One-liners.

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Bendyha, Aug 19, 2019.

  1. pipethemike

    pipethemike TDPRI Member

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    did you hear about the mile long turd? ...eh, it was just a bunch of sh*t.
     
  2. P-Nutz

    P-Nutz Tele-Afflicted Silver Supporter

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    My favorite SW one-liner has always been, "Bought some powdered water ... didn't know what to add ... "
     
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  3. elihu

    elihu Poster Extraordinaire

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    "My dog...his favorite bone...it's in my leg!" Rodney Dangerfield
     
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  4. eclecticsynergy

    eclecticsynergy Tele-Afflicted

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    There's a follow-up to that one - the hot dog is 6 bucks and he pays with a $10 bill.

    Vendor turns away and the Buddhist says. "Hey, what about my change?"

    The hot dog guy answers, "Change comes from within."
     
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2019
  5. bumnote

    bumnote Tele-Meister

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    Why aren't there any jokes about Jim Jones?
    Punchline is too long.
     
  6. eclecticsynergy

    eclecticsynergy Tele-Afflicted

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    Coupla my faves:

    If you look really closely, all mirrors look like eyeballs.

    I've had amnesia for as long as I can remember.

    My son wanted to know what it's like to be married - I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

    What did the drummer name his two daughters? Anna one, Anna two...

    If I had a dime for every time someone said I had OCD I'd have twenty-seven dollars and forty cents.

    I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my Grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in the car he was driving.
     
  7. TigerG

    TigerG Tele-Afflicted

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    Another Benny Hill-ism:
    In a passionate moment with a woman where she has her hands on his rear (or bum, as Mr Hill would likely think of it), she says
    What is this thing called, love?
     
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  8. eclecticsynergy

    eclecticsynergy Tele-Afflicted

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    If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
     
  9. RYAN1987M

    RYAN1987M Tele-Meister Ad Free Member

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    I went to a zoo this past weekend. It only had one animal... It was a Shih Tzu.
     
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  10. RYAN1987M

    RYAN1987M Tele-Meister Ad Free Member

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    What's the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A Tire / Attire
     
  11. Greggorios

    Greggorios Tele-Afflicted Silver Supporter

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    Me too...but I did laugh when I finally got it.:)
     
  12. pixeljammer

    pixeljammer Tele-Meister Silver Supporter

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    I spilled spot remover on my dog.

    Now he's gone.

    /Steven Wright
     
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  13. Deeve

    Deeve Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    too soon

    :oops:
     
  14. dlew919

    dlew919 Poster Extraordinaire

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    I’m still struggling. Or am I overthinking it?


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
  15. CV Jee Beez

    CV Jee Beez Tele-Holic

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    Mitch Hedberg was the man.

    I don't have a girlfriend BUT, I know a girl who would get mad at me for saying that.

    I went to get my teeth whitened BUT, it turns out, a tan is cheaper.

    I like rice. It's good for when you want to eat a thousand of something.
     
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  16. lewis

    lewis Poster Extraordinaire

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    "Do you smoke after sex? I don't know, I never checked."
     
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  17. D_Malone

    D_Malone Tele-Meister

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    He sure was. Thanks for posting. I laughed out loud. :lol:
     
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  18. Shuster

    Shuster Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
     
  19. Shuster

    Shuster Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
     
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  20. Blue Bill

    Blue Bill Poster Extraordinaire Ad Free Member

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    Henny Youngman: "I just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport."
     
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