My Mom, my life & TDPRI

[LGOberean]

I’m posting a personal update that’s not directly related to telecaster discussion or even guitar discussion in general. I’m just going on record that I will have less time available to me to spend on TDPRI.

I posted a few weeks ago about my mother’s coming to stay with us. She really can’t live on her own anymore, and to date she has been shuttled around Texas between my siblings and myself. That was a less than ideal arrangement for her, very disorienting.

Well, Mom’s “visit” has turned into a permanent arrangement. My sister never was an ideal caregiver, in no small part because of the guy she’s shacked up with. A few months ago he evidently had a temper tantrum and put his foot down, so Mom’s no longer welcome except for short visits.

My older brother and his wife are very caring and good to Mom, but they have taken on responsibilities of caring for their grandchildren, and so adding my 90 year old Mom to the mix is quite taxing on them.

So even before Mom’s stay with us in April was over, Beth and I decided to make it a permanent arrangement. She will live with us now, for as long as we are able to care for her needs. And it wasn’t a hard decision to make. Her stay with us has been really good so far. And Beth is just wonderful. She has a family history going back to her grandmother of caring for the elderly, and she’s a natural.

As for Mom's needs, like I said, she’s 90, and will turn 91 in 3 weeks. She’s frail, but not immobile. She walks with a cane, and would probably do better with a walker, but she doesn’t think of herself as old and frail as she is, so for now, she walks with a cane, and holds on to my arm going up or down steps.

Mom has Alzheimer’s. I’m only just starting to learn about the condition, but according to one measurement scale of Alzheimer’s progression, Mom’s probably at stage 5. Since she’ll be moving here, we’ve spoken with our doctor’s practice, and they will take her as a patient.

What was my office/library/man cave is now (mostly) Mom’s room. Now when I get on the interwebs or TDPRI, I do so on my laptop set up on the kitchen table. So I'm on my computer less than before, and on TDPRI even less. So I'll be more rare in my appearances here, but it’ll be because of this change in our lives, not because I’m dead, in ill health, or mad at anybody.

 

[ddewerd]

You have a good heart

Sometimes ya just gotta do what ya gotta do

Wishing you, your mom, and your wife (and the rest of the family too) all the best!

Cheers,
Doug

 

[kuch]

I commend you and your mrs. for the sacrifice you're making to take your mom in. wishing you the best.

don't forget to take care of yourselves too.

 

[Cali Dude]

You have a good heart. I hope your Mother does well staying with you. Wish you guys the best.

 

[lammie200]

Just visited my mom a couple of weeks ago for a week. She is 89 and not very mobile at all. I put up some grab bars in her house to help her. My six other siblings and myself have made arrangements for her to live in assisted care but she doesn't want to leave her house. I am fine with that but I have come to the acceptance that she will likely pass away in her house by herself someday.

 

[Strat Jacket]

We went this route with my MIL 10 years ago. It was a long haul and frustrating at times as she was very cantankerous and hard to get along with, but that's what family does. I commend you on your selfless actions and wish you the best. Stop in and see us when you can, but I, for one, understand. Best of luck to you!

 

[Preacher]

Man I feel ya and good on ya for taking care of your Mom.

My Dad passed away 10 years back, my mom is still with us and lives a few hours away. We are not close, our family has never been that tight knit and we all pretty much live our own lives. 15 years ago my younger brother had some issues with alcohol, to the point where his wife divorced him, he lost his job and moved in with my mom. That lasted about two years until my my mother decided to move and was not going to take my brother with her.
My brother I think thought she was kidding, he was unemployed but was getting unemployment payments although he was not contributing to the household.
So mom sells the house, the truck is loaded and my brother brings out a TV, gaming station and a duffel bag with all of his stuff in it. He puts it at the end of the garage waiting for the truck loaders to load when Mom steps in. "Do not load this stuff. It is not mine" and then she tells my brother that he is not moving with her, and he has had two months to plan. He starts sulking, takes his stuff back to his bedroom which has been cleaned out and then leaves to go to a bar somewhere.

I told my mom I appreciated her honesty and tough love and that she did not need to take care of her 37 year old son.
The truck left, my mom left and she left my brother at the house that she had sold by himself. It was pretty funny when I overheard a story that my mom's realtor told where she went back to the house a week after my mom moved to check over the house. She found my brother in his underwear asleep on the couch that the new owners had purchased from my mom. The realtor told him that he was going to have to move as the new owners were not interested in him living with them.

My brother ended up moving in with a buddy of his and this worked for the next six months until his unemployment ran out and he could not supply beer any longer. He called my mom and begged to come live with her and she told him no.

