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Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Bendyha, Aug 19, 2019.
The worst thing about oral s-x is the view. Rodney Dangerfield.
I’ve been thinking about the chess/height one, all day. Still not getting it.
I invited my chess grandmaster friend to dinner. Unfortunately I had a chequered cloth on the table. It took him two hours to pass the salt.
Yep. The king of drug-fueled one liners.
My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said NO. But I want a regular banana later. So, yeah!
OK, more than one line.
Yeah, it's too high brow for me. It's way over my head. *wink wink nudge nudge*
EDIT: Wait, that's puns. Not one-liners. This is why I don't do comedy for a living. OK not the only reason. But a good reason.
"I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.”
I'd swear I heard that in a Monty Python sketch.....but maybe not.
And....of course, I was wrong.....
Watch the whole thing.
Why is it so hard to spell dyslexia?
Don't bother, I spared it a few seconds and decided it is either one of those insider "fake jokes", or just plain not worth rating as a joke.
If it needs explaining, it doesn't cut it as a one-liner, where the quick unexpected twist and thrust is the making of the joke.
Which joker decided to put an s in lisp!
Yesterday I realized I missed my ex.
Next time I'll aim better.
I'm making a guess here, but I suspect it's a Woody Allen self-deprecating line.....making fun of his own inadequacies. Sorry if I spoiled someone's sense of "insider superiority"....
More Mitch Hedburg:
I saw an escalator with an “out of order” sign on it...
Shouldn’t it say “temporarily stairs?”
More Steven Wright:
My neighbors have a circular driveway, they can never leave.
I put instant coffee in the microwave, and I went back in time.
That's funny! I had no idea that the joke in the post I was responding to was from the very same sketch as the joke I put forward. And, in my memory it was Benny himself that was making out with the girl...
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure miss him.
More from Stephen Wright:
What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
I intend to live forever.... So far, so good.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
And who is the cruel jerk who put an “r” in rhotacism?
Same one that thought monosyllabism.
Probably an orthinologist....a word botcher.
How does a doctor diagnose rhotacism? He asks you to say Arghhhh
What do you call a pirate with rhotacism? Quiet.