Need some band advice...

Cosmic Cowboy

Dec 10, 2020
New Mexico
Tension can be a good thing for the music. I am not trying to make light of being in a frustrating situation, but more like exploring parts of our personalities that are uncomfortable... and things coming out in the music as result of being kicked out of a comfort zone.

That being said, if the music is good, it's good. If not, well...that can be a problem. I want to be challenged by the other musicians, and uncomfortable..I guess. Otherwise I just stay in my mindset of doing what I know...what's safe. That worries me as a player.

For you, don't listen to me or anyone else. Listen to your inner voice.


Poster Extraordinaire
Jun 28, 2019
left coast
who's go the best medical benefits, dental, hospitalization, look to the future what happens if there suddenly gigs available?
0000 band.jpg


Friend of Leo's
May 16, 2009
I'd go with Group 2, if you feel you have to make a choice right now.

I've been in a situation with a guy like Group 1. Some pretty good songs were made, even got a song on the radio which made me proud. But it was a grind, because even though I got along with everyone else in the group, it was a total grind working with that one guy.

Maybe your situation would work out differently, but I'd go with the one that is more loose and seemingly more fun, personally. Unless you were walking into an established band that was already making good money, if you're starting from scratch and money isn't a guarantee either way, I'd go for fun.

Happy Enchilada

Friend of Leo's
Gold Supporter
Mar 25, 2021
God's Country
Alternative Idea:

Fake an injury and stop going to practices with Group 2 for a while.
Then one night after rehearsal with Group 1, follow the D-bag out to his car and blindside him. Hard.
While he's waking up, tell him to NEVER treat you like that again.
Then help him up off the tarmac, shake hands, and stay in Group 1.

Oh ... my bad. Thought your thread was asking for BAD advice. Please ignore. o_O


Silver Supporter
Jun 22, 2010
Osaka, Japan
I don't understand the deal with the guy in group 1 well enough to say one way or the other


Aug 12, 2014
Turku, Finland

Welp, I'm in need of some advice/a non-personal perspective on a situation I've got brewing. Basically, I need to pick one group out of the two I'm currently working with, but I'm having hard time figuring out what step to take. Not going to bury everyone in details and don't expect y'all to solve my problem, just going outline the "big picture" stuff and see what everyone thinks. I've been in several groups over the past twenty years and feel like I understand this sort of thing well, but I'm struggling with this one. FYI, these are not professional groups, just weekend warrior/amateur things with potential for shows.

Group 1:
Been playing with these guys a couple of months. Pretty good original tunes and good players overall with lots of band experience. Music is in a style that is relatively new to me, but I enjoy playing it and challenges me in good ways. Definitely looking to gig soon, which is a big plus for me as well. That said, I feel like one guy (one of the "main guys" if you will) and I don't mesh very well. I'm still trying to figure him out and allow that maybe I just need to get to know him better. Maybe I'm a little keyed up and oversensitive because this is a new thing, but every practice and on some text chats I've felt moderately put off by his manner and how he interacts with me and other members of the group. He's not a total jerk or anything (funny guy, actually), but given his "shot-caller" status in the group I wonder how this plays out long-term. The other guys and I get along fine.

Group 2:
Have only played with these guys a couple of weeks. Very different kind of style than Group 1 and more of a "nostalgia/feel like a teenager again" thing for me, if that makes sense. More "comfort zone" for me than challenging, but the tunes/sound are interesting in all the right ways for me. Good guys on first impression, but I don't know them quite as well. Probably going to be all originals with this one, which I somewhat prefer (the covers suggested for Group 1 are not my cup of tea, but I'd play them). This situation is a bit looser than Group 1; we've canceled two practices in the past four weeks. Gigs are definitely a goal, but how quickly we get there (if we get there) seem to be a big question mark. Also not entirely sure how committed the other guys are at this stage (the other two play in other groups as well), but again I don't this group as well as the other.

I've got to make a decision because both groups practice on the same night each week :D But even if they didn't, I've really only got the bandwidth (no pun intended) for one at this point.

Appreciate everyone's time on this one! Thanks!

So you've got to choose between being in Rainbow or Nickelback... no, no hear me out...
Ronnie James Dio(rest his soul) was described as the nicest man in rock. When questioned about that he said something like that was because he was trying to
offset how much of a poop orifice Ritchie Blackmore was. Ritchie Blackmore of course is one of the great riffmaster generals(Smoke on the Water, Stargazer, Since You've Been Gone etc.).
This sounds like group 1: Challenging material, definitely going somewhere... and an abrasive shot caller.

On the other hand you've got group 2. Your Nickelback for this exercise. You've got a group that plays immediately recognizable and rehashed stuff, which can be very much
fun in the right mindset for both the audience and the band. But being in that band is not going to be trailblazing for anybody. If you want the familiar "old slipper" feel,
then this is where you'll get it in spades. Nostalgia and deeply ingrained chord progressions(four-chord, anyone?) can be a powerful thing.

I'd say, if you have to pick, go with group 1 for now. However, don't burn your bridges with group 2 as they might be your safe haven if things go south with group 1.


Oct 28, 2020
Chester, Uk
Group 1

I get what you mean about them not being the covers you’d choose, but in ANY situation where others are involved some
Compromise is usually needed. In any case you say the original material challenges you, and takes you out of your comfort zone, which is defintely what’s needed for you to get the most out of your music.

Group2 will just be a comfort cruise, where you’ll stagnate.

as others have said though, you can always also keep looking

Fiesta Red

Poster Extraordinaire
Nov 15, 2010
Here’s a bad analogy:

Band One sounds like a extremely good-looking girl with either (at best) no personality or (at worst) a negative personality.

Band Two sounds like an average-to-nice-looking girl who has an awesome personality and a great sense of humor, and who you’d like to hang out with on a long-term basis.

Personality trumps Looks every time.

chris m.

Doctor of Teleocity
Mar 25, 2003
Santa Barbara, California
As per my earlier post on another thread regarding a problematic drummer, if you're leaning towards band 1 then it may come down to your assessment of how bad the problem guy is in band 1, and whether you're up to investing the leadership and conflict resolution skills required to get this guy in the functional team member zone. Whether you want to at least make the attempt, anyway.

Yes, some people are "knobs" and irredeemable, especially if they are also substance abusers. But look at any championship team in sport or anything else and I'll be you there are some former knobs that got brought around to being team players.

That's what Season 1 of Ted Lasso is all about, actually....a coach who knows nothing about soccer, but who has good HR skills and actually brings a dysfunctional team together. It definitely takes a lot of energy to pull off. Especially if the guy somehow is the designated leader so now you're "managing up".


Poster Extraordinaire
Apr 14, 2006
Colorado Springs, CO
A view from another side. Almost always when the top musicians are asked how they got in a band or gig the answer is somebody recommended me as a person easy to get along with.

So from that view would you recommend bandleader one to your friends? If not, why would you want him in your band?