Parenting

[Weazel]

I overheard something today at the grocery store:
(I will try my best translation from norwegian)

A 5 years old obnoxious kid: "Why are you so FAT, mommy?"

Mommy: "Hey, I am not your mommy, and why are you calling me fat?"

5 years old: "But...but... you are my mommy...?"

Mommy: "No, I am not. Why did you call me fat?"

5 years old: "I...I...I dunno, 'cause your stomach is big?"

Mommy: "Well that is because I GRILLED AND ATE YOUR REAL MOMMY back there at the dairy isle!"

I could not help myself, I bursted out laughing.

I am a horrible person.

Note: The incident got a nice closure, both mom and kid hugged and laughed about it.

 

[Tricone]

So you are saying you do your grocery shopping at Wal-Mart in location location?

 

[Weazel]

So you are saying you do your grocery shopping at Wal-Mart in location location?

This grocery store here in location location location is actually quite nice.

And very amusing from time to time.

 

[Papanate]

I overheard something today at the grocery store:
(I will try my best translation from norwegian)

A 5 years old obnoxious kid: "Why are you so FAT, mommy?"

Mommy: "Hey, I am not your mommy, and why are you calling me fat?"

5 years old: "But...but... you are my mommy...?"

Mommy: "No, I am not. Why did you call me fat?"

5 years old: "I...I...I dunno, 'cause your stomach is big?"

Mommy: "Well that is because I GRILLED AND ATE YOUR REAL MOMMY back there at the dairy isle!"

I could not help myself, I bursted out laughing.

I am a horrible person.

It doesn't explain why the person is so Fat - The mom was probably low fat.

 

[StoneH]

My Dad and I were standing in line at a K-mart. An obnoxious kid in front of us was grabbing candy off the shelves, and nothing the mother was saying made a difference. My Dad said, “Ma’am, I can get him to behave if you want me to”. She said, “Please”. He leaned down and whispered to the kid . . . the kid stopped in his tracks. The mother said thank you, and we went through the line. Outside I asked my Dad what he said to the boy . . . Dad: “If you don’t cut it out, I’m going to kick your little a$$ all over this store”.

 

[johnny k]

That sort of story and the ones we have not heard about will make a shrink happy !

 

[Weazel]

That sort of story and the ones we have not heard about will make a shrink happy !

Well, I am what you call a shrink, and believe me, I would not post this had I not seen the outcome of the situation.

 

[imwjl]

My wife has shocked kids and other parentss with her dry humor, brutal honesty and firm ways. She's got decades experience teaching animals of all sizes with 2 and 4 legs. 30+ of it troubled public school kids so I try to just smile because she's got a good record of success with all of them.

There's a little bit of sweet revenge with our maybe unusual parenting or at least very much feral kids and dog rules and sarcastic parenting. So far our own 3 now in college are doing well.

More power to that woman in the store if it was a variation of my wife's style.

 

[Buckaroo65]

I was shopping with my daughter when she was about 3. We were behind a lady at the milk fridge, suddenly my kid blurts out “papa! Tell that fat lady to get out of the way!” Talk about wanting to crawl into your boots and disappear…

 

[Killing Floor]

You may have just solved a cannibalism identity theft murder mystery.

 

[ce24]

Healthy fear of parental authority is a good thing…same for a teacher in the classroom. Im a retired teacher 35 years in the biz….i had very few behavior problems…and kids were knocking at the door trying to get in my classes.

 

[Jakedog]

When my middle kids was about five or six years old we were at the zoo. We had stopped to watch the Orangutans as they were particularly active and fun that day. My girl looked up at me all smiles and told me how much she loved them, and said “I wish I could go in there and play with them”.

So I said “Well I guess you could if you want to. They’re your family. This is where we adopted you.”

She snapped her head toward me and said “What?” There was also a biker guy there who looked at me like “why the hell would you tell a kid that?”

I said “This is where we adopted you when you were a baby. Your mom and I came to the zoo, and you were just so cute that we paid the zoo keeper to sneak you out so we could take you home and keep you. But those two big ones there are your real parents. That’s why they keep looking at you.”

Jules: “If I’m one of them, how come I can talk and wear clothes?”

Me: “Orangutans are really smart. You can teach them just about anything.”

At this point biker guy is trying not to laugh.

Jules: “You’re not for real. I’m not a monkey.”

Me: “Look around, Jules. All they eat is vegetables. They’re all over the place. You love vegetables, they’re all you ever eat. Didn’t you ever wonder why?”

