Count
Friend of Leo's
Possibly also from the bare knuckle boxing days when the pugilists had to stand at two parallel lines on the ground and then punch each other.
Old sayings that make no sense
- Thread starter Toto'sDad
- Start date
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chezdeluxe
Doctor of Teleocity
"Oh for the love of Mike".
Who is Mike ?
Who is Mike ?
That's tighter than a nun's.............well, we won't go in to that.
You've never met Mike? Lovely guy.
Thorby Bislam
Tele-Afflicted
Hey, you calling me a common north of englander? I resemble that remark!
Guilty as charged. And I may have over-reacted. It may well be 'dust cart' in Oz. For all I know you might not have milk floats. Pax:?:
Is it just me, or do a lot of these make perfect sense when you think about them?
It seems like most people are listing weird sounding sayings, rather than actual nonsensical ones.
It seems like most people are listing weird sounding sayings, rather than actual nonsensical ones.
StuR
Banned
Amazing the number of sayings that come from old days of sail.
That one is from how drunks walk, point one way but walk at an angle, like a ship does when it's sails are at an angle to the way it's going.
"By and large" is another.
brownshoe
Tele-Afflicted
Not trying to be vulgar or anything like that, but this is a saying...
Tough titty, said the kitty, when the milk went dry.
I guess cats have it rough too like that one that got killed.
Tough titty, said the kitty, when the milk went dry.
I guess cats have it rough too
like that one that got killed.
The ones that really make no sense are the ones which have gotten mangled over the years. When I first moved to the Lehigh Valley region of PA, I heard people refer to a good deal as "cheap at half the price." I always thought, well, no kiddin! It would be cheap if it were only half priced. I guess "cheap at twice the price" is how it really started out.
aikiguy
Tele-Meister
The cat thing
A little more than your outstretched arms. The cat in question is a cat of nine tails, a corporal punishment metered out on seaman by most of the admiralty during the square rigger period.
A special note is that the cat is either "Live" which means that the ends of it have not been stuck together with the blood of the man being punished or Dead, meaning that it is stuck together with blood. A dead cat could kill you as it is a lot of blunt force trauma. A live cat is a very painful punishment by basically causes cuts and welts into your back, without doing any damage more than skin and tissue deep.
You did ask.....
A little more than your outstretched arms. The cat in question is a cat of nine tails, a corporal punishment metered out on seaman by most of the admiralty during the square rigger period.
A special note is that the cat is either "Live" which means that the ends of it have not been stuck together with the blood of the man being punished or Dead, meaning that it is stuck together with blood. A dead cat could kill you as it is a lot of blunt force trauma. A live cat is a very painful punishment by basically causes cuts and welts into your back, without doing any damage more than skin and tissue deep.
You did ask.....
Hey, you calling me a common north of englander? I resemble that remark!
I was born in Birkenhead and my parents lived most of their lives in Merseyside. The expression was as common as dust carts.
x2plex
Tele-Meister
Our local variation of the cheapskate saying... He's so tight that when he farts only dogs can hear it.
bloomz
Tele-Holic
AUSTRALIAN TRANSLATIONS
I'm hungry:
"I could eat the crotch out of a dead leper's undies."
"I could eat the horse and chase the jockey."
"So hungry I could eat the arse out of a low flying duck."
I'm thirsty:
"I'm dry as a dead dingo's donger."
"I'm drier than a nuns nasty."
I'm as dry as a pommie’s bath mat."
"I'm as dry as a bulls bum going up a hill backwards."
"I'm drier than an Arab's fart."
I need to go for a pee:
"Gonna drain me dragon."
"My back teeth are floating."
"Need to syphon the python."
"I got to take a snakes hiss."
"Gonna go water a horse."
"I'm off to drain the main vein."
"Shake hands with the wife's best friend."
I need to do a number two:
"I gotta go give birth to a politician."
"I'm takin' a stroll to the gravy bowl."
"Off to the bog to leave an offering."
"Time to snap off a grogan."
"Have to hang a brown bear in the porcelain cave."
"There's a brown dog barking at the back door."
"I'm going to give birth to your twin."
"Taking out the garbage."
"I gotta back one out."
"Release the Chocolate hostage"
Vomit:
"Calling for Ralph and George."
"I was driving the porcelain bus this morning."
"I left him a lawn pizza."
"Toss a tiger on the carpet."
Insults:
"I hope your ears turn into arseholes and **** on your shoulders."
"Not enough brains to give 'imself a headache!"
"About as useful as **** on a bull."
"You must be the world's only living brain donor."
"He's a few wanks short of an orgasm."
"She had more ****** than a second hand dartboard."
"He had a head on him like a sucked mango."
"May your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny down."
"He's got a few roos loose in the top paddock."
"So stupid that he wouldn't know a tram was up him 'til the bell rang!"
"Couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery."
"Pull your lip over your head and swallow!"
"As ugly as a bucket of arseholes."
"If I had a dog that looked like him, I'd shave it's arse and make it walk backwards."
"Couldn't tell his ass from a hole in the ground."
"Couldn't drive a greasy stick up a dog's arse."
"Couldn't organise a ***** in a brothel with a fist full of fifties."
"About as useful as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking competition."
"I'll kick your bum till your nose bleeds!"
"A stubbie short of a six pack."
"Seen better heads in a piss trough."
"Tighter than a fish's arse."
"So tight that he wouldn't shout if a shark bit him."
"Face like a smashed crab."
"As ugly as a bulldog chewing a wasp."
"He could talk a dog off a meatwagon."
