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Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Bendyha, Aug 19, 2019.
I've had some bad news about the mother-in-law's funeral. She went and cancelled it.
Always my favorite -
A Buddhist says to the hot dog vendor, "Make me one with everything"
What’s that in the road ahead?
Benny Hill version:
What’s that in the road? A head?
I've got a phobia about speed bumps - but I'm slowly getting over it.
I had German sausage phobia. Thankfully I am over the wurst.
I have an airport phobia. The doctor told me it was likely to be terminal.
Gold - pure gold
It don't get no better than this:
Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s very time consuming.
I wondered why the ball looked like it was getting larger... then it hit me.
My wife likes to talk to me during sex. Yesterday, she called me from the motel. - Rodney Dangerfield
From Stephen Wright:
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
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The FBI wanted to interview the prison guard that was supposed to be watching Jeffery Epstein but he committed suicide tomorrow.
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine
Never moon a werewolf
It's not the fall that kills you, it's hitting the ground.
It's a Woody Allen joke, and to me about as funny as anything else he ever did. If I were being held captive, and forced to watch Woody Allen movies, I'd confess to ANYTHING to get out of there.
If Woody Allen had been cast as Del Griffith and used his own material, Neil Page would have ran out in front of a bus half way through the movie.
Me and my wife are trying to quit smoking. We decided to only smoke after sex.
I’ve had the same pack since 1978, she’s up to 3 packs a day- Rodney Dangerfield
I told my wife I’d prefer to be cremated...She booked my appointment for tomorrow.