Jules: “I don’t believe you. If I’m one of them how come I don’t have hair all over me?”

Me: “Me and mom come in your room while you’re sleeping and shave you so the other kids don’t make fun of you.”

Biker guy shoots soft drink out his nose. Some random woman says “You’re a horrible father!” And stomps off. Jules is full on belly laughing. It was one of my better off the cuff moments.

I screwed with all my kids almost relentlessly as they were growing up. And still do. The net result is that none of them will ever be scammed or taken advantage of by anyone. They can see BS coming a mile away. The disadvantage has come in that now when I tell them something totally outrageous that’s actually true, they don’t believe me a lot of the time. Mom has to step in and say “this one is for real. He’s not making it up.”

They also got the benefits of my storytelling and improv skills. One of my favorite days was when my youngest told me that my stories were better than her TV shows.

Kids are so much fun. Raising them should be too.

 

[P-Nutz]

Healthy fear of parental authority is a good thing…same for a teacher in the classroom. Im a retired teacher 35 years in the biz….i had very few behavior problems…and kids were knocking at the door trying to get in my classes.

Same here! I always told my intro classes on the first day that there was no bigger a-hole in this room than I, and if thought they could out a-hole me they could certainly try, but it wouldn’t end well … word spread quickly.

 

[imwjl]

Healthy fear of parental authority is a good thing…same for a teacher in the classroom. Im a retired teacher 35 years in the biz….i had very few behavior problems…and kids were knocking at the door trying to get in my classes.

I relate. At my 45 high school reunion there was much praise for a few tough love teachers.

My wife's had kids who hated her come back later thanking her. Many kids don't get the consistency they should have and the right teachers help. Long ago now she had a year when someone bumped her via seniority. The kids were so pissed off and hard on that teacher he retired early and she got that back. Funny how the worst kids year prior made hell on a mediocre teacher to get the one they hated back.

I don't think we were too controversial with our kids as much as it shocked some. Beyond promoting a lot of fun and adventure it was no really means no, plus being honest and open about tingly parts, religion, alcohol and drugs.

It says a lot when kids want the "tough" teacher.

 

[Chester P Squier]

The best presents you can give your children is spelled "presence."

 

[Toto'sDad]

When my middle kids was about five or six years old we were at the zoo. We had stopped to watch the Orangutans as they were particularly active and fun that day. My girl looked up at me all smiles and told me how much she loved them, and said “I wish I could go in there and play with them”.

So I said “Well I guess you could if you want to. They’re your family. This is where we adopted you.”

She snapped her head toward me and said “What?” There was also a biker guy there who looked at me like “why the hell would you tell a kid that?”

I said “This is where we adopted you when you were a baby. Your mom and I came to the zoo, and you were just so cute that we paid the zoo keeper to sneak you out so we could take you home and keep you. But those two big ones there are your real parents. That’s why they keep looking at you.”

Jules: “If I’m one of them, how come I can talk and wear clothes?”

Me: “Orangutans are really smart. You can teach them just about anything.”

At this point biker guy is trying not to laugh.

Jules: “You’re not for real. I’m not a monkey.”

Me: “Look around, Jules. All they eat is vegetables. They’re all over the place. You love vegetables, they’re all you ever eat. Didn’t you ever wonder why?”

Jules: “I don’t believe you. If I’m one of them how come I don’t have hair all over me?”

Me: “Me and mom come in your room while you’re sleeping and shave you so the other kids don’t make fun of you.”

Biker guy shoots soft drink out his nose. Some random woman says “You’re a horrible father!” And stomps off. Jules is full on belly laughing. It was one of my better off the cuff moments.

I screwed with all my kids almost relentlessly as they were growing up. And still do. The net result is that none of them will ever be scammed or taken advantage of by anyone. They can see BS coming a mile away. The disadvantage has come in that now when I tell them something totally outrageous that’s actually true, they don’t believe me a lot of the time. Mom has to step in and say “this one is for real. He’s not making it up.”

They also got the benefits of my storytelling and improv skills. One of my favorite days was when my youngest told me that my stories were better than her TV shows.

Kids are so much fun. Raising them should be too.

Really!

 

[Toto'sDad]

I used to palm chicken bones into a napkin when we were having chicken and sneak the bones into the trash. The kids would ask how come I never put any bones in the saucer momma put on the table for them? I told 'em that I ate the bones because it was the best part!