He eventually ended up not doing his court appointed stuff and found himself in jail. However after 8 months he was released and my mom sent him a bus ticket and he moved back in with her.

So I wrote all of this to detail what happened a few weeks ago.

I get a call from my aunt who tells me that my mom fell and broke her hip. Apparently my brother was there but was too busy doing something on his computer that he could not take her to the hospital to get checked out (they were not sure if she had broken anything yet) so they called an ambulance. Mom broke a hip and had to have a replacement.

She was going to have to go to rehab but would get released to go home in twenty days. However my brother can't be bothered to take care of her so she had moved in with my aunt.

I am so mad at my brother who has lived off my mom for the last 15 years and can't be bothered to help her when he is still unemployed.

I just hope when I get older that my kids will take care of me.

 

[MisterZ]

I feel all the feels for you. My mom was 91 when she died, and had spent the final 18 months with age related dementia. The last 3 months were in a nursing home. And just today we moved my mother-in-law to nursing care from assisted living; she is in stage 5 Alzheimer's. It's only a matter of time now.

It's seriously rough. Make sure you take time for yourself because you'll need it.

 

[thunderbyrd]

if your mom is not a combative person, be very grateful for that. it makes a huge difference. i can tell you from experience.

 

[GGardner]

As has been pointed out, you have a good heart. But your wife's might be better.

 

[Robert H.]

Best wishes to you and your family. No easy matter, but we have to help loved ones when they need us. Don't forget to play your Tele every now and then...

 

[Toto'sDad]

I read all of this thread, and I'm going to have to digest it to even have an opinion about the whole thing. My initial reaction is best wishes for the OP, and I hope he does well with his decision to care for his mom.

We had my mom living with us when we were young, but not until we had been married for a while. It did not work out very well. My wife is a darling of a woman, but most households only have room for one woman, and my wife is a one-woman household person. When my mother was ill though, my wife was quick to rise to the occasion and care for her, just not at her house.

We have had a few temporary extended stay guests over the years, but nothing long term. My wife brought her brother to the house when he was on the down and out. I gave that three weeks and told them both, this isn't working out, the brother has to go. He responded well, it cost me a little bit of money to get him out on his own, but it was money well spent. I did tell my wife her brother was the caboose on the particular train.

I don't know what the future holds for us. We have lived far longer than we thought we would. We are still self-sufficient, and don't see us needing anything in the foreseeable future, but logic would dictate that is going to change.

Final thoughts, my wife would be welcome at either my daughter's place, or my younger son's. I would not even consider moving in with either. I have basically been a loaner when it comes to fending for myself all of my life. I'd rather buy me a very small trailer and live in a dump trailer park.

 

[telleutelleme]

Bless you and your wife for your choice. I wish you the absolute best in the time going forward. I am sure we all are and will be thinking of and praying for you and your family.

 

[String Tree]

I’m posting a personal update that’s not directly related to telecaster discussion or even guitar discussion in general. I’m just going on record that I will have less time available to me to spend on TDPRI.

I posted a few weeks ago about my mother’s coming to stay with us. She really can’t live on her own anymore, and to date she has been shuttled around Texas between my siblings and myself. That was a less than ideal arrangement for her, very disorienting.

Well, Mom’s “visit” has turned into a permanent arrangement. My sister never was an ideal caregiver, in no small part because of the guy she’s shacked up with. A few months ago he evidently had a temper tantrum and put his foot down, so Mom’s no longer welcome except for short visits.

My older brother and his wife are very caring and good to Mom, but they have taken on responsibilities of caring for their grandchildren, and so adding my 90 year old Mom to the mix is quite taxing on them.

So even before Mom’s stay with us in April was over, Beth and I decided to make it a permanent arrangement. She will live with us now, for as long as we are able to care for her needs. And it wasn’t a hard decision to make. Her stay with us has been really good so far. And Beth is just wonderful. She has a family history going back to her grandmother of caring for the elderly, and she’s a natural.

As for Mom's needs, like I said, she’s 90, and will turn 91 in 3 weeks. She’s frail, but not immobile. She walks with a cane, and would probably do better with a walker, but she doesn’t think of herself as old and frail as she is, so for now, she walks with a cane, and holds on to my arm going up or down steps.

Mom has Alzheimer’s. I’m only just starting to learn about the condition, but according to one measurement scale of Alzheimer’s progression, Mom’s probably at stage 5. Since she’ll be moving here, we’ve spoken with our doctor’s practice, and they will take her as a patient.

