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Opinions appreciated...

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Frank'n'censed, Dec 13, 2017.

  1. Frank'n'censed

    Frank'n'censed Doctor of Teleocity

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    After many years of rumours & speculation, my father tells me I have 4 older half brothers & sisters, 2 of each. He’s in his mid-‘80’s now & had previously admitted to an older sister, (I found out about her on Christmas Day, three years ago...the best present ever!). I’d also first heard about an older half brother, about a decade ago. They were all out of wedlock, from separate women, whom he’d individually named, with a few other details. My only reaction was, “had you ever considered I may have wanted to know about them?” My late mother knew of them before they married & took the details to her grave. Ironically, at his father’s funeral, he found out about several older, retired, siblings, from an earlier marriage. No, I didn’t follow suit...was never interested in having kids or marriage, after experiencing my parent’s gong show, thank you.
     
  2. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

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    Have you made contact with the two you already knew about? Two more, wow! I'd be curious and what to establish contact, although as a serious wealthy fellah, you may want to talk to your lawyers first.
     
  3. Frank'n'censed

    Frank'n'censed Doctor of Teleocity

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    I have a healthy relationship with the one sister I learned about, 3 years ago. She’s a remarkable, inspiring woman, who’s overcome many hurdles, becoming a psych nurse who specializes in assisting traumatized police & soldiers. Next Canada Day, she’s planning to retire, returning to her country roots. The other brother was rumoured to be a doctor, with the same name as my younger brother, (my father knew this? Sounds like a lost Newhart episode). I need to get some more details from my father
     
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2017
  4. MDent77

    MDent77 Tele-Afflicted

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    All I can contribute is being one of fourteen kids (same parents God rest their souls). So siblings are awesome - even when they are not being so.
     
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  5. unixfish

    unixfish Doctor of Teleocity Silver Supporter

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    Just - wow. I would have no idea how I would address that.

    Good luck to you - I hope it works out.
     
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  6. studio

    studio Poster Extraordinaire

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    I think you should look for those lost siblings.
     
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  7. BorderRadio

    BorderRadio Doctor of Teleocity Silver Supporter

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    My oldest daughter asked about her half siblings from her birth mom the other day. I told her one is trying to reach out to her. She's real close to my other daughters, so it's odd for her, knowing they are out there but are total strangers to her. She's an adult now, I can only recommend things, and keep channels open but it's in her hands to seek out and establish the kind of relationship she wants to have. That's all I got, hope things sort out for you.
     
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  8. ebb soul

    ebb soul Poster Extraordinaire

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    I had a grand mother I never knew about till I was 12, due to a falout my father had.
    Perplexed me aomewhat.
     
  9. dogwatermike

    dogwatermike Tele-Meister

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    I found out 10 years ago I had a half brother.... He's 8 years older than I am ( I have a younger "full" brother also). .... Dad was 78 when he told us, and it turns out they were both looking for each other. Older bro was given up for adoption... in those days, it was all very embarrassing, so no one talked.....

    I think this kind of thing is more common than people realize...one of my pals at work (10 years older than me) told me a similar story!

    Still, it's kind of shocking when you get the news! But also kind of cool to find out you have new siblings! Congrats on your "new" family members!
     
  10. LeicaBoss

    LeicaBoss Tele-Holic

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    Opinion: families are weird. People do weird things. Hopefully there was some love in the household, and have on to that and embrace the weird
     
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  11. william tele

    william tele Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    I don't really know your threshold of curiosity...but mine's pretty low. I'd have to follow through. I can tell you this though, I really think they'd be happy to know you. I've read your posts and you are intelligent and interesting!

    Whatever went on in the past just isn't really a deal breaker by now. You have your life and they have theirs. Something really cool could come of it. I may be kind of a Pollyanna type when it comes to hoping for the best in people but it's hard for me to envision a down side. Good luck!
     
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  12. Frank'n'censed

    Frank'n'censed Doctor of Teleocity

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    I’ve long embraced my weird...somebody’s gotta do it!
     
  13. scrapyardblue

    scrapyardblue Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    If I were you, heck yes I'd want to meet them.

    My apologies in advance but, other than sheer selfishness, I cannot think of a single reason one adult would keep such information from another adult.
     
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  14. RoscoeElegante

    RoscoeElegante Friend of Leo's

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    Take some time for yourself and sort out how you feel about this. Ask yourself what you want out of learning about this. You've got the perhaps very remote benefits of new family relationships on the one hand, and the probabilities of further pain, confusion, ambivalence on the other. After all, the half-brothers and -sisters may be jerks, may reject you, may try to exploit this, may politely not want this new complexity in their lives, etc. Your life might be a lot better off just letting it all go, as tough as that may seem. Beware letting your anger at your parents about their secretiveness entangle the sorting out. Beware also seeking to fix or heal your relationship with your dad through newly discovered half-siblings.

    Sorry if this is cautious to the point of begrudging. But I see a lot more risk than benefit here. If this were me, I'd go fishing with my best friend, and quietly soak up the brotherliness of our friendship. Leaning on who we're truly close to can do wonders to make family failures endurable.

    Sorry that you have to deal with such complexities.
     
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  15. moosie

    moosie Doctor of Teleocity Silver Supporter

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    Now that you know, you might be in for some profound regret later, if you don't act now.

    Good luck with it.
     
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  16. Obsessed

    Obsessed Telefied Silver Supporter

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    I would make sure they know that you exist and then see how it goes from there. The sister you do know might be the best intermediary for any contact. I wouldn't put any expectations into this. People seem to seek out unknown relatives in their own time, when they are ready. The best part is now you are aware of these people, so you won't be caught off guard at a later date.
     
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  17. DonM

    DonM Friend of Leo's

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    Look them up. Good luck.
     
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  18. catdaddy

    catdaddy Tele-Afflicted

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    No advice to offer, but I hope whatever course you decide to take results in peace of mind.
     
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  19. src9000

    src9000 Poster Extraordinaire

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    My wife's "sperm donner", as she refers to him, told her she had 10(?) siblings about 15 years back.
    As she was the oldest, he expected her to take care of them. Her reply was "Oh Hell No!"
     
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  20. Frank'n'censed

    Frank'n'censed Doctor of Teleocity

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    On Donor, keep on blitzin’
     
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