My friend is losing his mind

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by spurgie79, Nov 30, 2012.

  1. spurgie79

    spurgie79 Tele-Holic

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    I have a childhood friend that works in I.T. His dad did some sort of psychological trauma on him and he was a dork in high school. He wasn't a dork actually, he was really quite popular but his first crush turned him down so his self image isn't that great. He used to work out, set goals, work hard to accomplish them and date beautiful women.

    Anymore he stays at home and plays video games and posts rants about society on F/B. He is becoming more hostile towards everyone around him and more of a shut in. We still keep in touch and are on good terms and I have talked to him about getting out and meeting people, picking up a hobby, etc.

    It seems that everytime he comes around, he goes back to the psychotic side. He is self aware enough to know what he's doing and I think he actually likes to pretend that he doesn't care and he's some bad ass guy. He's not, really, he's a pretty sensitive guy that is over compensating. I'm at the point where I've just given up and I'm not going to bother with it anymore. I plan on keeping in touch to a degree and I won't end the friendship over it, I just think he's missing out on life by not having friends to hang out with, productive things to do outside of work and all of the other stuff that keeps people grounded.

    I know that people have to figure things out on their own but I wish there was a way to get him to see that the ability to be a nice guy and network with friends will make him happier in the long run rather than being angry by choice.

    Any advice...?
     
  2. johnnyrotten

    johnnyrotten Tele-Meister

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    I'm interested in hearing advice also. I've self diagnosed myself with basically the same issues.
     
  3. rwsand

    rwsand Tele-Afflicted

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    It sounds like your friend is hobbled with fear, anger or both. It very addicting and prevalent in today's polarized media driven society. Becoming introverted as a result is his protective cloak so nothing good gets in. I would suggest therapy. If it gets too out of hand he could become self destructive.
     
  4. w3stie

    w3stie Poster Extraordinaire

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    Sounds like he's lucky to have you as a friend. Keep in touch with him, don't judge him, try and do normal stuff together. The ball is really in his court, if it gets too hard, you may have to let him go to save your own sanity.
     
  5. spurgie79

    spurgie79 Tele-Holic

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    I've been down the judging road. Not self righteously but in the "lets get to the root of this" way. My friends call me out on my b.s. I call them out on theirs. We tend to keep each other on track that way to help each other succeed. (I'm military) he doesn't have any experience with that kind of friendship...so...it's difficult.
     
  6. CountryVoodoo

    CountryVoodoo Tele-Meister

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    Same here...
     
  7. Mike Eskimo

    Mike Eskimo Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Jim Carrey solved a lot of my problems.

    Seriously.

    He was in a movie called "The Yes Man".

    Plot :

    Bank loan officer Carl Allen has become withdrawn since his divorce from ex-wife Stephanie Routinely ignoring his friends Pete and Rooney, he has an increasingly negative outlook on his life. One day, an old colleague suggests that he goes to a "Yes!" seminar with him, which encourages its attendants to seize the opportunity to say "Yes!". Carl considers the option, but subsequently misses Pete's engagement party. An irate Pete turns up at his house and berates him, telling him that he will end up completely lonely if he does not change his life. Carl decides to attend the seminar and meets inspirational guru Terrence Bundley, who publicly browbeats him into making a covenant with himself. Carl reluctantly promises to stop being a "No Man" and vows to answer "Yes!" to every opportunity, request or invitation that presents itself thereafter.


    So - I did that.


    Had a lot more fun, saw things, met people, new experiences - fuller life.

    I'm back at about 50% of where I was before but it ebbs and flows.

    Sometimes I need to kick back but I don't make a habit of it.

    Before you know it, something or someone comes up and I just unconsciously say "Yeah, sure - let's do that, go there" - whatever.

    It's really surprising - still amazes me.

    Life's better when you have more stories...
     
  8. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Good news doesn't sell. Bad news does, we are constantly bombarded with what sells, if you soak up very much of that stuff, you will become a lunatic in short order.
     
  9. 20721

    20721 Former Member

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    I have a parent that does this. Some people - quite a lot of people, actually, as it turns out - prefer to be miserable and lonely. Let them and let go of them. The only thing they love more than their misery is dragging others down with them.

    Good luck.
     
  10. MonkeyKing

    MonkeyKing Tele-Meister

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    or MAYBE he needs therapy and medication.
     
  11. lendryesky

    lendryesky Tele-Afflicted

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    I have extreme (according to the Yale Brown OCD scale) OCD. I've been a shut-in all my adult life largely due to it. My first attempt to break that (ie: starting a friendship with a girl) resulted in me in the psyche ward after I tried to kill myself. Three years later there's no light at the end of the tunnel, it's just gotten darker with numerous family deaths. I'm in the worst shape of my life right now and I don't doubt suicide is in my near future.

    Every time I see somebody casually throw around the acronym "OCD" like "I'm OCD about keeping my car clean." I want to punch them. OCD is psychological torture. It's not some quirky thing a person has that makes them good at solving mysteries. If i were "OCD about keeping my car clean" I'd be inside for 8 hours everyday cleaning every little spec with a toothbrush, while still feeling like it's not clean enough and going back and doing everything over again. Not stopping to sleep or eat. Not to get a bit too trite or OT, but the Fulltone OCD is very offensive to me for this reason. It's like using the "R-word" for mentally challenged people for a pedal. People can say "don't be offended by something that stupid" but until you've lived it, don't tell me what I shouldn't be offended by.
     
