
     
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2019
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  9. Chunkocaster

    Chunkocaster Poster Extraordinaire

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    I've only had these types of discussions with partners just before they became ex partners. I guess that means my label for it would be the lead up to the breaking point in the relationship. I hope i'm wrong but I think you might only have around 6 months to go before you get the "we need to talk" discussion.:eek:
    It usually happens when you're watching something cool on YouTube etc and really don't want to be disturbed let alone have one of those talks.
     
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2019
  10. Bellacaster

    Bellacaster Tele-Holic

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    I've found out the hard way that agreeing to things you have no intention of actually doing in order to get them to stop bringing things up, is not a good solution.
     
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  11. Mike Eskimo

    Mike Eskimo Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    Marriage is transactional. Tell all the millennials of marrying age that.

    I take care of the huge projects . The house changing/improvement projects.

    She takes care of the day to day.

    We both do laundry , cooking and cleaning.

    As long as neither person feels taken advantage of and that they are making out ok in the deal - it’s all good.

    Young folks should also be told - things like spin, marketing, promotion , advertising, and installment plans take place inside a marriage/between two partners.

    If they don’t it would be pretty boring and probably not sustainable.


     
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  12. boneyguy

    boneyguy Doctor of Teleocity

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    I've been through this countless times with my wife.

    Her: So we gotta go to the grocery store, and then I'd like to run into the wool shop quickly and after that we'll pick up my repaired boots.

    Me: Yes I know dear...we discussed that 7 minutes ago....that's why we're sitting in the truck together and I'm starting the engine.
     
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  13. getbent

    getbent Telefied Ad Free Member

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    process vs. product. stereotypically, a lot of us are product centric, meaning--> we like to just do without a ton of process... just 'get'er'dun' whereas (stereotypically) our spousal units prefer process--> the order of things, how it will be done, where everyone will sit all that stuff.. both have value and both important. If we feign interest in process, we get to 'do'... if we don't, then we'll pause until we do OR we'll have one person who feels 'not heard' 'not valued' and the repercussions are significant and the cost is WAY too high for such shenanigans.

    In Larry's first example, I think she was always heading toward a request and did so by citing several instances of agreement to proceed and necessities, creating an environment of parallel YES.

    Each item was 'yes, we should do that' leading to the softened 'I really need to exercise, you come too' which is her gentle way of saying 'I want you to do this' without the full ask...

    that is how I 'hear' when my wife says the same stuff.... I'm always listening for the ask, it is there... we can choose not to hear it, but their is a cost to not catching it the first time (or first couple of times)
     
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  14. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

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    No, that's called talking to me while I'm asleep.
     
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  15. edvard

    edvard Tele-Afflicted

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    I wish I could 'like' this 10 more times. My wife has no filter unless she's stewing on something that I'm not going to be comfortable discussing when it does come out. At least 3 times a day on the weekends I come up and either tell her my plans for the day or I just sit and wait for her to start talking. I do this on purpose. She will discuss the same 5 things in a circle until she's finally done and we drift back on to whatever we were doing before that. I just have to remember that she just wants to talk, so I keep my answers consistent. If I fall into the trap of thinking she's looking for a different answer because "wouldn't she stop talking about it if she was satisfied with my answer the first 3 times?", then I get called out on my inconsistency and that's a whole 'nother round or five... Why do I do this? Because I love that gorgeous little Chatty Kathy to absolute bits, even when she's driving me crazy.

    Larry, I will agree with most folks here and say that she's simply inviting you to spend some time with her while she works out her errands list. She's taken the previous discussions, laid them out verbally so it sticks better in her own head, and wants to confirm one last time if and where you'd like to be wedged in. I don't think there are any special words for this, it sounds like average married life to me. Call it a Recap if you need a word, and enjoy your trip to the gym.
     
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  16. guitartwonk

    guitartwonk Tele-Meister

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    I would pick a item on the list that's quick and easy to do but which she hates (my wife hates ironing but it doesn't bother me), offer to do that while she goes shopping.

    She'll take way longer to shop than you take to do the small thing, you'll get some free guitar-noodling time, and she'll thank you for it.

    Win-win, right?



    Sent from my Phone using Tapatalk
     
  17. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    No they won't. Because they'll say, YOU DON'T MEAN IT! THEN, they have you for sure, because you've already shut up, you can't shut up any more, if you fall for it and open your mouth, then YOU'RE REALLY DONE FOR!
     
  18. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Now you're talking. One of the few things about getting old that is actually pretty good is the ability to claim you've forgotten to do something and have at least a fifty, fifty chance of being believed.
     
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  19. Shuster

    Shuster Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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  20. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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