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Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Bendyha, Aug 19, 2019.
did you hear about the mile long turd? ...eh, it was just a bunch of sh*t.
My favorite SW one-liner has always been, "Bought some powdered water ... didn't know what to add ... "
"My dog...his favorite bone...it's in my leg!" Rodney Dangerfield
There's a follow-up to that one - the hot dog is 6 bucks and he pays with a $10 bill.
Vendor turns away and the Buddhist says. "Hey, what about my change?"
The hot dog guy answers, "Change comes from within."
Why aren't there any jokes about Jim Jones?
Punchline is too long.
Coupla my faves:
If you look really closely, all mirrors look like eyeballs.
I've had amnesia for as long as I can remember.
My son wanted to know what it's like to be married - I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.
What did the drummer name his two daughters? Anna one, Anna two...
If I had a dime for every time someone said I had OCD I'd have twenty-seven dollars and forty cents.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my Grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in the car he was driving.
Another Benny Hill-ism:
In a passionate moment with a woman where she has her hands on his rear (or bum, as Mr Hill would likely think of it), she says
What is this thing called, love?
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
I went to a zoo this past weekend. It only had one animal... It was a Shih Tzu.
What's the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A Tire / Attire
Me too...but I did laugh when I finally got it.
I spilled spot remover on my dog.
Now he's gone.
I’m still struggling. Or am I overthinking it?
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Mitch Hedberg was the man.
I don't have a girlfriend BUT, I know a girl who would get mad at me for saying that.
I went to get my teeth whitened BUT, it turns out, a tan is cheaper.
I like rice. It's good for when you want to eat a thousand of something.
"Do you smoke after sex? I don't know, I never checked."
He sure was. Thanks for posting. I laughed out loud.
Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
Henny Youngman: "I just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport."