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One-liners.

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Bendyha, Aug 19, 2019.

  1. Uncle Daddy

    Uncle Daddy Tele-Afflicted

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    Maldon, England
    I've had some bad news about the mother-in-law's funeral. She went and cancelled it.
     
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  2. joealso

    joealso Tele-Holic

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    Chester Co, PA
    Always my favorite -

    A Buddhist says to the hot dog vendor, "Make me one with everything"
     
  3. NewKid

    NewKid Tele-Afflicted

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    Oct 30, 2011
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    Seattle
    What’s that in the road ahead?

    Benny Hill version:
    What’s that in the road? A head?
     
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  4. Togman

    Togman Tele-Afflicted Silver Supporter

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    Cambridgeshire, UK
    I've got a phobia about speed bumps - but I'm slowly getting over it.
     
  5. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Doctor of Teleocity

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    UK
    I had German sausage phobia. Thankfully I am over the wurst.
     
  6. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Doctor of Teleocity

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    UK
    I have an airport phobia. The doctor told me it was likely to be terminal.
     
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2019
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  7. Deeve

    Deeve Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

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    Ballard
    Gold - pure gold
     
  8. urbandefault

    urbandefault Tele-Holic

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    OKCUSA
    It don't get no better than this:

     
  9. TheGoodTexan

    TheGoodTexan Super Moderator Staff Member Ad Free Member

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    Nashville, TN
    Admin Post
    Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s very time consuming.
     
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  10. O- Fender

    O- Fender Tele-Afflicted

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    Canada
    I wondered why the ball looked like it was getting larger... then it hit me.

    My wife likes to talk to me during sex. Yesterday, she called me from the motel. - Rodney Dangerfield
     
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  11. Modman68

    Modman68 Tele-Holic

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    La mesa
    From Stephen Wright:

    I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.

    Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

    If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

    I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

    The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

    I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.

    Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

    Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

    Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?




    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
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  12. RodeoTex

    RodeoTex Doctor of Teleocity

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    Nueces Strip
    The FBI wanted to interview the prison guard that was supposed to be watching Jeffery Epstein but he committed suicide tomorrow.
     
  13. Shuster

    Shuster Poster Extraordinaire

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    Bulverde Tx.
    You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
     
  14. Shuster

    Shuster Poster Extraordinaire

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    Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine
     
  15. Shuster

    Shuster Poster Extraordinaire

    Posts:
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    Never moon a werewolf;)
     
  16. O- Fender

    O- Fender Tele-Afflicted

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    It's not the fall that kills you, it's hitting the ground.
     
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  17. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Bakersfield
    It's a Woody Allen joke, and to me about as funny as anything else he ever did. If I were being held captive, and forced to watch Woody Allen movies, I'd confess to ANYTHING to get out of there.
     
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  18. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Bakersfield
    If Woody Allen had been cast as Del Griffith and used his own material, Neil Page would have ran out in front of a bus half way through the movie.
     
  19. Deathray

    Deathray Tele-Afflicted

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    56
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    Central illinois
    Me and my wife are trying to quit smoking. We decided to only smoke after sex.
    I’ve had the same pack since 1978, she’s up to 3 packs a day- Rodney Dangerfield
     
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  20. keithb7

    keithb7 Friend of Leo's

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    Jan 9, 2010
    Location:
    Western Canada
    I told my wife I’d prefer to be cremated...She booked my appointment for tomorrow.
     
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