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Re-connections

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by blowtorch, Apr 21, 2021.

  1. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    I've always loved my folks. I never would have left their neck of the woods, were it not for the lack of decent-paying jobs up north, where I'm originally from.

    While my sons were young, I took them up the hour and a half (one way) trip to visit just as often as I could, on weekends I had custody. I knew that at some point the day would come when either they just got too busy with life to want to see their grandparents, or that it would become just simply too sad, to watch their grandparents fade off.

    Well, as fortune would have it, neither of those things really happened, until fairly recently, with both of my sons getting very busy with their work schedules. My dad passed quick- with no messing around- last fall. So now I visit my mom as often as I can, which, thankfully the black cloud of current worldwide events is dissipating enough to allow some of that.

    I realize not everyone's experience and dynamic with their parents is the same is mine, but I am grateful and have deep love towards them, and consider it a duty but yet a privilege to make sure my mother is well aware of the fact that she is deeply loved. I've missed her so during all the time I could not visit with her.

    I hope everyone has been able to start making those re-connections with family and loved ones.
    (Sorry- this thread is probably pretty pointless and captain obvious stuff, and likely over sentimental)
     
  2. Mike M

    Mike M Tele-Holic

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    Sweet post, but you posting a Beatles song, is this a cry for help?
     
  3. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Did you listen to it? Their version is much improved from the original
     
  4. Mike M

    Mike M Tele-Holic

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    Yeah, great version. But still, a Beatles post from Blowtorch?

    Your post had me in this emotional territory

     
  5. Deathray

    Deathray Tele-Afflicted

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    Great post!
    My Mom passed in 2009, and my Dad in 2017. When they’re gone, they’re gone. Great advice BT, and a great reminder to all. Enjoy every visit.
     
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  6. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Nah, my sons and I hang all the time. And they still see their grandmother, as their busy schedules allow
     
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  7. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    and tell them you love them. and hug them, even if they don't like it :p
    I remember the last hug I gave my father. He stiffened up uncomfortably. I am SO GLAD i did it, though

    I can count on one hand the hugs we've shared.
     
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  8. Telekarster

    Telekarster Tele-Afflicted

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    Hey man, I know just how you feel. My Dad went the same way in 2011, and not a day goes by that I don't think about him. Mom is still living and could probably beat the crap outta me even now! LOL! She's doing fine but I do need to see her more, especially now that things are loosening up.
     
  9. drlucky

    drlucky Tele-Holic

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    Dad passed in 2015, Mom in 2019, my older brother this past January (my older sister passed from cancer in 2001).

    I wish every single day that they could all be around and healthy. So many things I wish I could tell them; wish they were here to watch my son grow up.
     
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  10. _MementoMori_

    _MementoMori_ Tele-Afflicted

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    My dad and I never said "I love you" once to each other in our lives. It was known even if it was unspoken, but as a result I tell my kids I love them 100 times a day.

    I showed my mom affection by picking on her, and it didn't occur to me until after she was gone that she may not have seen the love in it. So I have regrets there.

    Anyway I overcompensate now as a parent by being disgustingly affectionate with my kids.
     
  11. Mike M

    Mike M Tele-Holic

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    Same story here.

    I tell my kids a hundred times a day "I love you". They say "dad, we know, why do you keep saying that?"

    And I reply "so you can still hear it after I am gone"
     
  12. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Yeah I hug my two now grown adult sons all the time and tell them i love you and i am sure they hate it haha
     
  13. dented

    dented Doctor of Teleocity

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    Thanks for sharing that. Even though My Dad was 86 he passed suddenly. My parents lived in NY and I lived in California. They loved coming to Cali in the winter. I went back and forth more as they got older. The kids took their own vacations to see them and we had mini reunions all over the place. To make a long story short when I visited My Mom I started interviewing her and videoed the whole thing. Just little short 30 second to two minute vids. I asked her about her childhood, her school, her brothers and sisters (11) driving, working, and many other things. It was hilarious. She lived til 99 and we love watching the little videos now. Especially on Mothers Day.
     
  14. _MementoMori_

    _MementoMori_ Tele-Afflicted

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    This makes me think of that quote that's something to the effect of, "every time an old person dies, a great library is burned to the ground."
     
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  15. buster poser

    buster poser Friend of Leo's Platinum Supporter

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    I'm really sorry about your father passing, BT. It's a loss so terrible I don't allow myself to imagine it happening to me, but my dad's 73, lost his mother in 2016 and then a sibling per year, including his oldest sister last month to suicide.

    As far as duty... 100% agree. We moved here in mid '19 to be near my folks. We live less than a half mile from them now, and though it was extremely stressful getting here, it was more than worth it and we're lucky to have pulled it off.

    I spent three decades visiting them once a year by plane, and since 2001, that meant a cross-country (US) flight with no directs, followed by a three-hour drive. My dad's stoic, my mom's not, neither will tell me word one about their health, and I've been in the dark on some serious stuff in the past. Being here and seeing them every couple of days makes their state undeniable.

    We haven't visited in person much since last fall when things got surge-y, but we exchanged care packages throughout, pizza/beer dropoffs, or just the odd "running up to the store... y'all need anything?" texts.

    By this time next week, all four of us will be 'safe,' and I'm looking forward to walking over and hanging out on their patio again every Friday evening, going to grab dinner a couple of times a month like we did at the start.

    Hope everyone else's situation is starting to look similarly more normal.
     
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  16. swervinbob

    swervinbob Tele-Afflicted

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    The nursing home my mother is in just started allowing face to face visits outside with masks and social distancing. I never went to do a window visit because she has dementia and I didn’t want to confuse her about why I couldn’t come in and hug her. She was always the rock of the family. Daddy died in 2002 and one of my sisters committed suicide in 2004. Seeing her mind go the last few years has been hard. Then the whole world changed two months after we finally had to put her in the home.
     
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  17. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    man, i just can't even begin to imagine
     
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  18. kinkstah

    kinkstah Tele-Afflicted

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    Your post moved me. Been there too. Can't forget.
     
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  19. El Serio

    El Serio TDPRI Member

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    A good reminder, you never know when they'll be gone. I was very close to my grandparents, but they're all gone.
    I visit my parents almost every day, as they're just a block away.
    It's a 5 hour drive each way to see my wife's parents, but we make the effort to get there several times a year.
    Usually when we visit her dad will get out his guitar and sing some old time country songs.
    The last time he couldn't play. He won't be with us much longer.
     
  20. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    It's nearly always actually later than you think it to be, with these things
     
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