Need some band advice...

T Prior

Poster Extraordinaire
Mar 17, 2003
Charlotte NC
first off, we all play and have played with difficult personalities, we still do or we will soon, more than once or twice. Its even possible that WE are the difficult personality .

But, playing covers keeps us busy playing music in front of people. Playing originals keeps us busy in the basement and if gigs don't come it will create bad personalities.

Playing covers may prepare you for the next 20 or 30 years and puts you in a place where musically you already fit in.

Playing originals for a "period" of time , in many cases , may bring you back to playing covers again !

How many here have "been here done this" ! LOL :) I'm raising my hand !

IF we play covers, we should play it all, solos and orchestration are part of the songs. It requires the same if not more WORK, as playing originals.

Really, only you can decide what you want to do. Its the music that matters.
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Happy Enchilada

Friend of Leo's
Gold Supporter
Mar 25, 2021
God's Country
Yep. It all hinges on how badly you want the stink that Group 1 has, and how much you can put up with from Mr. Personality. Guessing he's the lead player, right? Lots of ego. Thinks the chicks dig him. So he thinks that makes him a good leader. Wrong. And short of blindsiding him in the parking lot (as per my earlier bad advice), there's hardly any chance you two will become bosom buddies. And if it's "his" band, he'll be there every rehearsal and every gig with his personality hanging out. Who knows, maybe you're not the only one in the group that thinks he's an a$$hat, and maybe he'll eventually leave. But who has that much time to waste?

Group 2, OTOH, offers you a tremendous opportunity to have fun and be respected by a bunch of guys you are comfortable working with. Like T Prior said above, sooner or later everybody comes back to playing covers. Indeed, the "originals" that Group 1 plays may all be Mr. Personality's compositions, and he may have delusions of getting a record contract, etc., which would REALLY turn up the friction in Group 1.

Like Willie Dixon, I am "built for comfort" at this point in my life. And I don't have much time for those who are "built for speed."



Friend of Leo's
Dec 10, 2017
Tokyo, Japan

I’m a little confused as to exactly which band it is, but I’d say pick the one you get the free goat with.

Seriously though, I thought the idea above (forget who, sorry) of asking the more chill band to change practice nights was a really smart first move. If they say yes, you get more time to see how things shake out (assuming you can make it work time wise for yourself for another month or so). If they say no, well, you’ve lost nothing in the process.

That’s what I’d do, as a first step. After that, I’m not so sure. Pull a coup and fire the other guy?

…but I've been playing in bands for more than 50 years, and I haven't seen it get better yet.

I most definitely have not been playing in bands for more than 50 years, but I have been alive for more than 50, and I’d say this pretty much has been my experience in life. Some exceptions, but not many.

One trick I sometimes try to pull (on myself) is just to kinda reprogram my viewpoint to a kind of backseat amused / bemused observer. Just go ‘ha, funny old world’ in my mind and remain slightly detached. Not really ‘go along to get along’ (as that costs you) but more drift over it. If I’m not committed to that one aspect of something, it can’t bother me. Not sure if that makes sense. Doesn’t always work either, as it’s not about actually trying to ignore genuine problems, and I have to know when to deal with an issue that is bothering me, or it’s just hiding a festering sound.*

That’s all I got.

* edit: typo / autocorrection - but I like it :)

lil scotty

Jun 29, 2016
Phoenix, AZ
Tension can be a good thing for the music. I am not trying to make light of being in a frustrating situation, but more like exploring parts of our personalities that are uncomfortable... and things coming out in the music as result of being kicked out of a comfort zone.

That being said, if the music is good, it's good. If not, well...that can be a problem. I want to be challenged by the other musicians, and uncomfortable..I guess. Otherwise I just stay in my mindset of doing what I know...what's safe. That worries me as a player.

For you, don't listen to me or anyone else. Listen to your inner voice.
I would say tension might be good if you’re younger and have grand ambitions. For most of us…ahem…older folks, who needs it?


Friend of Leo's
Sep 5, 2017
West Midlands
How much do you want to gig, Group 1 sounds like that'll happen more quickly?
Were the reasons for cancelling Group 2 pratices good ones or fey?
Group 1 "the pushy guy", is he the singer (goes with the turf)... You're the guitar player, - stand your ground... If it leads to conflict... Group 1 isn't the one!

Serious about playing-out soon ... Group 1
Interested in a longer term project... probably Group 2?


Friend of Leo's
Apr 17, 2007
New England
I’m inclined to go where I can grow and stretch creatively (two original projects at present). I get to write lots in one, and arrange lots in the other.
Neither band has a jerk problem. We’re always stoked to play together.
C19 times have really damped down the gigs, and we still play as often as possible.
Go where you grow.
Caveat: I don’t rely on gigs to pay my bills.


Friend of Leo's
May 16, 2009
Well he hasn’t been here since the day after he made that post, so presumably the problem’s solved—one way or another…
I’m going to go with: too busy touring the world to great success with his pain in the ass band member in Group 1.

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