One-liners.

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Bendyha, Aug 19, 2019.

  1. Mike SS

    Mike SS Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

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    The worst thing about oral s-x is the view. Rodney Dangerfield.
     
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  2. keithb7

    keithb7 Poster Extraordinaire

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    I’ve been thinking about the chess/height one, all day. Still not getting it.
     
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  3. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Doctor of Teleocity

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    I invited my chess grandmaster friend to dinner. Unfortunately I had a chequered cloth on the table. It took him two hours to pass the salt.
     
  4. Whatizitman

    Whatizitman Poster Extraordinaire

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    Yep. The king of drug-fueled one liners.

    My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said NO. But I want a regular banana later. So, yeah!

    OK, more than one line.
     
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  5. Whatizitman

    Whatizitman Poster Extraordinaire

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    Yeah, it's too high brow for me. It's way over my head. *wink wink nudge nudge*

    EDIT: Wait, that's puns. Not one-liners. This is why I don't do comedy for a living. OK not the only reason. But a good reason.
     
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2019
  6. Whatizitman

    Whatizitman Poster Extraordinaire

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    "I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.”
     
  7. nojazzhere

    nojazzhere Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    I'd swear I heard that in a Monty Python sketch.....but maybe not. ;)
    And....of course, I was wrong.....:(

    Watch the whole thing.
     
  8. stinkey

    stinkey Tele-Afflicted

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    Why is it so hard to spell dyslexia?
     
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  9. Bendyha

    Bendyha Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    Don't bother, I spared it a few seconds and decided it is either one of those insider "fake jokes", or just plain not worth rating as a joke.
    If it needs explaining, it doesn't cut it as a one-liner, where the quick unexpected twist and thrust is the making of the joke.
     
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  10. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Doctor of Teleocity

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    Which joker decided to put an s in lisp!
     
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  11. 1300 E Valencia

    1300 E Valencia Friend of Leo's

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    Yesterday I realized I missed my ex.
    Next time I'll aim better.
     
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  12. nojazzhere

    nojazzhere Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    I'm making a guess here, but I suspect it's a Woody Allen self-deprecating line.....making fun of his own inadequacies. Sorry if I spoiled someone's sense of "insider superiority"....;)
     
  13. Deathray

    Deathray Tele-Afflicted

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    More Mitch Hedburg:

    I saw an escalator with an “out of order” sign on it...
    Shouldn’t it say “temporarily stairs?”
     
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  14. Deathray

    Deathray Tele-Afflicted

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    More Steven Wright:

    My neighbors have a circular driveway, they can never leave.

    I put instant coffee in the microwave, and I went back in time.
     
  15. TigerG

    TigerG Tele-Afflicted

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    That's funny! I had no idea that the joke in the post I was responding to was from the very same sketch as the joke I put forward. And, in my memory it was Benny himself that was making out with the girl...
     
  16. eclecticsynergy

    eclecticsynergy Friend of Leo's

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    My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure miss him.
     
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  17. eclecticsynergy

    eclecticsynergy Friend of Leo's

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    More from Stephen Wright:

    What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?

    A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

    I intend to live forever.... So far, so good.

    Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

    A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

    Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

    How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
     
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  18. RollingBender

    RollingBender Tele-Afflicted

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    And who is the cruel jerk who put an “r” in rhotacism?
     
  19. Bendyha

    Bendyha Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    Same one that thought monosyllabism.

    Probably an orthinologist....a word botcher.
     
  20. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Doctor of Teleocity

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    How does a doctor diagnose rhotacism? He asks you to say Arghhhh

    What do you call a pirate with rhotacism? Quiet.
     
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