My Friend calls when his Wife is out of the house...and I thought I knew why!

[Tonetele]

Sounds like he has a problem with his wfe which I'm not willing to say anymore about.

 

[bender66]

When you 2 talk hasnt he figured out that you'd be ignoring his wife during the conversation? How disrespectful of you.

...unless.

 

[Askwhy]

This type of issue can only be settled with an honest and genuine talk in person at the Olive Garden. You both have to get there via motorcycle.

 

[Informal]

I do the same thing when I talk to to people, not because of trust issues... It just seems that every time I make a call to shoot the sheet, with a buddy, or my brother... That's when my wife becomes chatty Kathy instantly.

 

[redhouse_ca]

I have a friend, not a close friend...I've never been to his house...a musical friend...we were once briefly in a band together...who calls me, usually on Sunday night, when his wife is out...she takes care of an older lady. And I always thought it was just so we could have a private chat, mostly about music and health...he and I have the same heart doctor.

Then tonight it dawned on me that maybe he's checking to see if his wife was at my house. He's joked about me liking her and I, thinking he was joking, have joked back along those lines, too, never thinking a thing about it...till tonight. But what if he was serious? He's had some alcohol problems and depression, too, so I'm worried that he thinks something is going on, and it's certainly not. He always jokes that I never call him and it's because I know he calls when she's away, and I never know when that is, so I don't call. He hasn't called in a few weeks.

I wish I'd never had that thought.

Jeez. I can think of a couple of other possibilities for calling but I'll spare you the weight of having to think about the

 

[kuch]

Wow, you guys all have very active imagination.
It could be as simple as he's not comfortable with talking to you with his wife in the room. She might be a "hoverer" who listens in on his conversations and makes comments on it. She might be jealous of him talking to or having other friends.

But, it also could be what you guys are suggesting too....

 

[Cheap Trills]

Maybe he stopped calling because he's sorted out his trust issues with his wife. That would be a good spin on things. Or maybe he found out who she's really cheating with so he doesn't need to check on you anymore.

 

[dogmeat]

"nah... your wife is too ugly"

"hey... why don't you put one of those tracker things on her car"

it's all down hill from there...

like... "hey... tell her next time she's over"

it'll only get worse

 

[Strat Jacket]

All kidding aside, there are enough wackos out there (especially as of late) that it would be in your best interest to nip this in the bud. Especially since you aren't that close of friends.
Simply stop taking his calls. Let them roll to voicemail and don't return them.

 

[arlum]

There's not much to do on a Sunday night. If he's as bad off as he sounds maybe she just sneaks off into the basement to bring his simmer to a boil.

 

[Ricky D.]

I agree. I won't joke about that stuff again. I'll just pretend I didn't hear it and let it pass.



I would but he isn't allowed to drive right now because of an alcohol related accident.

I wouldn’t “just let it pass”. That would be the worst possible way to handle it. If he mentions it again, he’s thinking about it and measuring your reaction. You need to negate it.

 

[Lou Tencodpees]

I'll occasionally call people that I normally don't when my wife is out of town. I do it out of boredom or to seize an opportunity, not to check if there's anything going on.

On the other hand maybe his wife has given him reason to be suspicious about you, like bringing you up in conversation "too often", etc.

Personally, if you're not close and fairly confident he's not calling you to be a pal, I'd just remove myself from the whole drama. Whaddya gonna do, start building alibis to allay this guy's suspicions?

 

[Mike Eskimo]

Don’t have anything to do with people that have mental health issues combined with substance related issues.

Unless :

1.) they live in your house and are a blood relative

2.) you are a psychiatrist/psychologist/substance abuse specialist

 

[jackinjax]

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone?
It's not warm when she's away?
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone?
And she's always gone too long?
Anytime she goes away?

 

[Trenchant63]

Don’t have anything to do with people that have mental health issues combined with substance related issues.

Unless :

1.) they live in your house and are a blood relative

2.) you are a psychiatrist/psychologist/substance abuse specialist

Sound advice indeed. Redirect them to professional help!

 

[2HBStrat]

...On the other hand maybe his wife has given him reason to be suspicious about you, like bringing you up in conversation "too often", etc....

I don't think I've ever done that. If I ever have I be careful to not do it again. He DID recently tell me that after his last DUI and he got straightened out that things have been better between the two of them than ever before. And besides all that while, she seems to be a good woman, she's not really my type anyway. FWIW

 

[Jupiter]

Maybe he's into naked phone conversations and he waits until his wife is out

We should consider all possibilities

 

[getbent]

maybe he is jealous of his wife and fancies you himself....

 

[staxman]

For what it’s worth, your side of the story rings totally true with me. Earlier in my life when I had dalliances with married women, I never answered the phone. One of the important rules of the OPP Club.

 

[hotraman]

I have a friend, not a close friend...I've never been to his house...a musical friend...we were once briefly in a band together...who calls me, usually on Sunday night, when his wife is out...she takes care of an older lady. And I always thought it was just so we could have a private chat, mostly about music and health...he and I have the same heart doctor.

Then tonight it dawned on me that maybe he's checking to see if his wife was at my house. He's joked about me liking her and I, thinking he was joking, have joked back along those lines, too, never thinking a thing about it...till tonight. But what if he was serious? He's had some alcohol problems and depression, too, so I'm worried that he thinks something is going on, and it's certainly not. He always jokes that I never call him and it's because I know he calls when she's away, and I never know when that is, so I don't call. He hasn't called in a few weeks.

I wish I'd never had that thought.

Hmm. I would just ask him. And maybe he just wants to talk. Friendship is a two way street, especially at my age. I would reach out to him, just to check up on him.