My Friend calls when his Wife is out of the house...and I thought I knew why!

[2HBStrat]

I have a friend, not a close friend...I've never been to his house...a musical friend...we were once briefly in a band together...who calls me, usually on Sunday night, when his wife is out...she takes care of an older lady. And I always thought it was just so we could have a private chat, mostly about music and health...he and I have the same heart doctor.

Then tonight it dawned on me that maybe he's checking to see if his wife was at my house. He's joked about me liking her and I, thinking he was joking, have joked back along those lines, too, never thinking a thing about it...till tonight. But what if he was serious? He's had some alcohol problems and depression, too, so I'm worried that he thinks something is going on, and it's certainly not. He always jokes that I never call him and it's because I know he calls when she's away, and I never know when that is, so I don't call. He hasn't called in a few weeks.

I wish I'd never had that thought.

 

[Twofingerlou]

Maybe he confused your number for the mailman?

 

[mexicanyella]

It’s possible he calls because talking to you is a comfort for him.

I’ve had down days where my wife was out having dinner or visiting or even at a work function, and I was home feeling unmoored and unhappy.

I never really pondered whether there was a causality at work there; I just knew I felt unhappy, and sometimes calling someone at those times took my mind off it.

Maybe that’s all it is. Not to say that couldn’t reach concerning proportions or to make light of it, but maybe it’s not driven by jealousy or distrust.

Is this guy someone you could talk about that to? The potential benefit might outweigh the potential awkwardness.

 

[middy]

I have a friend, not a close friend...I've never been to his house...a musical friend...we were once briefly in a band together...who calls me, usually on Sunday night, when his wife is out...she takes care of an older lady. And I always thought it was just so we could have a private chat, mostly about music and health...he and I have the same heart doctor.

Then tonight it dawned on me that maybe he's checking to see if his wife was at my house. He's joked about me liking her and I, thinking he was joking, have joked back along those lines, too, never thinking a thing about it...till tonight. But what if he was serious? He's had some alcohol problems and depression, too, so I'm worried that he thinks something is going on, and it's certainly not. He always jokes that I never call him and it's because I know he calls when she's away, and I never know when that is, so I don't call. He hasn't called in a few weeks.

I wish I'd never had that thought.

Bingo. I’ve had a similar call in the past.

 

[NoTeleBob]

Probably just lonely or bored when his wife is out.

You can make up all kind of scenarios in your head if you want to. Doesn't do anyone any good.

 

[MarkieMark]

Don't give him my number...

 

[Bob Womack]

I know some guys who are seriously gregarious, as in, the last thing on earth they want to do is spend time alone. One of them calls me and comes over whenever his wife is out. It is totally unrelated to whether or not his wife is over here because I put him on speaker phone with my wife when he calls.

Next time he calls, just invite him over.

Bob

 

[FuncleManson]

I believe a person only has so much "emotional capital" to spend. IMO, you should save yours for important stuff, like when loved ones are sick or pass away, etc. This situation is way to on the periphery to worry about. You'll burn yourself out.

 

[Trenchant63]

It’s possible he calls because talking to you is a comfort for him.

I’ve had down days where my wife was out having dinner or visiting or even at a work function, and I was home feeling unmoored and unhappy.

I never really pondered whether there was a causality at work there; I just knew I felt unhappy, and sometimes calling someone at those times took my mind off it.

Maybe that’s all it is. Not to say that couldn’t reach concerning proportions or to make light of it, but maybe it’s not driven by jealousy or distrust.

Is this guy someone you could talk about that to? The potential benefit might outweigh the potential awkwardness.

Except .. the guy is alluding to OP being attracted to his wife. HUGE red flag to me - even joking around. OP should never reciprocate that humor IMO. If a friend alluded that idea to me about his wife I’d be saying “perfectly happy in my marriage- that’s f’n weird bro” and shut that down quick. If this guy is paranoid - he might be building up his own mental narrative of the situation and maybe take action. I’ve actually seen similar situation where that happened. Experience tells me when people say or joke about weird sh*t, there is usually something behind it. OP - be blunt and shut it down!

 

[tery]

Ask him to come over for coffee anytime his wife is away.

 

[bowman]

My girlfriend’s sister does the same thing: my gf only gets a call when her sister’s husband is out. In this case it’s because the guy is a control-freak, know-it-all windbag and she hasn’t stood up to him in 40+ years. Maybe the guy in the OP has a controlling wife and it’s just easier to deal with it this way?

 

[buster poser]

Except .. the guy is alluding to OP being attracted to his wife. HUGE red flag to me - even joking around. OP should never reciprocate that humor IMO. If a friend alluded that idea to me about his wife I’d be saying “perfectly happy in my marriage- that’s f’n weird bro” and shut that down quick.

Same. That kind of cowardly accusation-lite ("joke" my rear end) would require an apology at minimum or I just wouldn't talk to the guy again.

 

[Killing Floor]

Sleep with the doors locked.

 

[Ricky D.]

Except .. the guy is alluding to OP being attracted to his wife. HUGE red flag to me - even joking around. OP should never reciprocate that humor IMO. If a friend alluded that idea to me about his wife I’d be saying “perfectly happy in my marriage- that’s f’n weird bro” and shut that down quick. If this guy is paranoid - he might be building up his own mental narrative of the situation and maybe take action. I’ve actually seen similar situation where that happened. Experience tells me when people say or joke about weird sh*t, there is usually something behind it. OP - be blunt and shut it down!

That’s good advice. Multiple possible outcomes, and some are very bad. You need to meet this head on, do not allow it to fester. If that guy thinks his wife is fooling around, it has to be tearing him up 24/7.

 

[2HBStrat]

Except .. the guy is alluding to OP being attracted to his wife. HUGE red flag to me - even joking around. OP should never reciprocate that humor IMO..

I agree. I won't joke about that stuff again. I'll just pretend I didn't hear it and let it pass.

...Next time he calls, just invite him over.

Bob

Ask him to come over for coffee anytime his wife is away.

I would but he isn't allowed to drive right now because of an alcohol related accident.

 

[Trenchant63]

I'll just pretend I didn't hear it and let it pass.

It’s your business on how you handle of course. You might want to try the following if he says it again .. “hey you’ve joked about this a few times now and I’m not cool with it. I’m not that kind of person and can’t relate it, so I’d appreciate it if you’d stop that kind of humor.” He’ll get the picture.

 

[lil scotty]

I agree. I won't joke about that stuff again. I'll just pretend I didn't hear it and let it pass.



I would but he isn't allowed to drive right now because of an alcohol related accident.

Ask if he wants to jam, and you’ll come over there? I say nip this thing, sooner rather than later.

 

[studio]

Trying to fix an alcohol related problem when
alcohol is still in the picture? Hmm.

Does he take heart medication and drink?

Tell us he no longer drinks!

 

[backporchmusic]

So what's up.

 

[Gaylord Amsterdam]

He could be either jealous husband trying to figure out whose ass to kick or a cuckold trying to hook you up with his wife

If you dont like him enough to keep talking to him and deal with his issues just tell him you don't have the time, that your family needs you and then stop answering his calls, he will eventually go away.

I don't want to sound harsh, towards the guy but a normal guy just does not go around telling other men his wife is attracted to them, that's a dangerous game to play for everyone involved.