Parenting insights.

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by imwjl, Nov 20, 2019.

  1. imwjl

    imwjl Poster Extraordinaire

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    My wife brought up parent/teacher conferences recently and discussing two siblings with parents because they've been missing class, not completing assignments and making poor choices including the kids starting to hang with a crowd known for making even worse choices.

    The dad called and said he bought them a car to solve help solve these issues. You know, make it easier to get to class. Guess what. The kids didn't make it to any classes this week.

    The dad was surprised that his idea to get the car did not work.
     
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  2. getbent

    getbent Telefied Ad Free Member

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    the fruit and the tree.

    10 bucks says one or both parents were exactly the same... and they turned out okay and life goes on.
     
  3. ce24

    ce24 Poster Extraordinaire

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    That was about 180 degrees the wrong way to deal with that one. Those parents are in for it... Plus those kids will most likely be living on their dime for a long time. I have no sympathy.:D
    Retired after 35 yrs teaching...I understand completely
     
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2019
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  4. rolandson

    rolandson Tele-Meister

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    Ummm...!?! He says whilst pondering the OP's location...

    It ain't the kid ya got, it's the adult ya helped create.
     
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  5. Bluesboy3

    Bluesboy3 TDPRI Member

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    When I was their age, I had to walk 10 miles through the snow to class and I never missed once.
     
  6. Brian J.

    Brian J. Tele-Afflicted

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    I got the fist and the boot as a child it may not have kept me from doing wrong but it made me way harder to catch
     
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  7. dan1952

    dan1952 Friend of Leo's

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    Talk to a teacher...
     
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  8. getbent

    getbent Telefied Ad Free Member

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    the piedmont can be treacherous on the road to joaquin miller!
     
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  9. Kitarkus

    Kitarkus TDPRI Member

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    I'm not defending the parents in your scenario. That said, I was a 'difficult' kid who often made poor choices and suffered occasional consequences. I lived young and fast. Nothing too serious. I did go to college....I have always worked...and I've never been imprisoned...never suffered any serious legal issues....never went to rehab etc. There were plenty of broken curfews, car wrecks, brushes with the law, skipped classes, underage consensual girl shinanigans (we both were underage), bouts of mistaken immortality, you know....a normal kid growing up in the 70's. I surely made my parents lives difficult for about 6 years...and they had little true control. It all worked out okay and I now have a 13 year old of my own. Kids...humans....they are all different. I know of no 'right' way to live/be. It is easy to palm slap myself when observing others' family dynamics....but more often than not....we all survive and even thrive. Aside from those that commit clear and obvious life changing (themselves or others) transgressions....I say live and let live. Ironically...my daughter is straight as an arrow, a worrier, straight A's...and an extremely hard worker...school, violin, cross country...NONE of which did I take part in my day. I encourage her to get into 'a bit of trouble' every now and again and she can't comprehend of such blasphemy. Go figure....perhaps these behaviors skip a generation.
     
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2019
  10. Kitarkus

    Kitarkus TDPRI Member

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    edit..duplicate post
     
  11. 24 track

    24 track Doctor of Teleocity Silver Supporter

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    this is a hard one to pin down and all the outside the bubble speculation is not going to give a solid answer as to these kids behavior.
    Kids will do what they want to do which usually entails the exactly oposite of the parents desire, one could argue that the leash is too long, the leash is too short , is there anger issues , is there poverty at home , are these kids spoiled , one thing is for sure , these kids are hormonal , and are breaking away from the parental and authoratative bonds, just like a kid going through the terrible 2's and are confused by peer pressure, they may have a rebelious tendancy, is there abuse at home, these kids may be bullied at school and this is their survival for this issue. it is so hard to begin to pin down and with only a smigent of information , much less begin to finger point.

    is questioning authority some thing taught at home , do the parents repeatedly talk smack about their bosses or co-workers ? all of ,or some of these indicators may fashion how these kids cope with issues and some times these issues are so big the kids are not equipt to deal with them but wont ask for help, or know how to ask for help or let alone know they need help.

    so i cant judge anyone on this issue , there is no hand book for raising our monsters however cute they are
     
  12. Antmax

    Antmax Tele-Meister

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    Rewarding kids for being bad in the hope they will turn around is a bad idea. Rewarding them with a car if they turn up at school every day and got good grades at the end of the year is how my parents would have done it when I was a kid. In the 70's and 80's parents didn't buy kids cars.

    We weren't that well off but we would usually get something special and quite expensive the following Christmas if we were good. I still remember the model railway kit, scalextrics, first bike, later a BMX bike, home computer, Yamaha Keyboard etc.

    Back then there was a lot more discipline and well defined heirarchy within the family and society. The whole respect for your elders, good manners and take pride in what you do. We'd get £1.50 a day .50 was the buss fare which was kind of optional since we often chose to walk a couple of miles to school and play on the coin OP's, play pool or buy sweets on the way home. Sometimes we skipped lunch and kept the £1 too lol.
     
  13. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    You think that's bad? I had to walk through a ten thousand yard cattle feed lot, and I was instructed to always stay on the side of the fence the cows were on. For some strange reason, my desk was a little over a quarter of a mile from the rest of the class. I could baaaaarrrely see the black board from where I was at.
     
  14. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    It's a whole lot easier to work with a dog who hasn't learned any bad habits than one who already has even a few bad habits. I don't think it's much different when working with people.
     
  15. kingofdogs1950

    kingofdogs1950 Tele-Holic

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    This brings to mind when my folks bought an Austin Healey Sprite as a bribe to get my older brother to transfer to Florida State when the family move to Tallahassee. The old 'bad crowd' problem.
    He said 'No dice,' expecting to be able to stay in Dallas and get the car anyway.
    Welllll... Little brother (15 yrs. old), that is, me, got the car. (Brother was PISSED!)
    Whoa... BMOC...
    When I was 17 I was playing in a cover band and making a fair bit of $$$ that I was stashing for college.
    My folks bought me a one year old van for transporting band equipment. Needless to say, I was blown away. We (band mates) had been renting a trailer every weekend.
    Now, I was a good, but not stellar student. Call me an A -minus student.
    Just another take on one out come from giving cars to kids.
    I certainly had many 'adventures' but was basically a good kid.
    BTW, when I went off to uni, I did not take the van or the Sprite. No car and I lived in a dorm.
    I got the van the next year when I moved off campus.


    Mark

    1966 AH Sprite
    sprite.jpg
     
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2019
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  16. P-Nutz

    P-Nutz Tele-Afflicted

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    I am one ... and the father of two adult sons ...

    The title of this thread is “Parenting insights” ...

    ... there ain’t none ...
     
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  17. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

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    Stones ... glass houses
     
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  18. 24 track

    24 track Doctor of Teleocity Silver Supporter

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  19. rangercaster

    rangercaster Poster Extraordinaire

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    Affluenza is a serious affliction ... They haven't found a cure yet ...
     
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  20. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

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    I got no insights to share but I'm thinking of a family I know. The parents are really good people and I always thought they were much better parents than my wife and me. They are also religious and strict with their kids. We are not, and are not. Their younger daughter when through a wild phase -- living with the Hell's Angels wild. Their older daughter has mental illness problems -- like being in the psych ward of the hospital and trying to commit suicide multiple times, but seems to be doing better now after electroconvulsive therapy. Now how much of that comes down to the parents' behavior? The older daughter's mental illness can't be their fault? But who's to say the younger daughter's behaviour isn't wired into her, as well? Maybe there's nothing the parents could have done to change those courses of events.
     
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