  12. TeleKato

    TeleKato Friend of Leo's

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    I'm starting to think any of us who work in I.T. have issues .... :rolleyes:

    My eldest son has schizophrenia (early onset -- diagnosed when he was 13). Now the silver lining in that horrible dark cloud was that we were able to shepherd him through it because he was at an age when it was natural for him to be under parental control (as opposed to those who get it 'normally' at 21, when they're already into the world and in most cases beyond any oversight). Anyway, now he's 23. He quit his meds about seven months ago. He has not had what I would call any psychosis in the clinical sense ... but he is different.

    Right now, he's obsessed with the 12/21/2012 event; he doesn't believe the world will end, but instead that it's a reset point. He is extremely smart (very, very high IQ) and can be reasoned with; I've told him that my concern with his view is that unlike someone who thinks the world will end and when it doesn't, move on -- this 'reset' view means he (and his colleagues) can just continue to think we're in end-times almost without end, and thus never face 'reality' of life being what it is. He has a great sense of humor and I bore-ass him about things (like alien armies battling the Chinese navy off the coast of the US) ... all the conspiracy theory stuff he dwells upon. But I don't push it. I don't belittle his viewpoint or criticize him for having it. In reality, he IS an adult and can make his own decisions.

    So my advice after all that rambling? Be his friend (as I am being my son's father) but don't take his burdens upon yourself to solve. They aren't your burdens -- they're his. And in truth, he may not be wanting you to solve them -- he sure as hell isn't going to change because you want him to. Be there as you can for him -- but don't get dragged into his world. When the time comes and he does want your help (in getting out, etc.) if you're outside of the world he's created, all the better ... because at that time, he'll be looking for help in getting out of it too!

    Oh ... and tell him to take up the guitar. Hell, maybe even buy him one. I've found it has helped me focus on other things. In fact, I think I'll send my son one of my Teles and a Champ600 amp. That would be especially great since ... he's living with his mother now and it'll drive her crazy!!! :twisted:

    Good luck with all this. Really ... you're a good friend for caring.
     
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2012
  13. Big_Bend

    Big_Bend Poster Extraordinaire

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    Therapy, the right medications, eating healthy foods, staying sober, and extreme exercise.

    Pretty simple really, but these are the keys to solving almost every major problem that people have.

    Much easier said than done of course.


    lendryesky - I too hope you can find peace. Hang in there man!


    Good luck everybody.
     
  14. Duncas

    Duncas Friend of Leo's

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    some people are wired to be 'loners' as it were and dont naturally want to be around people. you just have to be a good friend.
     
  15. SacDAve

    SacDAve Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

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    How old is your friend? The reason I ask I notice in some people I know in my age group ( 60) over the years have drifted into a negative place. Some of them have had a major set back in life, but most have just gone off the deep end for no noticeable reason.
     
  16. flinx

    flinx Tele-Meister

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    There is some truth to that...i prefer to be alone most of the time...i am married and enjoy spending time with some family members, also plan hiking/camping trips with a couple of friends a few times a year...but 70% of the time i like to be home in my cacoon with just my wife and dog...i can only take small doses of family and friends...i went through the news and conspiracy phase...i left all that behind and focus on more positive things.
     
  17. Mjark

    Mjark Doctor of Teleocity Silver Supporter

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    See a mental health professional.
     
  18. Stringbender11

    Stringbender11 Tele-Meister

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    I sympathize with your situation, OP. But sure dont have the answer, your story describes my father to a large degree and others I have met over my life. The thing is its hard to change someone's outlook if they're determined to just view things a certain way, & are not at all open to seeing things in a different light. I think you can change younger people sometimes, but once someone is an adult it seems almost impossible.
    My thought would be just try and be the guy's friend like you have been doing in whatever limited doses you can take, you might be one of the only people he has any real contact with socially.
     
  19. spurgie79

    spurgie79 Tele-Holic

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    We're 33. I work with a guy in his early 50's that is exactly as you describe. He's accomplished a lot but he looks for the bad in everything and if it's not there, he'll make it up. I've seen him tell a lie about a situation and work himself into a frenzy over it. About a week ago a group of us went out to have a beer after work. Two guys in their 20's started talking trash to each other, not in a bad way but in a way that young guys do. He got involved in it and things got physical. The young guys were trying to be respectful of him. He saw it as weakness, not respect. It was sad and pathetic to see a guy in that condition. People blame alcohol but I see that as a cop out. He seems to think that he's entitled to something and life hasn't rewarded him so he's lashing out at others...alcohol probably made the situation worse but in my opinion was not the cause of it.

    I think my friend has a low opinion of himself and is a loner by nature and now that he has accomplished something with his life, he's over compensating by acting aggressive and being a jerk. He's on all kinds of meds, from what I hear but I actually wonder if they are making everything worse. We were about 14 when he started to act aggressive (a 14 year old boy acting aggressive, REALLY?!) I think maybe he started medication as an easy way of dealing with the stresses of life when he really didn't need them.
     
  20. AndyLowry

    AndyLowry Friend of Leo's

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    I understand what you're saying and sympathize, but keep in mind that the disorder has a wide spectrum. I suspect that many of us are obsessive and compulsive about some aspect of our lives; I know I am. You're at one end of the range, and I'm at the other. We can both recognize our behaviors and occasionally laugh at ourselves, and I'd guess that's usually what you're seeing when you see offhand self-deprecation about OCD-ish situations.

    A lot of folks are ignorant about various mental illnesses, but then one should expect them to be unless they (or someone near to them) are fellow sufferers. I would have simply described people with psychoses as "crazy" until it happened to me; now I have a different viewpoint.
     
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