What was my office/library/man cave is now (mostly) Mom’s room. Now when I get on the interwebs or TDPRI, I do so on my laptop set up on the kitchen table. So I'm on my computer less than before, and on TDPRI even less. So I'll be more rare in my appearances here, but it’ll be because of this change in our lives, not because I’m dead, in ill health, or mad at anybody.

Good on ya LGO, all my best to you and your Family.
-ST

 

[HaWE]

I’m posting a personal update that’s not directly related to telecaster discussion or even guitar discussion in general. I’m just going on record that I will have less time available to me to spend on TDPRI.

I posted a few weeks ago about my mother’s coming to stay with us. She really can’t live on her own anymore, and to date she has been shuttled around Texas between my siblings and myself. That was a less than ideal arrangement for her, very disorienting.

Well, Mom’s “visit” has turned into a permanent arrangement. My sister never was an ideal caregiver, in no small part because of the guy she’s shacked up with. A few months ago he evidently had a temper tantrum and put his foot down, so Mom’s no longer welcome except for short visits.

My older brother and his wife are very caring and good to Mom, but they have taken on responsibilities of caring for their grandchildren, and so adding my 90 year old Mom to the mix is quite taxing on them.

So even before Mom’s stay with us in April was over, Beth and I decided to make it a permanent arrangement. She will live with us now, for as long as we are able to care for her needs. And it wasn’t a hard decision to make. Her stay with us has been really good so far. And Beth is just wonderful. She has a family history going back to her grandmother of caring for the elderly, and she’s a natural.

As for Mom's needs, like I said, she’s 90, and will turn 91 in 3 weeks. She’s frail, but not immobile. She walks with a cane, and would probably do better with a walker, but she doesn’t think of herself as old and frail as she is, so for now, she walks with a cane, and holds on to my arm going up or down steps.

Mom has Alzheimer’s. I’m only just starting to learn about the condition, but according to one measurement scale of Alzheimer’s progression, Mom’s probably at stage 5. Since she’ll be moving here, we’ve spoken with our doctor’s practice, and they will take her as a patient.

What was my office/library/man cave is now (mostly) Mom’s room. Now when I get on the interwebs or TDPRI, I do so on my laptop set up on the kitchen table. So I'm on my computer less than before, and on TDPRI even less. So I'll be more rare in my appearances here, but it’ll be because of this change in our lives, not because I’m dead, in ill health, or mad at anybody.

All the best to you, your wife and your mother.
And my deep and honest respect to you and your wife for taking care of your mother the way you do !

 

[Blue Bill]

Hi Larry, hanks for letting us know. Living with an elderly parent, of course, has it's challenges and difficulties. It's also an opportunity to get an expanded perception of being human. I hope it goes well for you. I'll be thinking of you and praying for grace and comfort for your family.

Don't be a total stranger, keep us posted.

 

[Deeve]

@LGOberean - yup; we do these things.
Sounds like sister's place wouldn't be a "good fit" and your home is just that - Home for mom.
We sleep better when we're doing the right thing...
Peace - Deeve

 

[RCinMempho]

Enjoy every good day. You won't regret it.

 

[LGOberean]

Mom just lay down for a nap. Me time.

Thanks, y'all, for your thoughts and prayers and well wishes. I've got the easy job: talking, playing guitar and singing.

I talk to Mom a lot throughout the day, and get her to talking. I don't mind at all repeating stories (some of them are even true), so having the same conversations and hearing Mom tell the same stories over and over again doesn't bother me.

I've heard from several sources how helpful to seniors music can be, and it's an easy thing to do for Mom. Both of my parents were musical. Mom is musical; she sang in a trio before she ever met my Dad in college. Dad played guitar and sang, Mom would harmonize with him. As a child of the '50s I learned a lot of their songs.

Now they're songs are a part of my performance repertoire when I volunteer to play and sing each week for a retirement community here in town. Mom has gone with me to that gig, and she loves it. She gets a lot of affirmation from the residents there. There is a paying gig that I do at a marina in the area, and she enjoys that. So I'm able to do something for her that probably helps her connect with memories and feelings, that is therapeutic for her. And for me doing it is as easy as falling off a log.

if your mom is not a combative person, be very grateful for that. it makes a huge difference. i can tell you from experience.

Mom's personality is a funny mix: she has a very independent spirit, but at the same time might be the most compliant person on the planet. She has given us no trouble whatsoever. Of course, with the dementia, I realize there may come a time when she goes through an angry stage. We'll just have to take things as they come, and do the best we can.

As has been pointed out, you have a good heart. But your wife's might be better.

There is no "might be" about it.

 

[GGardner]

There is no "might be" about it.

Yeah, I was being diplomatic.