"You've got a head like a half-eaten pastie."
"He wouldn't go two rounds with a revolving door."
"Mate, she’s as rough as a pigs breakfast."
"He's got a face like a cat licking **** off a thistle."
"She's been hit with the fugley stick too many times."
"She's two pick handles wide."
"An arse like two pigs fighting in a sugar bag."
"As ugly as a bag of spanners."
"You've got a head like a dropped pie."
"He thinks his **** don' stink, but his farts give him away."
"I wish his dad had settled for a blow job."
"Fell out of the ugly tree, and hit every branch on the way down."
"If I had a head like yours I'd circumcise it."
"Wouldn't know if someone was up him sideways with an armful of deck chairs."
Compliments:
“ya bloods worth bottling!"
"I'd be up her like a rat up a drain pipe."
"A better man never stood in two shoes!"
Yes:
"Does a fat dog fart?"
"Does a Koala **** in a gum tree and wipe his ass on a Cockatoo?"
"Does the Pope tuck his shirt in with a wooden spoon?"
"Bloody oath!" "No wucking furries."
No:
"Pig's arse!!"
I'm hungry:
"I could eat the crotch out of a dead leper's undies."
"I could eat the horse and chase the jockey."
"So hungry I could eat the arse out of a low flying duck."
I'm thirsty:
"I'm dry as a dead dingo's donger."
"I'm drier than a nuns nasty."
I'm as dry as a pommie’s bath mat."
"I'm as dry as a bulls bum going up a hill backwards."
"I'm drier than an Arab's fart."
I need to go for a pee:
"Gonna drain me dragon."
"My back teeth are floating."
"Need to syphon the python."
"I got to take a snakes hiss."
"Gonna go water a horse."
"I'm off to drain the main vein."
"Shake hands with the wife's best friend."
I need to do a number two:
"I gotta go give birth to a politician."
"I'm takin' a stroll to the gravy bowl."
"Off to the bog to leave an offering."
"Time to snap off a grogan."
"Have to hang a brown bear in the porcelain cave."
"There's a brown dog barking at the back door."
"I'm going to give birth to your twin."
"Taking out the garbage."
"I gotta back one out."
"Release the Chocolate hostage"
Vomit:
"Calling for Ralph and George."
"I was driving the porcelain bus this morning."
"I left him a lawn pizza."
"Toss a tiger on the carpet."
Insults:
"I hope your ears turn into arseholes and **** on your shoulders."
"Not enough brains to give 'imself a headache!"
"About as useful as **** on a bull."
"You must be the world's only living brain donor."
"He's a few wanks short of an orgasm."
"She had more ****** than a second hand dartboard."
"He had a head on him like a sucked mango."
"May your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny down."
"He's got a few roos loose in the top paddock."
"So stupid that he wouldn't know a tram was up him 'til the bell rang!"
"Couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery."
"Pull your lip over your head and swallow!"
"As ugly as a bucket of arseholes."
"If I had a dog that looked like him, I'd shave it's arse and make it walk backwards."
"Couldn't tell his ass from a hole in the ground."
"Couldn't drive a greasy stick up a dog's arse."
"Couldn't organise a ***** in a brothel with a fist full of fifties."
"About as useful as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking competition."
"I'll kick your bum till your nose bleeds!"
"A stubbie short of a six pack."
"Seen better heads in a piss trough."
"Tighter than a fish's arse."
"So tight that he wouldn't shout if a shark bit him."
"Face like a smashed crab."
"As ugly as a bulldog chewing a wasp."
"He could talk a dog off a meatwagon."
"You've got a head like a half-eaten pastie."
"He wouldn't go two rounds with a revolving door."
"Mate, she’s as rough as a pigs breakfast."
"He's got a face like a cat licking **** off a thistle."
"She's been hit with the fugley stick too many times."
"She's two pick handles wide."
"An arse like two pigs fighting in a sugar bag."
"As ugly as a bag of spanners."
"You've got a head like a dropped pie."
"He thinks his **** don' stink, but his farts give him away."
"I wish his dad had settled for a blow job."
"Fell out of the ugly tree, and hit every branch on the way down."
"If I had a head like yours I'd circumcise it."
"Wouldn't know if someone was up him sideways with an armful of deck chairs."
Compliments:
“ya bloods worth bottling!"
"I'd be up her like a rat up a drain pipe."
"A better man never stood in two shoes!"
Yes:
"Does a fat dog fart?"
"Does a Koala **** in a gum tree and wipe his ass on a Cockatoo?"
"Does the Pope tuck his shirt in with a wooden spoon?"
"Bloody oath!" "No wucking furries."
No:
"Pig's arse!!"
Tazz3
Friend of Leo's
Here is saying my old boss use to day ,,,he has more guitars then carter has pills lol
Gear Grouper
Tele-Meister
- Joined
- Apr 16, 2013
- Posts
- 214
"It is colder than a well diggers buttcrack in the middle of december"
Its going to rain harder than a cow pissing on a flat rock"
Its going to rain harder than a cow pissing on a flat rock"
Westerly Sunn
Poster Extraordinaire
That don't razz my bearings one bit.
(I'm not upset by that.)
I'm ****in' this cat; You just tote off the kittens.
(I'm in charge of this operation. You're just my helper and your advice is neither needed nor desired, so just shut up and do what you're told.)
(I'm not upset by that.)
I'm ****in' this cat; You just tote off the kittens.
(I'm in charge of this operation. You're just my helper and your advice is neither needed nor desired, so just shut up and do what you're told.)