One day, my daughter's cousin came to spend the night and we had chicken for dinner. I heard my daughter tell her cousin, watch this my dad eats his chicken bones and all. So, I did my routine, and hid the bones. My niece went home and told her mom and dad, Uncle TD eats his chicken bones and all! My son who was old enough to know what I was doing would just roll his eyes when my daughter told people I ate chicken bones.

 

[Toto'sDad]

I took my kids hunting with me when I was hunting with hounds. I would only take one at a time, didn't want to be watching more than one at the same time. We would build a fire and sleep out in the open in sleeping bags.

My daughter was small for her age and didn't really start growing until she was around thirteen, then shot up overnight. When she was around twelve, I took her with me up on Breckenridge, and the dogs got going, and I had to go to the tree to get the varmint. I instructed my daughter to stay put. This was probably around midnight.

When I got back, she was nowhere to be found! I put the dogs up, and got up on a high ridge, and started calling to her, way down in a canyon, a tiny voice called back to me. I told her to stay, and this time she did. I had a good fix on where she was at and found her pretty easily. When I got fairly close, I called out to her again, she returned the call, and I got to her quickly.

I could not believe how far she had gotten away from the camp, all by herself. She didn't seem to be panicked at all. There were coyotes, bear, and mountain lion on that mountain, and she was very small, pretty stupid on my part, I should have taken her with me to begin with. I never took her to the mountains again.

 

[Kandinskyesque]

Kids are so much fun. Raising them should be too.

I've been lucky enough to have more than my fair share of being around kids.
I've two sisters 16 and 18 years younger than me, so I had the opportunity to fill their heads with nonsense and tall tales.
No sooner were they at school when I had my own two in my mid to late 20s, then the nieces and nephews came along to keep up my supply of nonsense repositories.
Once they were on their feet my daughter started her own brood in her early 20s (4 of them).

I do get my fair share of nonsense back from them. Tonight I'd a short visit from the grandkids and the youngest boy (3) had decided that instead calling me by my usual "Big Grampa" moniker, that "Farty" was much more suitable.
I couldn't pretend that I was anything other than highly amused.

As far as I'm concerned the greatest noise in the world is the sound of kid's laughter, so why would I want to pass on hearing it at every chance I get.

 

[BigDaddyLH]

When my middle kids was about five or six years old we were at the zoo. We had stopped to watch the Orangutans as they were particularly active and fun that day. My girl looked up at me all smiles and told me how much she loved them, and said “I wish I could go in there and play with them”.

So I said “Well I guess you could if you want to. They’re your family. This is where we adopted you.”

She snapped her head toward me and said “What?” There was also a biker guy there who looked at me like “why the hell would you tell a kid that?”

I said “This is where we adopted you when you were a baby. Your mom and I came to the zoo, and you were just so cute that we paid the zoo keeper to sneak you out so we could take you home and keep you. But those two big ones there are your real parents. That’s why they keep looking at you.”

Jules: “If I’m one of them, how come I can talk and wear clothes?”

Me: “Orangutans are really smart. You can teach them just about anything.”

At this point biker guy is trying not to laugh.

Jules: “You’re not for real. I’m not a monkey.”

Me: “Look around, Jules. All they eat is vegetables. They’re all over the place. You love vegetables, they’re all you ever eat. Didn’t you ever wonder why?”

Jules: “I don’t believe you. If I’m one of them how come I don’t have hair all over me?”

Me: “Me and mom come in your room while you’re sleeping and shave you so the other kids don’t make fun of you.”

Biker guy shoots soft drink out his nose. Some random woman says “You’re a horrible father!” And stomps off. Jules is full on belly laughing. It was one of my better off the cuff moments.

I screwed with all my kids almost relentlessly as they were growing up. And still do. The net result is that none of them will ever be scammed or taken advantage of by anyone. They can see BS coming a mile away. The disadvantage has come in that now when I tell them something totally outrageous that’s actually true, they don’t believe me a lot of the time. Mom has to step in and say “this one is for real. He’s not making it up.”

They also got the benefits of my storytelling and improv skills. One of my favorite days was when my youngest told me that my stories were better than her TV shows.

Kids are so much fun. Raising them should be too.

My younger daughter was an imp so it was natural I would say to her, "the main difference between you and a monkey is that .... a monkey seldom wears pants." One day she looked at me seriously and said, "Daddy, I seldom wear pants, I wear skirts." So I said, "in that case, the main difference between you and a monkey is that..." and then I knitted my brow and tapped my forehead in concentration, then gave up and shrugged